The Dealers

Chapter 6 - Noah

Sitting there after Lena left, Jacob came out from the back of the bar. I thought he was going to lose his mind looking for her. She had already left and I knew that Noah would automatically think I'd done something to make her leave.
"Where is she?" Jacob interrogated me. Luckily for him and out of respect for Lena, I didn't start an argument about it.
"She left." I said simply but Jacob refused drop it.
"What did you do?" He accused me predictably.
The last of my patience evaporated. I held my tongue but was overdue to get my frustrations out. Reminding myself that Lena actually liked this guy, I kept myself seated.
Sensing my anger growing and caring more about Lena than me, Jacob tossed a rag onto the bar and rushed out the front door. He'd be just in time to catch her, which annoyed me. I wanted to follow him but, I forced myself to stay right where I was.
Eli and Finn were still watching me from across the bar. I wanted them to think that I wasn't as into Lena as I actually was. I tried to play it cool but it backfired and I ended up pushing her away.
Once I was finally alone with them, I would get to the bottom of what the hell they were playing at. It might involve some bloodshed but I would get answers.
Watching them both flirt with the waitress, I took my cue to head over and settle up with my brothers. They owed me a big fucking explanation.
The amusement was evident on their faces as I approached and sat down across from them in a plush chair.
"That was seriously painful to watch." Eli smirked as he leaned back in the booth and finished his glass of whiskey.
"Yeah, seriously..." Finn added like the side-kick that he was, "you botched that one, big time."
I didn't entertain their jabs at me because by then, I was beyond heated. I'd successfully blown my one chance with Lena. After paying her zero attention, there was no way she'd give me another shot. She didn't seem like the type to give second chances to assholes.
"Where the hell were you two?" I growled as I sat there. I waited for the waitress to drop another round of drinks off and leave.
Eli and Finn looked at each other and then back at me like all of this was funny. I didn't find any of it amusing.
"Andover, huh?" I said.
I suspected that this was all sport to them because they were bored and restless being on the road for so long.
"You were too busy to hit our next mark so we took care of it." Eli laughed with a satisfied grin on his face. "We thought you'd make the most out of this time off but, you didn't. How disappointing, little brother."
The two of them bursted into a fit of laughter, which only made me more angry.
"And why is that?" I asked, unamused. "You two don't ever do things to be nice. Why did you really do it?"
Finn looked at Eli and then back at me, this time his face was serious.
"What?!" I demanded. The looks on their faces were making me uneasy.
Finn still didn't speak, clearly waiting for Eli to takeover. Their hesitation was making me nervous and I could tell whatever it was, it wasn't a laughing matter at all.
"We thought you could use some time with the bartender..." Eli said finally.
"You'd never do a job without me." I snapped, wanting them to just get it out already!
"We just thought it would be a nice thing to do..." Eli continued, his voice trailing off ominously. "—before we head home."
Home?
That was a laughable concept. Home meant Willowhead and that was by far home in my book.
"You're kidding me right?" I laughed, trying to understand the mix of emotions overrunning me just then.
I was thirty and hasn't been home since I was eighteen. At eighteen, my entire world changed forever and I was given my first glimpse into the family business. Since that day, nothing was been the same. Since that day, I avoided Willowhead like the plague—because that's exactly what that place truly was.
"What happened?" I said finally, my brothers sitting there with concern on their faces.
This was worse than anything I imagined. My brothers messing with me, sure, I could handle that. My brothers taking off to another county to screw with me? Even that I would expect and even that, I could figure out. But, this? This was something I couldn't process.
"After we left your room last night, Koji called me." Eli explained.
Fucking, Koji.
It had been many years since I heard that name.
"What did he say?" I probed, wishing they'd just come out with it.
I knew that me brothers were just trying to protect me. They knew how I felt about Willowhead. They knew how I felt about everything but, I didn't need to be coddled, I need to be told the damn truth.
"Dad isn't doing well." Finn added, trying to plead to my empathy—but it was useless.
"I don't give a shit." I barked, calming my voice as the waitress dropped off more drinks and removed the empty glasses. "I'm not going."
Finn and Eli looked at each other again, now with a look of sadness.
"Noah..." Eli started but I immediately put my hand up to silence him.
"Don't!" I warmed. "I made my peace with him twelve years ago. I said what I had to say and I never went back. I knew this day would come and I don't give a shit now that it has. If you two want to forgive him for ruining our lives, that's your choice but I won't."
"What's done is done." Finn added. He'd always been close to my father and would never fault him for anything—even something as unforgivable as what our father did.
"Exactly..." I sighed as I tried to bring my anger down to a tolerable level. "—what's done is done. It's done. I'm not going back."
"Koji has some papers for us to sign." Eli continued as if I hadn't already given them my answer. "Papers for the business."
Fuck the business. That entire empire was, as far as I was concerned, built in blood. I wanted no part of it. I was stuck this life because of that God-forsaken business.
Thinking back to all the things I missed out on in life because of my father and his fucking business, I wanted to vomit. The fact that my brothers were sitting there looking at me like I was the crazy one, almost made me lose what cool I had left.
"I don't want anything to do with it." I scoffed. "Let it die with him."
"Noah!" Finn scolded me—being the daddy's boy that he was—but, I didn't give a single damn.
"You two have me confused with someone who cares." I said through a clenched jaw. "What would make you two think that me, of all people, would go back to Willowhead? What would make you think that I would care at all if that man was on his death bed? I do not care and I am not going home. Let me know when you get our next assignment and we can link back up then."
Eli and Finn just sat there, staring at me. They weren't shocked or surprised by my candidness. They had to know how I would react. They had to know that I would refuse to go.
"Is that why you went to Andover without me?" I asked. "Is that why you extended the hotel rooms? Are you trying to bribe me into going home? Do you think that by giving me some time with the bartender, that I'd give in and go back with you?"
I was right on the money. The look on Eli's face confirmed it all.
"If I stick around here—for whatever reason—it's none of your business." I clarified. "If I go back to my condo in Boston, that's also none of your business. I'm going to do whatever I want until our next gig comes along and you two can fuck off."
Finally, Eli and Finn appeared to give up. I was clearly not going to budge and nothing they said or did would change my mind.
"Do it for mom..." Finn said and immediately, I was out of my chair and lunging across the table.
The commotion startled customers nearby and the waitress looked nervously over at as as she dropped drinks off at another table. Eli immediately separated us and demanded we both sit down.
"You're not going to make a fool out of yourselves in here!" Eli snapped at us but I could only see red.
Using our mother as leverage—as a fucking bargaining chip, was low, even for Finn. He knew how I felt about the way things went down with our mother. He would only use her if he were desperate.
"Say what you want, Finn..." I said sternly, trying not to yell, "—it won't change my mind."
Eli shook his head and Finn looked like he still wanted to punch me. He could try, I would welcome a fight at this point.
"Stick around here..." Eli tried to calm me still, "—have some time to yourself. Relax, get away from work for a bit and then see how you feel."
I could stay in Cedar Falls for a year and it wouldn't change the way I felt. Nothing could change the way I felt. I was set in my ways and more than that, I was set in my grudges. No matter what, I wasn't going home.
"You can't bribe me." I reiterated. "If I choose to stay here or not, it will be for me, not you two or dad or anyone else. And where I go afterward is up to me, too. So don't, for one second think you're calling the shots."
"Whatever we decide," Finn added, "will affect you. Don't you care what happens to your life? Wouldn't you rather run the business than do what we do now?"
What a fucking laugh! Doing what I want with my life? Since the age of eighteen—nay from the time my father decided that his business was more important than family—that's when my life was decided for me. That's when I lost any hope of deciding what happened.
My father's death would change nothing. He made a deal a long time ago and he never once stopped to think what it would cost him—what it would cost others. Money meant more to him than his own blood. In the end, he wouldn't be able to spend the millions. In the end, he wouldn't be able to run that multi-million dollar company. In the end, none of it would even matter.
The anger that I worked through as a young adult was slowly coming back as I recalled all of the horrible things I went through. I thought that I moved past it all. I thought that I'd accepted my fate and the life I was forced to live. But, sitting there stewing in those emotions, I knew that I never got over any of it.
My mom's face popped into my head. As sad as it was, I often tried to forget the past and that included her. I could never forgive my father for choosing money over us, his own sons. But, more than that, I would never in a million years or for a million dollars, forget that he chose that money over his own wife.
My mother died because when faced with a choice, he chose money instead of her life. He would never admit that but it was true. He was too much of coward to relive that part of his life but it would never leave my memory, no matter how hard I tried. He was to blame, plain and simple and being on his death bed, he was going to have to face those demons.It was time for his reckoning.
Years ago, I accepted that I would never live a normal life. I accepted that I was forever stuck in my father's debts. I came to terms with the fact that I would never get to know anyone—truly know them. I would never be able to truly love someone and have them love me back. As far as the world was concerned, I was just a shadow passing though.
But sitting there in that stupid club, I longed to love and be loved by someone. Lena had sparked this want—this need—in me. I let myself think about what life could be like if things were different—if she and I could actually be together.
"Does this mean that you're staying, too?" I asked, still upset but trying not to lose my cool again.
For my brothers' sake, I hoped that they were on their way out of town. With everything going on, I needed some space. I needed to think and formulate my next plan.
The three of us had been together, on the road for going on eight months. Before that, we were off for a little under a month and before that, we had a year long stint in Canada. We were due for some rest but more than that, we needed space from each other. We were going mad being in hotel room after hotel room, job after job.
"We were planning to hang back for a bit." Finn admitted. "We were hoping that you'd change your mind."
Waiting for the waitress to make another round, I paused and waited for her to be back out of earshot.
"Well, don't." I said bluntly. "I won't change my mind and you two being here is just going to make things worse."
"Fine." Eli sighed but Finn wasn't so sure.
"Fine?" Finn spat from across the table. "Like hell this is fine! Stop being a crybaby and come home. It's all of our responsibility."
"Finn!" Eli interjected before I answered Finn with my fist. "We've said our peace. The only thing we can hope for is that he changes his mind."
"I won't!" I repeated with annoyance.
"We'll leave." Eli announced, in the same diplomatic way he always did when trying to mediate altercations between Finn and I. "But, we'll be at Willowhead in one weeks time. If anything should change by then, please consider meeting us there."
"You'll leave tonight?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.
"Considering the entire bottle we've polished off," Eli gestured to the whiskey in front of him, "we'll be gone first thing in the morning."
I examined Eli closely, searching for any hint that he was messing with me or trying to pull a fast one to get me to go home. But, he seemed genuine.
Watching Eli and Finn polish off the last of their drinks, I couldn't wait for them to skip town. There was so much that I needed to sort though. There was so much that I needed to figure out.