Chapters of a Life: Trainee (Complete)

12

'Let me die or better yet kill me now', with each beat of my heart this mantra pounded my brain. I knew I needed to move. I did not know where I was, who I was with, or were Atsadi was. It was that last thought that gave me the energy to push open my eyes and take in my surroundings. I was in a room of some sort, with a fire burning close by-- from the smell and popping sound the wood was fresh and not seasoned. Moving my head to the right I saw a wall turning to the left was the fire and no one. This lack of supervision gave me the courage to attempt a rollover and sit up. Big mistake, HUGE. The entire world flipped over and collapsed onto me, at least that is how my body felt. Sitting as still as possible I let the world settle and brought up my head to again scope things out. Alright, this was better. The world was in its right place and I didn't feel as if I wanted to puke my feet up. Now that I had mastered sitting it was time to stand. On the count of 3 -- 1,2... "Whoa there", I don't know who is there but they caught me before the floor did. "You shouldn't be out of bed yet, you need a lot more rest to regain your strength. You had nasty trouble." that voice was familiar and so calming. Most of me wanted to trust it and but that rebellious bit screamed 'NO, where are you? Are you just going to lay here while Atsadi is out there worried about you?'

"Atsadi. Where Atsadi", I mumbled hoping the female would hear.

"I told them to tell me when you woke", like an answered prayer he was there.

Tears streamed down my face as I held his hand for dear life. "I am sorry. All I seem to do is mess up and worry you." I said as his warmth stole into my frozen hands.

"Hush my cub. You gave this old cat a scare, he will be watching you extra careful from now on. Get some sleep I will be here when you return from the land of healing." My mentor said in a gentle voice reserved for small children or the dying.

"Promise", I asked scared to let him go.

"Do you remember what I told you", he responded.

I nodded my head to the hatred of my body and mind.

"Then you know the answer my cub. Heal now we will talk soon."

With that my wolf and I left the world of pain behind and dwelt in the land of darkness and fluffy clouds. Time has no meaning in the healing world, I can remember being moved, rubbed, liquid running down my throat, and voices speaking in various languages. Some I understood but others I did not understand but for some reason really wanted to. Then as if my race was run, the sun hit my face and my eyes opened. The pain was different now, no longer sharp and pointed. It had become dull and dragging. Trying to raise my arm was like trying to lifting a horse, trying to lift my head felt like lifting two horses. How would I move with all this weight on me? "Ah, so you decided to return to us. Good good."

I knew that voice she had been with me in the healing world. Rilling my head in her direction and cracking an eye I looked her in the face, "Fawn? Fawn on the Meadow?" My voice cracking with disuse.

Her smile lit up the lodge, "I was afraid you would forget me."

"How could I, you saved me", my throat screamed at me to shut up. " And it looks like ya has done it again." Looking up at her from the sleeping mat, I wanted to jump up and give her a big hug but right now I had greater issues. "Huh Fawn, a little help here."

"Oh, what do you need?" She asks in a tone only a healer has.

"I need to find a bush." If my situation wasn't embarrassing enough.

"Just go I'll clean you when you're done." She says as if this is an everyday occurrence. Then it dawns on me, it has been.

With tears on my face, I turn my head, do the deed, and tell her I was done.