𝐒𝐌𝐇 | bts crackfic ✔️

5

after the bickering between jimin and hali, jungkook fled out of the house. hali had a strong urge to go after him, so that's exactly what the fuck she did.

she found the poor large but smol man sat under a tree. this situation is annoyingly familiar. his face was glowing from the sunlight, as the sun was beginning to set. she slowly made her way over to him and quietly sat down. hali laid her head onto jungkook's shoulder and huffed.

"jungkook-"

"i'm not weird i promise!" he pouted. "i just- i just like you a lot."

"no, jungkook it's not that-"

"my heart is beating so fucking fast hali. it's hurts." his face scrunched up as he clutched his heart. "it beats for you."

"jesus jungkook would you let me spea-"

the man looked down. "well i mean, my dick is throbbing too but i guess i'll just have to deal with it-"

hali elbowed his bb jk, angered because of the hoe interrupting her. "GOD DAMMIT JUNGKOOK YOU RUINED IT! YOU DEFINITELY FUCKING RUINED IT YOU BITCH STICK!"

jungkook could not utter a word as he clutched his crotch in pain.

"oW! i'm supposed to make mutha fuggin babies with that, hali!" he whisper yelled.

the girl sighed. he literally ran to my house...how the fuck is he supposed to get back? "kook, you can jack your shit at my house. i have fancy lotion."

jungkook's face flushed. "are you sure that's okay-"

"yes now come on bruh."

-

hali aggressively chewed on a piece of bread while hearing jungkook do his thing in the bathroom.

"oh my fuck, can he get any louder." hali mumbled and rolled her eyes. "thank god my parents took a trip to the philippines. i would have rice cakes shoved up my ass if they heard this man.."

jungkook only grew louder as the author's bread supply got smaller.

"ah...hali.."

a chunk of bread was lodged in hali's throat as her eyes widened. "did he just-" she coughed, the piece of bread flying away. "nahh, i'm just crazy."

"fuck..hali..."

"JEON JUNG FUCKING KOOK, HURRY UP AND FINISH WITH YOUR WANKING AND GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE SO I CAN PROPERLY KICK YOU IN THE THROAT."

-

"letting you free your willy into my household was already sinful, but you mOANING MY NAME LITERALLY TOPPED MY CAKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING CRAZY YOU AREDKGJKS????" hali screeched.

"i'm sorry it just slipped out of my mouth." he frowned.

hali kicked him off the bed. "i hate you. i truly hate you."

jungkook let out a breathy laugh. "ma'am i'm parched."

hali nodded. "banana milk?"

"yuh."

hali left the room and went downstairs, jungkook still on the ground. a notebook under the bed caught his eye. he reached over and pulled it out. he flipped to the first page which had a pink note taped to it. that's my handwriting...jungkook paid little attention to it and flipped over to some more pages.

i have a very, very, VERY big crush on a guy named jeon jungkook. i fell for his smile, then his laugh, and then...him. just him. maybe his abs too LMAOO!!

"ohmygodohmygofiiddohmygodOHMYGODKF???!!!1!1!1&/@:@:9392&1!!1!1!2@39!1!1!1!1!19308;&;$696969969696969696??????" jungkook could barely breathe and had what seemed to be a spasm on hali's bedroom floor. that quickly ended when he heard her footsteps. he quickly shoved the notebook under the bed and laid flat on his belly like a worm. act natural act natural act natural he repeated in his head.

hali entered the room with a tray that held two glasses of banana milk and a plate of chocolate chip cookies. pretty fuckin scrumptious mannn. she gently set everything down on her nightstand and looked up. "kook, what the fuck."

"what's up?"

"get up from the floor you asshat??"

-

hours went by as they ate snacks, watched movies, and teased each other. jungkook enjoyed spending time with her so much that he completely forgot about the information he found before.

hali yawned. "bedtime."

jungkook blinked sleepily. "alright i'll sleep on the floor."

the girl pushed his chest and made him lay back down. "it's too cold down there bruh. you can sleep with me instead."

"well i mean i wasn't expecting my first time to be today but-"

hali pinched his nose. "not like that you hoe-nugget." she flipped the light switch off and laid back down next to jungkook who had his back facing her.

after about ten minutes, hali began to shiver and instinctively put her arms over jungkook's slim waist. the man's heart began to ache, her touch making him feel hot inside.

he felt her let out a small sigh, her breath hitting his neck. "i like you too much, kookie."

bb jk status: growing

jungkook could feel the heat rise to his cheeks, his heart beating rapidly against his chest and he was a afraid she could hear it.

he quickly turned over and pulled her head into his chest so that she couldn't see the current state he was in.

"y-you were awake?" hali stuttered.

jungkook nodded, his chin bumping the top of her head. "how could i fall asleep when i'm in the same bed as the girl i fucking love to deatH."

"this is kinda awk now man...you were noT SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT WHY THE FUCK IS SOMETHING POKING MY LEG-"

jungkook patted her head. "chilllll that's just my son. he's excited about the news too ya know."

hali whined and punched his chest. "you were never this pervy in my dream."

he chuckled. "i was holding back baby."

"jungkook, remove your hand from my ass right now before i feed you to my garbage disposal."

"i'm sorry i just didn't think it would be that thicc-"

"RIGHT NOW KOOK."

"wanna be my girlfriend?"

"will you take your boney hands off my cheeks if i say yes?"

"yeah."

"then yes.......FUCKING BITCHASS PERVERT."