Anastasia

34

"Everyone deserves to be loved. Sadly, it seems like some of us weren't match for each other."

"Seriously? You're asking me if I consider myself a likeable person?" Zachary clicked his tongue, his eyes forming two narrow lines, the corners of his mouth curving upwards. He twirled his pen dexterously, the quick swirling motion making blurry circular outlines.

Ana shrugged. "You have quite an ego in you, so just rate yourself on a scale of one to ten." she rested her chin on the crook her her elbow, gazing at him intently. He glanced at her, and averted his eyes back onto the paper, a light pink tinting his cheeks. He bit the insides of his cheek, pondering if he should circle a seven or an eight. For humility's sake, the black ink circled a seven.

"Hmm." she smirked.

"What? Am I that detestable to you?" he shot back, a frown on his face. Ana plainly smiled, showing a full set of dimples at him. It was her way of answering these kind of questions. Ana would never say a yes or no; she either shrugs or smiles.

"In the meantime," she got up from her seat, the rest of the questionnaires in hand. "I'll go around and offer this to random students."

"That's not very...you can't just focus on one location. It might be unfair to the others." Zachary retorted, and Ana stopped in her tracks.

"Right. I almost forgot about that. Alright, I'll head outside for a while." she turned and walked out of the library, making a right. Perhaps she's going to the cafeteria. He thought. Studying the stickers on her laptop, he assumed that she must be a zealous reader. The fire sign for Dauntless in the Divergent series, the Slytherin symbol in Harry Potter, and the Angelic power rune from The Mortal Instruments series. Yes, he had done his homework on popular book series and, admittedly, dived slightly in too deep into their fictional world, thus he could identify some signs and symbols.

There was even a mockingjay pin on her pencil case too.

Such a fanatic. He mused, and resumed to fill in the rest of the survey before she comes back and find out that he hasn't finished with the questions.

It was, actaully, an excuse to get away from Zachary. She leaned against the wall, just a turn away from the library. She didn't know what was wrong with her; there was a flutter in her stomach evrytime her eyes met his. Her hands would start becoming sweaty, her heart would palpitate her voice would become slightly hoarse and her mouth would turn dry.

No, I can't fall for him. That is never going to happen. She clenched her fists, nails digging into her skin. Why was she acting this way towards him? He had just experienced a break off with his girlfriend, despite the toxic relationship. She should know better than to be the next one in line. She shuddered - the thought of being his second, or maybe his twentieth disgusted her. Get a grip on yourself, Cowell. She chided. Girlfriend or not, she reminded herself of the promise she made at the start of the year - not to get herself involved in a realtionship. She had worked hard for this scholarship to enter this University, amd she won't let some petty relationship break her dream of becoming the top graduate in psychology.

After all, her first relationship has served a grave reminder to her. The memories will always be ingrained into her head as well as her heart - like a tattoo. She closed her eyes, allowing the pain to flow within her. It was a mistake loving him. I gave my everything, to get empty promises and a broken heart in return. It was, and is, a grave, grave mistake. I gave up myself just for people who doesn't appreciate me. How stupid of me.

Pushing those thoughts aside, she shook her head violently. Now isn't the time for emotional thinking. What's past is past. She might not be able to control the future, but she can control the decisions she can make. Focus.

Clearly, she knew that randomly giving out the surveys all at once would not be feasible because somehow or rather people would throw away her efforts into the bin. Maybe she could do an online survey and send the link to her peers, or she could get Danielle to send it to some of her friends. Either way, she wants it done efficient and fast.

That could work too. Then I can transfer the results onto the paper. Suddenly remembering that the lecturer wants a personal handout of the questionnaires, she scoffed. Screw the handwriting. I'm flexible at a variety of them. She realised that people were giving her funny looks whenever they walked past her, and that was when she knew she had to peel herself off from the wall and head back to the library.

Taking a deep breath, she blocked out her thoughts, imagining a barricade to border herself between the irrelevant overthinking, and repressing her emotions forcefully, as if a gigantic hand was pushing and compressing them; down into the deepest part of her heart.

Reluctantly, she pushed herself off the wall and made an en route to the library. Mind over matter. Or emotions. She told herself over and over, yet her rapidly beating heart simply refused to accept the mind's command. Act normal, you idiot. She bit her bottom lip to inflict pain. Hopefully it didn't bleed out, because she could taste the warm, sweet, coppery fluid coating the tip of her tongue.

"Huh?" Zachary raised an eyebrow at her, his face twisted in confusion.

"What?" Ana questioned back, looking just as confused as he was.

"You told me to 'act normal, you idiot'." he mimicked her voice. In other circumstances, it would have been hilarious to hear him imitate her tone, because it was no way near hers. It sounded like someone pinching his nose and speaking at the same time. However, in this situation, her cheeks flared up, turning into a bright red colour. Her lips moved, yet no words came out. It was as if someone had blocked her airway - her breathing became shallow amd inconsistent.

"O-Oh. My b-bad," she murmured.

"That's alright. Danielle told me that you occasionally say your thoughts out loud. At the mention of this, her cheeks changed to a darker shade of red, close to the colour of a ripe tomato.

Zachary laughed, poking her arm playfully. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it, really. I don't really mind that at all. I've seen more weird stuff. It's ordinary to say your thoughts aloud." At that, Ana relaxed slightly. So he didn't think that she was weird. She managed a small smile at him, still feeling slightly bashful.

They held each other's gaze for a while, before Zachary snapped out of his daydream and looked away from her. It was his turn to feel hot on the cheeks.

"Shall we head to the grocery store?" he steered himself away from his feelings, and pushed the paper towards her. Ana had the urge to see what he had written, but she would rather take a better look at it when she is back in the dorm. There was already enough embarrassment for the day.

"Yep, let's go."