DRASTIC (Book 4 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 43: Smart Girls Brains Don't Work

Marley

The brain is an amazing vigorous, adaptive, and redundant system.

It's also quite vulnerable to fear.

Because I'm generally pretty sharp, but right now I can't comprehend the simplest of things. I couldn't explain to the driver which route to take to Vanderbuilt Medical Canter. I also wasn't able to find the surgeon's multi-use consult office in the hospital, even though I've been here on more than one occasion. Right now, I can't absorb the directions that Kade is giving to us in that office, explaining how to self-sample the cheek swabs. My heart is pounding in my own ears, making his voice sound like nothing but distorted noise.

He's holding the packaged swab out to me. It's not a big deal and I know having my sample just makes Darius' genetic profile easier to interpret, but as I reach for the swab, my hand starts to shake.

I take the swab, put it in my mouth, gag, and bolt from the consult room like a maniac. I'm into the stairwell when Bodie catches up. Before I can decide to go up or down, he's caught me with both hands.

"Whoa, whoa...what's the matter?"

"I...can't..." I shake my head, my mess of curls flopping all around. I put my face in my hands, unable to explain.

Fortunately I don't have to. Bodie understands. "You're scared. That the first test was right. That I'm not Darius' father."

I nod into my hands as Bodie's arms go around me. He's shaking and he feels damp, but his lack of composure is physical, not emotional. It takes a few days for methadone to leave the body, and Bodie's missed doses are finally catching up to him.

It couldn't come a worse time. We are both coming apart, and we just ran out on Darius, who needs us to keep it together.

He pries my hands away. "Listen to me. I know he's mine. I know it, Marley."

"You can't know...the other test could be right...I can't do this, Bodie..."

"You can. We can. We have to, Baby. Darius needs this."

I start to cry.

I used to sleep beside a killer. A few weeks ago he tried to have me killed, too. I've been hurt, hit and intimidated by him.

I have never been more terrified of anything than this.

I'm so afraid that this bond Bodie and I believe we have is just...a insubstantial wishing. A dream that will evaporate when we get these results back.

Bodie is pressing a kiss backed by ragged breath into my forehead. He pulls away so I'm forced to meet his eyes.

"If you need to hear the words...I don't care if he is or if he isn't my biological son. I'm in love with him just like I'm in love with you. It's your DNA in him that I love, not mine."

He sounds as sincere as when he told me he loved me a couple of hours ago. God, that seems like a lifetime ago. It feels like we have been loving each other forever.

I guess we have. Darius feels like the living proof of our love.

But what if I'm wrong? One DNA test has already proven me wrong.

I wrap my arms around Bodie's shaking frame because he's too good and I'm almost afraid he's not real, either.

"I know you mean that. But I...I need him to be yours. I feel like if he's not...I'll be taking something from you..."

He shakes his head. "You could never take the way I feel about Darius from me. He's mine now, because you're mine. But I swear to you, your fear is unfounded. My mama took one look at him and knew her flesh and blood. Saw it plain as day. He's a Jamison. I just need you to trust me and do this test so Darius knows it, too. Do you trust me, Jaz?"