Shut Up & Listen

C L E V A

After Cole and I finished our 'session', I went up the street to get a few things from the corner store. I saw one of Mo's niggas in there but didn't make any note of it until I left the store and was stopped by the image of Mohammed stepping out of a tan Ford F-150 pick up truck. He noticed me instantly and and smiled putting his hand up acknowledging me. "Aye, Kwabe... lemme holla atchu." He yelled across the small parking lot, ensuring that I'd hear him. I walked over, hesitantly, and stood in front of him as he leaned up against his door. He looked me over and licked his lips. We all know where my mind went upon seeing that, but my memory holds more weight than my hormones so...

"I was wondering' how you been handlin' all that shit that went down. I know you take shit hard sometimes." He watched me while figgeting with some tangled up headphones and charger chords he just pulled out of his pocket.

"Why you feel so comfortable to just come up to me?."

"You came up to me Kwabe..." he smiled with his tongue stuck between his bottom teeth and lip. "Plus it'd be weird if I saw you and ain't speak, right?"

"A simple 'hey' is fine though."

"Only when things are simple. Which in our case... it's not."

"Okay?"

"So will you tell me?"

"What?"

"How you been doin'." He watched me, paying close attention to my silence."You don't wanna talk to me... I understand. I just wanted to-" I cut him off.

"I haven't really thought about it. I prefer not to relive shit like that."

"Oh." Mo put one foot up against the truck, nodding his head while looking everywhere but at me.

"What?"

"I just wonder if you thought about about how what happened effected me? Not to be selfish or nun, just honestly... have you?"

I just looked at him, guiltily. Because I didn't think about him. Not when he was stabbed, not when Cole arrived, not after I learned that Lonnie was gonna be okay... I only cried for Lonnie... I only visited Lonnie in the hospital... I didn't even call to check on Mo... I called to ask if he'd slept with Jill while we were together. The guilt and the pity bore heavily in my expression. I looked away hoping that either he'd change the subject or that I'd get my feet to unglue themselves from the concrete so I could just walk away. But neither happened.

Mo pulled up his shirt revealing his scar on his abdomen. He ran his fingers over the keloided scar and watched me. "It wasn't that deep since Black is an amateur, and only did it out of fear instead of intent..." He looked down at it again and continued, "none of my organs were bothered but he almost broke through my abdomen wall. Docta' say a few mo' centimeters deep and I would be carrying a bag on my side collecting my shit and pee." He put his shirt down and leaned back up against the truck. He folded his arms and licked his lips again.

"You still fuck wit him?" He questioned me.

"Nah... ion really fuck with nobody now, actually."

"So you just shut ya self off from the world? You know life has to go on, right?"

"I don't want no new people in my life."

"Then what about your old friends."

"You?"

"Yeah, me. I miss you... in a non sexual way. You was really my homie forreal."

"What you saying?"

"I'm sayin' ... come chill wit me, sometime. I know it won't be like old times... but shit, I just miss having you around."

"Oh. You probably forgot why I stopped messing witchu then."