Chapters of a Life: Trainee (Complete)

13

I can't say I knew when the training began I just slowly realized that I had gained more responsibility. My birthday had just passed and I lay here on this star-filled quiet winter night remembering all that had transpired. I had left home a year ago with only a vague notion of where I was heading. Had gotten caught by Seumas' pack been beaten and nearly sold off to the Northern pack as a breeding bitch. Since then I had learned that Goddess made it hard for non-mates to conceive but some packs and tribes forced females into their estrus/heat, using dark magic. By doing so they increased the chances of pregnancy but they also upped the chances of the female dying in the birthing process. We were meant to be with our mates for they were made for us. I again thanked the Goddess for my family.

Rescued by Atsadi from Seumas' misfits, he had nursed me back to health. Several weeks ago he had returned to Blood Wolf to give an update to Dad and the pack, also taking back trade items. He was due back in the Spring and I was beginning to count the days.

The Cold Wolf Pack had lightened my load and had helped me to shore me up. I had not realized how much they had protected me until one day while out hunting I had been grabbed from behind just as Seumas' male had grabbed me. The ensuing meltdown had sent Fawn into a tizzy. From that, I had been forced to look at the incident with a new perspective and how it had changed me. I learned that I was more broken than I had imagined and the only way to fix myself was to face my monster. After speaking with Fawn and some of the Elders/Warriors we decided that I needed a challenge, the decision was for me to become an all-around warrior. I would take the fear and pain my abusers gave me, their power, and used it to make myself a force to be feared, well I would be feared after training. Now it was a work in progress. The fact that I had accepted the tribe and listened to them and my wolf so readily gave me hope that I would again fully trust.

The falling through the ice had been my biggest challenge yet. It was months before I slept through the night without a nightmare or simply did sleep at all. On the nights I could not sleep I made baskets or something equally needed. Because of all the practice, I was now a damn good weaver, arrow, and bow maker. My arrows were much sought after as were my bows and baskets and I had spoken with the other weapons makers about shadowing them. I still spent too many nights awake and needed new skills to perfect. Sleeping was not my only problem, I had a problem with cold water. The summer had been hot and we had gathered along the edge of the lake to cool ourselves. It was fine until I was chest deep and suddenly my breath abandoned my body, I was under the ice again and this time I would not be saved. It took 6 warriors to haul me out of the water and onto the shore. A witch took me out of my misery, it was several days before I ventured out of my lodge. The rest of the summer I only put my feet into the water and bathed at the shore or in the springs. Oh those springs, they had become very popular. I had taken to seeking out others just to have some privacy when bathing or relaxing. It doesn't last, for the others have figured out my talent and follow me. There have been other issues, I did not like to be touched, Atsadi was the only one who could get close. Even Fawn could make me cringe or wince. It was a slow process to be able to sit with the tribe and not shy away from anyone who sat down next to me or moved to close. That has gotten better but has yet to disappear altogether.

Another issue has been bursts of emotions, soon after I began to leave the lodge I would cry at the slightest provocation or worst yet get extremely angry. Fawn, a witch named Emily, her mate Sune who is a troll, and a Fey named Rose cornered me one evening and informed me that it was time to work out my emotional distress. I asked what emotional distress, Rose began to list all my outbursts and as the emotional level rose I began to cry then suddenly I was mad, no furious 'Who did she think she was to list our outbursts'. Sune shifted into his troll, an 8 foot tall green beast with jagged teeth and red eyes his muscles rippled and he roared, my wolf met his challenge and we spared until neither of us could move. For the first time in months, the night passed with no nightmares or terrors or awakening in the wee hours. I had found a release for my emotions and a new trainer.