Shut Up & Listen

que lio (what a mess):

It's 7:22am the next day when Cole is fading out of his dream and into reality. "Shit" was the first thing that came out of his mouth. Waking up from the dream he's been having for the past couple weeks, he has an epiphany. Matching the kitchen situation from last night (really morning) to  the scene in his dream, he realizes that the figure in his dream might be Cobe.

"Oh my God, Cobe" he says to himself recalling last nights nights turn of events.

"Hmmm?" he heard someone groan under the covers beside him. He raises the blanket to see Cobe knocked out. What the fuck?

He quickly calculates last night's events. Ruling out anything sexual, he lets him sleep. Fighting the urge to wake him for answers, he decides it would be better if he was gone when everyone wakes up in a couple hours.

After using the bathroom and showering, he opens the medicine cabinet for an orange pill bottle to take for the day. He runs down the stairs as quickly and as quietly as possible only to be met with a wide awake Dame sitting at the dining room table.

"Aye Cole what you into this morning?" Dame asks not looking up from his phone.

" Uh I got business this morning" He says, concealing his pill bottle up his sleeve. Shoving his  hand into his pants pocket to further conceal what he was carrying, he tells Dame he'll be back later.

"Good Morning Colin" the Vietnamese voice from his car sounds as he plugs his phone up. Being that charging it was not on his mind last night it was completely dead. When it finally comes back on, his phone dings a million times with missed messages.

Clicking on the notification banner, he sees that he has 20 missed calls and 32 unread messages and counting.

-call me
-u kno moms been sick for a while
-Cobe couldn't make it home, he crashing here 2nite
-u heard about moms?
-wya nigga
-call me, it's important
-aye give me a call when u can
-u gotta come to GA tonight bro
-damn so it's like that?
-call me nephew
.....

" Oh my God! Leave me the fuck aloooooone" he groaned groggily to the ceiling. Putting his phone on silent, he turns on a chill playlist and lets his seat all the way back.

Not sleeping, thinking, or looking at anything in particular, Cole had been chilling in the front seat of his car for at least almost 2 hours when someone comes out of nowhere tapping on his window. He ignores it at first, not wanting to be bothered, but the tapping was persistent.

He leans forward to see who it is. Dame was standing there with an odd look on his face. Like he wanted to cry or some shit. Cole rolled the window down to see what was up with him.

"Aye Cole" Dame shifted nervously in front of the car door.

"What man?"

"I just got a call." Dame said.

"Okay?"

When he didn't say anything right away Cole knew something was wrong. Cole unlocked the door and told him to get in.

Cole leans back in his chair and stares out of the sunroof waiting for Dame to explain why he interrupted his 'meditation'.

Dame walks around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door. Sliding in, he leans his car seat all the way back. The two of them just sit there silently, allowing the music to rush over their minds like a wild wind.

"What's going on Dame?"

"I got a call."

"You already said that." Cole responded getting agitated by the lack of information.

"Oh.."

"What the fuck?" Cole mumbled to himself. If he was a little less medicated, he may have been more aware of Dame's uneasy energy.

"Your brother" he cleared his throat, "your brother Evan called me just now. Did he call you?"

"I don't know. I turned my shit off. Niggas was blowing me up for no reason."

"Cole. You brother called. He said his momma passed away this morning. Like 5am. He been calling you all morning he said." Dame rubbed his eyes with his forearm.

"What?"

Dame blew out a frustrated breath before responding. "Ya step momma, Sara died this morning bro. She's gone."

"Just fuck me huh?" Cole mumbled under his breath hoping God heard him.

Again, Cole and Dame are laying back in their seats watching the clouds go by through the sun roof. The music flows through their minds, intoxicating them once more. This is the first time Cole is grateful that Dame is here.

" I fucked Jill last night" Cole admits suddenly.

Jill and Cole dated for 3 years. They broke up about two months before his father died.

"Actually it was about 4 or 5 am this morning." Cole said. "That's about the same time that... Sara.... was struggling to take her last breaths right." He sighed.

Dame lies in his seat silently, allowing his brother to vent to him.

" it gets worse tho.... I kissed Cobe last night too....." he chuckled slightly mixed with exasperation. "It wasn't the first time... crazy right?" He looked at Dame for his reaction.

"So Jill calls while we're together and I drop him to go fuck her. But that's still not the worst part" Cole chuckles while tears start to fall down his cheeks. "I said his name while we were fucking..... so now she hates me too. Cobe and Jill probably both hate me."

"And the cherry on top bro..... the god damned cherry on top of this big ass fucking mess I created for myself? Shit." he sniffles and wipes his face with the back off his hand. "While I was out being a fuck boy. Better yet, being a fucking bitch.... my brothers needed me" Chuckling again, "how damned selfish can I be nigga?"

By this time his face is all torn up, wet with a mixture of tears, snot, and pitty, he continues.

"And while I'm over here self medicating, getting high off the shit that killed my daddy.... I'm fucking up. Shiiiiiiit..... I ain't shit." He said, staring out of the sun roof. "How the fuck can I be pissed at Cecil for not being there for me when I can't even pick up the phone for MY little brothers? Huh?.... Huh?! What the FUCK is wrong with me?"