Snowflakes & Fireweeds

9. Brave

The next three days were spent in silence most of the time. Taehyung had once again promised himself to put some distance between himself and Jungkook, and that's what he did.
They shared the meals and held superficial conversations during these times. But apart from that, they spent their days without each other. Taehyung tried to paint or read books, while Jungkook went through his photos, cuddled with Yeontan, and prepared the meals.
On the outside nothing had changed, the snow was still falling from time to time and the temperature stayed on  the freezing side.
The snow had piled up to about 1 1/2 feet. Jungkook had cleaned the paths outside the doors everyday, so you could walk from the house through the garden or from the entrance door to the beginning of the woods.
The road was still closed. The photographer checked it daily, and everytime he looked it up on the internet, he hoped that it hadn't changed. Although Taehyung had put a distance between them, Jungkook wasn't dumb and felt the older's eyes on him whenever he did something. He saw the longing gazes the painter threw at him, and felt the pull they had towards each other.

On Friday afternoon Taehyung's phone started ringing. He was sitting in his studio, once again trying to find inspiration for the painting requested by the orphanage.
Surprisingly, he was happy about the distraction as his mind didn't come up with any new ideas and his head already hurt from his constant thinking about a motif.
He didn't check the caller ID, already expecting it to be Jimin. And of course he was right.
"Hi Tae!!" His best friend sounded upbeat as always.
"Hi Chim! How was your week?"
This question was followed by silence.
"Chim?"
"Uhm, yes. Yeah. I'm here. I just had to check if I dialed the right number."
Tae snorted.
"What? Why?"
"You sound different..."
"What? Why? Well, I'm sitting here, stressed out over the painting for the Wings orphanage, not coming up with anything special. So yeah, I guess I may sound a little unnerved."
"Uhm. No... No... It's actually the opposite. You're talking so much. I'm confused."
"What?"
Taehyung felt like he was running in a circle, repeating the same question over and over again.
"Tae, you haven't talked this much on the phone since we got close six years ago. You've never ever said much, always just listened. And if you talked, you always had this tone... As if you were carrying a heavy burden. You sound so...light. Did something happen between you and Jungkook?"
"What?"
Taehyung was dumbfounded. There was a sigh on the other end.
"You already said that... So, did something happen?"
"No, yes... Maybe?"
"At least it's not a 'what' anymore!"
Jimin giggled excitedly.
"So, what happened?"
"We talked. I told him about what I did... And he told me why he was here."
"Oh." Jimin's happy mood seemed to have faded in an instant.
"That wasn't what I had expected after... Well, you sound so... normal. No offense. It's so unusual for you, and that this happened after you told him about the accident is surprising, to say the least."
Taehyung remained quiet. Jimin was right. If he really thought about it, he felt a little lighter. He still woke up at the exact time, but his thoughts didn't wander to that night that often anymore. And if they did, he was able to keep a certain distance and not be dragged into the darkness. Huh. That was strange.
"Tae?"
Jimin's voice pulled him back to reality.
"Ahh.. Yes. What?"
Jimin grunted.
"You're forbidden to use this word for the next 24 hours."
Taehyung was just about to ask once again, but he suppressed it and let out a giggle. He was really feeling lighter.
"Holy Moly, I need a drink. Did you just GIGGLE?!?! OK I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT JUNGKOOK IS DOING TO YOU, BUT PLEASE LET HIM CONTINUE!!!"
Taehyung's eyes became wide, he really didn't expect this outburst.
"Well... Not possible. I already told him that I'm a murderer and that I'm dangerous... And I'm keeping my distance from him."
And then the line went dead. Taehyung held the phone in front of his eyes, confused about what had just happened. The next second it rang again, he accepted the call and held it to his ear.
"Wh... "
Jimin huffed.
"No what! I was just a little annoyed... But back to the topic. And what did Jungkook say? When you said that you were a murderer?"
"He... Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does."
"He said that he doesn't think that I'm a murderer and..."
"And?"
"Well, nothing much. I stood up then and left."
"Oh Tae..."
"Wha - uhm. Huh?"
Jimin laughed.
"Did you really just exchange the word 'what' to 'huh'?"
Taehyung pressed his lips in a thin line, suppressing a giggle. This was so stupid.
"I guess I did..."
Jimin giggled again.
"Okay, I don't know what he's doing, but please let him continue. Kim Taehyung, you sound genuinely relaxed, and maybe he can make you feel better."
Taehyung wanted to protest then, his usual habit of denying any possibility for happiness already kicking in, but he didn't get the chance, as Jimin continued.
"I know you don't like the idea, but please give it a try. Maybe, just maybe, your time of repentance is over and you can start to be happy again. And maybe Jungkook is the key. I don't know the details, but I know that he helped you through a panic attack. And I know how hard that can be on the other person. I didn't know what was going on the first times that happened. But he knew what to do, he calmed you down, didn't he?"
Taehyung just grunted in agreement.
Jimin continued.
"Maybe he's a safe place, YOUR safe place, Tae. The key to going out into the world again, leaving this house, if only for a short while. I know you need this house to stay close to Jinah and Mark."
Taehyung felt a stab at the mention of the two names.
"But please believe me, when I say that they want you to be happy. Whatever you think you did, Jinah and Mark loved you, and they want to see you smile. And Jungkook seems to be the one that makes you smile."
Taehyung gulped. He felt a spark inside of him at the mention of the younger's name and the idea that he might help him to get out of his shell. He didn't think he would ever want to leave this house, but going out again, down to the city, with Jungkook by his side, actually sounded like a wonderful plan. But then again, he couldn't. He was a murderer, he couldn't let Jungkook be near him. He wasn't good for him.
Jimin must have sensed Tae's inner struggle, as he continued to persuade him.
"Tae, it's okay. It's alright to get better again. To go out, to enjoy, to breathe, to LIVE."
Taehyung remained quiet for some time and Jimin finally let him. He knew that the other needed some time to wrap his mind around the idea. But he also knew that Taehyung would accept it in the end.
Although they didn't have such a close friendship during their high school years, Jimin still remembered that Taehyung had always been cheerful, full of life and always smiling. And after all these years of silence and sadness, he had finally encountered this old Taehyung once again. And whatever it was that made him that way, had to stay. After some time Taehyung spoke again. It was very low, barely a whisper, but Jimin had never been more sure about what he heard.
"I'll try."