You are not alone

Chapter 10

My parents weren't one of those lovey-dovey modern day couples but I like to believe that they loved each other.

They barely argued and even though Dad was a strict man , he never showed any signs of a 'wife beater', so I'll say he was a responsible husband.

They weren't one of those couples who celebrated every anniversary and all of that stuff. They were just  normal.

As a child , I'd known my Dad to be a tough person. Even when Mom died he didn't cry so  I was extremely shocked when I came downstairs to get water and saw him in the sitting room  sobbing with a picture of Mom in his hands. It was a picture of Mom and Dad from when they were much younger . Dad had his arms around Mom and it was the only picture of Dad I had seen where he had a smile on his face. Mom was dressed in a green flowery gown with black shoes.  Dad had on a blue business suit and brown dress shoes. They were seated on a couch in a studio or so it seemed . They looked happy. Genuinely happy. It was my favorite picture of them.

I looked at Dad now, with his white silk pajamas sobbing with a pained look and felt my heart clench. There was a big difference between the smiling man in the  picture and the sobbing man on the couch. I didn't realize he missed Mom this much.

" I don't know how to do this , Leah ", he was saying .

" Why did you have to go so soon?"

I stopped at bottom of the stairs and listened . He ran his hand through his hair and tightened his grip on the frame of the  picture.

I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted a salty liquid in my mouth.

" Why ? Why? Just why?"

"I don't know if I'm doing right by them. I don't even know what I'm doing." By 'them' , I think he meant Ben and I .

" It's hard ." By now the tears were flowing in torrents. I couldn't stop it .

I wanted to go over and comfort Dad but I didn't know what I'll say to him or if he will appreciate the gesture .

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and tiptoed quietly to my room, the water I came to get forgotten. I laid down on the bed and cried myself to sleep .

That night, I had a dream  about Mom .
She was in a field surrounded by flowers. She had on the green flowery dress  just like the one in Dad's picture but she was barefoot . Her hair fell freely across her shoulders and she had on a bright smile.

"Mom," I tried calling to her but she didn't respond.

"Mom ," I tried again but no response.

I called her over and over again but she couldn't hear me .

" Mom," I called quietly as my desperate calls died down to sobs.

No matter how much I tried I couldn't get to her.

    

                     ***********

I went through breakfast absentmindedly, my mind was overun with different thoughts ranging from the scene I witnessed last night and the dream I had about Mom.

"Cee ,are you okay?" Ben asked for the umpteenth time.

I mumbled a 'yes' and looked out the window.

From my peripheral vision I could see Dad looking at me. I'd given him the  same mumbled response after he had asked me the same question. I saw his grip tighten on the steering wheel . He stared straight ahead and said nothing .

My head was full and it felt like I was going to go crazy. I was sad. Worried .I don't even know . I needed to be alone.

With a ' Thank you, Daddy ' to my Dad I made my way  swiftly to the school library. The one place I knew I could be alone.

There were three people in the library when I got there : the librarian and two cleaners. I was the only student there .My favourite section of the library is the literature section . I went there and took a sit close to the window. I wanted to listen to music but we were not allowed to bring phones to school. The school is really strict about it.

The school field was my second favourite place in the school. The green scenario gave me  a calming feeling . Which is why I chose this particular corner of the library. It overlooked the school field.

Getting out my journal , I began to write ,
     Humans are dynamic. You can never be too sure about the kind of person a human being is . You may wake up tomorrow and discover something about yourself that you haven't known all along .

My mind flashed back to events of last night. Dad crying with a picture of Mom in his hands. My dream about Mom. Calling and trying to get to her but all to no avail . I felt the warm streaks of tears rolling down my cheeks and became angry. At God for letting Mom die. At Dad for not taking her to other countries with better facilities. At the doctors for not trying their best. At Mom for not fighting harder to stay alive. At the whole world for not understanding my pain.

I wiped furiously at my eyes but the tears continued to come. I gave up and sat resting my head on the window . I didn't realize I was lost in thought until I jerked at the contact of skin on my cheeks.

It was Bernard. He was cleaning the tears off my face. I was so touched that the tears continued to flow again. He hugged me and began to pat my back . He whispered soothing words in my ears and rocked me a little from side to side.

You'll be fine. You got this . Everything's going to work out well in the end. I'll be here with you.

Those words gave me hope. I felt better. I pulled away and muttered a 'thank you' . He gave me a smile and  said ' That's what friends are for'  in a singsong voice.

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A/N: Thanks for reading. Please don't forget to vote and add ' You are not alone' to your library.

       *** Ekwaadoo