Shut Up & Listen

WILD IS THE WIND

Cobe
9:45ish..

"Sooo.... what you mean I seem different?"
I ask as he passes me the blunt. We've been sitting in the car for at least 15 minutes already, but I can't stop thinking about his comment. I'm nervous now because it's been a few seconds and he hasn't answered yet.

"You just different. Yesterday, your energy was vibrant. You seem like your outside is always cool like you are now. But I can  tell there's like.... a wild wind inside you right now that wasn't there last night. It's like in a matter of hours your energy just shifted from happy to be alive to damned if I do damned if I don't." He shrugs his shoulders like he didn't just read the fuck outta me. I just look out the window and pass him his shit back trying to seem unbothered by what he said.

"Yeah?"

"Cobe... whats up wichu?" Hes eyeing me hard and I feel like I should spill but I'm nervous to. I can't tell him what's really going on right?

"So you been up in New York nigga? I laugh. Attempting to redirect the spotlight from me to him. I've been to New York a few times with Oz. Them niggas is mad philosophical and he's really channeling their vibe... the way he talks, how he carries himself.

"Yeah... I been up there for a minute dawg but you not gon switch it up that easy baby. I asked you a question Cobe." He drags his blunt while looking at me side ways.

This nigga makes me feel like I'm talking to my father. This the same shit Oz be doing, 'cept he don't smoke weed.... he'a smoke a cig or sum.

I look at him to see if he still waiting and I end up making eye contact with him. Shit.

" ... its a long story bro."I exhale thinking that was enough. But then I look over at him and he's just looking at me.

"Aight! Damn." I prop me elbow up on the window ledge and look down at my lap not wanting to make eye contact when I come clean. It's not that I'm ashamed of myself, but I'm a private ass nigga, plus I've never told anyone before.

"I guess this is good practice for the conversation I'm about to have with my pops in a couple hours..." I start nervously.  "Listen man, I like niggas, aight?" I lay it out plain and simple, Cecil isn't one to lie to, I trust him.

Not wanting to tell to much, I decide to only tell him what's happening currently. Cecil nods his head in acknowledgement.

" So I been fucking with this nigga on the low for a while and I ended it for good this time. I blocked him and told him to lose my number but he been hanging around Oz house. I been kickin' it here much as I can while Oz is outta town. But Oz called me this morning and said he been watching his cameras and noticed him. Now he's asking me all these questions and he's coming back into town. I think he knows but I'm not for sure."

My anxiety is trying to take over at this point, but I keep collected on the outside not to show how nervous I am. I'm a grown ass man.

" aight so.... you scared'a this nigga?" Cecil puts out his blunt in the ashtray he pulled out from inside the arm rest.

"I just don't know what he doing. I've seen him do some  crazy shit before." I admit.

"Ok. Next question. So you gay?" Cecil asks me. Now he's turned himself in his seat and he's facing me. I keep facing the front window to avoid his gaze.

"Mhm" I feel like I'm being interrogated. This is exactly why I've never told anyone before.

"You been gay?"

"Mhm" now I can feel myself getting defensive.

"Aight. Sooo..." I can tell he got more questions but don't want to make me feel uncomfortable.