How I See It

Chapter 18 - Funeral

My mind was exhausted from thinking. Exhausted from stressing. Exhausted from mixed emotions. I'm only a normal 16 year old teenager. Well, at least I was.
My alarm goes off at 7:30 and I've been awake since 5. All I've been doing was stay in bed and listen to my sad playlist on my earphones. My sister knocks on my half opened door and I take my earphones out. "Breakfast is ready." I nod my head one time and she leaves. Today is the day. The funeral for all of those who died at homecoming . Including North.
I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could Brooke do something like that. I barely remember what happened that day at the park when we were kids.

But I know I didn't push her brother. I just know. My grandmother never liked me. She always talked bad about me. She brainwashed that sweet little girl that I spent most of my childhood with. It was weird that I couldn't recognize her when she came back.
"Noah! The food's getting cold." I get out of my bed and walk down the stairs. My mom and sister agreed to not bring that night up. I couldn't hear about it anymore. As I approach the kitchen, I can smell the freshly made pancakes. For a second it took my mind off the funeral. I take a seat in one of the dining chairs and pick up my fork and knife. Without hesitation, I gobble up every last bit of my two, deliciously made pancakes. I thank my mom and head back upstairs to my room. I take a long shower to help with the stress... If that even makes sense. The only suit I own fits perfectly while I perfect my tie. I take a long stare in the mirror.
This is what's become of me. I always had dreams and hopes, but how I'm feeling right now... I don't even think I wan't anything in life anymore. I already lost most of it. My reputation, my friends and even my own dignity.

The car ride to the funeral was quiet. I respect that my mom and sister kept my wish to not talk about it. We arrive at the big church in town... probably because of the many coffins. My stomach starts to feel weird and I'm stressed out. I look out the window when we park and see the many cars who came to say their final goodbyes. I open the door and walk inside the church with a pamphlet I got from one of the men at the door.

I take a seat next to my mother and sister and try to keep my head straight. "Oh my God,"I whisper. "Noah! Don't say that." My mother's face turns away from mine and I shake my head a few times and let out a tear. There's so many coffins. How are they going to have so many funerals in only 4 hours? The doors close and the pastor approaches up ahead. "I welcome you all to this sad and devastating day. How young these children were. Children, yes. These kids had a future that awaited them and they were taken too early. After the accident, a lot of people's life's changed." Accident? I stand up with a puffed chest. "Accident?" There's silence. I can feel all the eyes on me. I shake my head and let out a sarcastic laugh. "That's bullshit!" As soon as I started screaming and cussing in the same sentence, my mother took my arm but I yanked it away. "This was no accident at all, okay? You don't know anything. Stop trying to be the people that knows everything. No one ever knows anything." The next thing I remember, I was standing in the front and looking up at the pastor. He stares at me and lifts both his hands. "You are right, my child. We don't know..." My body starts to heat up and when I turned around, I guess that's when it happened. Or at least that's what they told me.

The beeping of the machine next to me causes me to slightly wake up. Everything's blurry... I spot my mom and a doctor talking. "Mom? What the hell happened?" She quickly grabs my hand and brings it to her mouth. "Oh, sweetheart. Everything is going to be okay. The doctor's at Saint Rolls will take good care of you." My bed starts to move out the room with two doctors pulling it. "Saint Rolls? Why are they taking me to a mental hospital? Mom! What happened? Mommy! Get off me!" I try to get loose from the buckles but they're too tight. "Let me go! Let me go!" I continue with rage but felt weak when I felt a pinch on my arm. Everything was spinning and I was tired. I closed my eyes and slept through the transfer.

The thought of me not being able to say goodbye to North one last time, was eating me from the inside. I didn't remember the funeral at all. All I could remember was that I was standing in front and turning around. A shock in my body electrocutes my brain awake. "Wake up! It's time for your medicine." I look around. I'm in a fucking white room and my clothes... Oh God. "Did you just hit me?" He takes the pills and force them in my mouth. He holds my mouth closed till I swallow. "Swallow. Now." I swallow the pills and keep staring at him. He winks at me and starts to laugh. He leaves the room and locks it. I try to get loose from the buckles but it's no use. 
The next day I get food on a tray from a nice lady. "So how are you feeling today?" I look at her and shake my head. "I don't understand why I need to be here." I look at her and grab her hand. "Please, do you know what I did?" She looks terrified and removes her hand. "Don't you know? You did something that's going to keep you here for a long time." I stare at her and beg. "Please, tell me." She looks at me with pity. "Son, you smashed 3 coffins and shot a gunshot." How is that possible? How couldn't I remember that? The gun I took from home was for safety but the coffins? "How are you sure that it was me?" "Everyone at the funeral blames you and said that you shot the gun. They all ran out but they also said you smashed the coffins." I feel nauseous. "Were there any bodies in there?" She shakes her head. "Luckily not, but you were deranged. Anyways, you have a therapy session with Dr. Wong in 2 hours. One of the nurses will come and get you." She gets up and closes the door.

How the hell could that have happened? It suddenly came to me. A memory or some sort... I turn my back and stare at everyone at the funeral. I take out the gun from my pocket and point it in the air. "Get out! Get out!" I pull the trigger and everyone screams and leaves in a rush. There's no one but me. I lower my hand and start to cry. I throw the gun on the floor and wipe my hand on my blazer in disgust. "Wait! I didn't mean to... Please." I run toward the door but then I see him. The man in the white hoodie. The memory goes away and I look down in confusion. "Gray."