The Gloss Reviews

The Easy Route

Story: The Easy Route
Author: toriwritess
Reviewer: dreamlucid2

Title:
I'm not exactly sure how your title fits into your narrative yet because there're only eight chapters so far. I have surmised that it has something to do with irony though, since it's not exactly "the easy route" that these two women are taking.

Cover Design:
The two girls in a sunflower field suggests that the story is fun and lighthearted, so since your story isn't exactly easy-going, I'd suggest using something a little more dramatic and mysterious as your cover.

Storyline:
The main character, Freya, is refreshingly relatable. I love her enthusiasm for red wine and her good-natured heart as she took the time out of her day to go looking for Marcia. The overall plot centers around Freya and Marcia as they try to keep Marcia's kidnapping under wraps.

I had a little trouble with the accuracy and reality of it all. To me, it doesn't seem realistic that the two women would be scared to tell the police of Marcia's kidnapping when it could help them immensely. I was a little confused why they felt so guilty for defending themselves against Marcia's kidnapper, and they seemed to be even more nervous to learn that the man they had ran from was alive. Why didn't Freya tell Jack the truth when she heard that information? It also raises the question of how Marcia is coping with her kidnapping as she had been gone for over 2 weeks. You never really delved into that, but you did leave the readers a few hints along the way. If you're planning on revealing more details about the case as the story progresses, disregard this comment.

Character Development:
I love how you give your readers little tidbits of Freya's personality as they progress through the story. Instead of explaining her entire personality at once, you drop breadcrumbs along the way. It's a little too early to see any dominant character arcs right now, as the story is basically just getting started, but I like how you've written Freya so far!

I know you've created Freya to be a certain type of way, but be mindful of the way you describe her feelings since it is written in 3rd person. To me, it doesn't seem like "no one" cares for Freya. I'm sure Jack and her cousins and now Marcia does! It's important to let the readers know that although Freya thinks this about herself, it's not exactly true.

It's best to keep your main character count to 1-2 protagonist(s), and maybe 1 or 2 supporting characters. The rest should be static characters. This prevents confusion and also helps you in writing character arcs and not duplicating personalities or emotions!

Sentence Flow:
There are several grammatical errors, but that can be easily fixed with editing. You can find a proofreader/editor here on Wattpad in exchange for services (a follow, comments etc); there are several different options!

I suggest using thesaurus.com for extra words in place of ones you use often or to find a word that is a little more literary. I use it a lot when writing my own stories and it's very useful!

Detailed Descriptions:
Since it's written in third person, you have a little more wiggle room to squeeze more details into your descriptions! Instead of saying "She wore a black suit with black heels" try adding more dimension to it by changing the same word used to a synonym: "She donned the same old dark, drab pantsuit she was forced to wear for work, and the five-inch black heels didn't do her feet any favors either". When you describe things, you want to write it in a way that intrigues the reader and gets them visualizing so that they feel like they're right there with your character.

Try to be mindful of using descriptions in place of names. It sometimes gets a little confusing when you say "the blonde" "the Australian" "the brunette" as there are several characters in your story you could be referring to.

Overall Impression:
The story is actually very interesting. I like the idea of a mystery with a little romance in it as well, and you've done that perfectly! There are a few minor details that could use some fine tuning (which I've listed above), but other than that you've done a great job on this story so far!

— Victoria 💕