The Dealers

Chapter 9 - Lena

Who was I? I didn't even recognize myself as I threw caution to the wind and let my hormones take over. I would never make the first move.

I needed to be strong. I still felt guilty about Jacob and how I left him hanging earlier but then, there was Noah right in front of me and he stirred up so many other things within me. Not knowing how to process everything, I had no choice but to push things to the back of my mind and hope that I was strong enough to keep a lid on it all. I couldn't let Noah see me lose my grip on things.

My brain began to panic as I went back and forth about whether to kiss Noah. In a mental frenzy, I put myself out there and pushed clear out of my comfort zone as I reached for his face and kissed him long and hard.

From the moment our lips touched, I knew that it was right. Any fears that it was a mistake disappeared as I felt his hand cradle my head and pull me in closer. The entire whirlwind of emotions and passion erupted between us and I was completely consumed by him.

Scared, unsure and passionate all at once, I let myself be overwhelmed by it all. I let everything flood in. I let myself feel. One by one, my inhibitions disappeared as I felt his hand around my waist, tugging at me to rest on top of his lap.

Still slightly afraid that this would go too far, I admitted to myself that I didn't care if it did. Noah would be gone soon. He would leave and probably never come back to Cedar Falls. What if I never got this chance again? I had to shoot my shot.

As my body molded to his lap and my legs wrapped around his waist, I tried to push the uncertainties from my mind. If I overthought it, I'd stop and regret it for the rest of my life.

Was a short period of carnal desire worth the loneliness and heartache that would surely follow once he moved on from here to a new place without me?

Sharp, painful spasms shot through my chest as I tried to ignore logic and just enjoy my body on his. I couldn't ignore the thoughts flowing through me but, it became easier once I felt Noah's body reacting to mine.

I wanted Noah badly. The clothes that separated us began to annoy me and the thought of ripping it all ways did cross my mind but I wasn't sure if I had it in me.

To be fair, I didn't know if I had that in me until I went for it, either.

I was never the girl that made the fist move. I was never that girl that gave in at the first cute guy to pitch her a half-decent pickup line. I was the girl that knew who she was and what she was worth. I was the girl that held out hope for real romance and true love—albeit in vain.

Maybe I was partially lying to myself, though?

Did I really know my worth? In the back of my memory, where I'd shuttered it away, distant memories bit back at me. I was tough on the outside but only because I was broken on the inside.

There I was straddling a guy I had only known for a short while. I didn't even recognize myself but there was something thrilling about it all and I couldn't rein myself in. It was better than facing the emotions I was trying so hard to suppress.

"Am I crazy?" I sighed as I let the edge taper off and I settled less seductively onto Noah's lap. "I mean, this is crazy right?"

As he swept the fallen curls from my face as I looked down at him, Noah only smiled. I tried to remind myself that this would be a mistake and I shouldn't push my luck. If he was leaving, I had to let him. I felt like either way, I'd get my heart broken.

"Crazy...is a relative term." He laughed with that beautiful left dimple. "I mean, I've seen crazier things."

I searched his eyes for what he wasn't telling me but couldn't place it. He was charming and used that charm to hide something—but what?