Epiphany

Chapter 9

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Even though ang sinabi ko ay sa comfort room ang punta ko ay umalis ako sa school nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam sa kanila.

I know that as of the moment, they might be confused and at the same time worried by my actions. That's because even though I'm becoming closer to them but still, I never opened up anything about my life. They have no idea about who I truly am. My real name, ability, family, and past that still remains a mystery for them just like how their actions and lives are a mystery to me.

I was running away even though I have nowhere to go and right at that moment, the rain suddenly poured at the same time my tears fell. How many times do I have to be reminded of that awful rainy night?! This hatred I have for the rain is starting to build up again, I continually ran under the rain not minding everyone who were staring at me. The only good thing about this moment is the fact that it can cover up the tears that is continuously falling from my eyes but the feeling? It still there, it remains inside. How I wish it can also cover up the pain.

Just when I thought that everything was starting to change. Just when I met great people in this lifetime. Just when I started wanting to be happy, life had to make me experience its cruelty once again.

Tumigil ako sa pagtakbo at pumara ng isang taxi. Sumakay ako kahit na basang-basa ako dahil sa ulan. Sinabi ko ang destinasyon at mabilis niya akong nadala rito. Dinagdagan ko ang bayad sa driver dahil na rin sa perwisyong nagawa ko sa taxi niya bago tuluyang bumaba.

Naglakad ako paakyat sa mataas na bundok kung saan ako huling dinala ni Noah noon.

I went near the cliff and spread my arms to feel the heavy pouring rain.

Why? Why are you doing this to me? The dark night, the blood, the gunshot, the dead bodies, all of it was appearing before my eyes. I closed my eyes tightly and tried removing the memory but it remained.

Napaluhod nalang ako sa lupa dahil sa panghihina na nagmumula sa sakit na nararamdaman ko, patuloy pa rin ang pagbuhos ng ulan na parang ayaw na ako nitong tigilan.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!" sumigaw ako nang ubod ng lakas, umaasang mababawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko

Napahagulgol na lang ako habang hinahampas ang dibdib ko kung nasaan ang puso ko.

Ang sakit sakit! Hindi ko na kaya...

Napayuko nalang ako habang patuloy ang walang tigil na pagluha ko. I was there, with my head held low, my legs kneeling on the ground as the rain pours heavier with no one else beside me.

I thought I was alone.

I thought I had no one.

I thought...

Bigla nalang nawala ang pakiramdam ng pumapatak na ulan sa katawan ko. Dahan-dahan akong tumingala at pinagmasdan ang paligid na patuloy pa ring nauulanan. Tumingin ako sa taas at nakita ang isang lalaki sa tabi ko na may hawak na payong para sa'kin.

Imbes na tumigil ang pagluha ko ay lalo pa itong lumabas. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at unti-unti akong binalot sa kaniyang mga braso na tinugunan ko naman ng isang mahigpit na yakap. Patuloy ang aking paghagulgol habang nakatago na ang aking mukha sa dibdib niya.

"Diba sabi ko open up?" he said which made me cry even harder

"You'll be fine, I know you will be."

We stayed silent in that same position for some time. Lumipas pa ang ilang minuto at tumila na rin sa wakas ang ulan.

Natagpuan ko nalang ang sarili ko na nakasandal sa kaniya habang malambing niyang nilalaro ang dulo ng buhok ko ngayong nakasandal siya sa isang puno. Wala ng luha na tumutulo mula sa mata ko na para bang naubos na ito at unti-unti nang nararamdam ng katawan ko ang pagod.

"I'm afraid." nasabi ko din matapos kong makahugot ng lakas ng loob.

"Natatakot akong harapin ang nakaraan ko sa lugar na iyon." parang hindi ko alam kung saan ko sisimulan ang gusto kong sabihin

"I'm not as simple as you probably think I am, I have secrets just like everyone else but it is not the usual ones others hide. I have a tragic past no one knows about, I've witnessed an awful thing that happened to my parents and not just that, I, myself, did something as extremely awful like what they did." he remained silent and waited for me to continue

"Sa ngayon kasi ang gusto ko lang naman ay mamuhay nang normal just like everyone else. Happily living life without anything holding them back pero bakit parang pilit akong hinahabol ng nakaraan ko? Bakit parang ayaw ako nitong pakawalan at pinipilit na ipaalala sa'kin ang lahat?" The frustration and tiredness that I feel was evident as I express my thoughts

He reached out for my shaking hands and placed them carefully in his.

"I may not know what exact past you had but the only thing that I can say right now is why not try and face it?" his words was like comfort to my ears, parang sinisigurado niya ang bawat salitang sasabihin niya sa'kin

"I feel like instead of continually running away, why not and try to face it para malaman mo ang sagot sa mga tanong sa isipan mo. What if the only thing that is holding you back is the answers of the past? What if letting go is not the way but embracing it is?" humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay niya

"But I'm afraid..." I whispered with a hint of pain

"Don't be, you have me. I'll be with you." he said which made me feel assured

I looked straight ahead and thought about what he said then I realized something. What if he's right? What if that is the only way for me to remove this burden I have in me? Maybe this is for the better. There's no harm in trying, right?

I stood up from where we were seating and pulled him up too.

I've already decided and there's no turning back now.

I looked at him and smiled "Dumi na natin!" natawa naman ako sa sinabi niya

"Let's go and wash up then." I said and pulled him

"Together?" he asked with a hint of a playful tone

"Nope" I looked back at him and teased him by showing my tongue like a kid

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