Snowflakes & Fireweeds

7. Story Of My Life Pt. 1

Jungkook grabbed the two cups of tea and went over to Taehyung, who was already sitting at one end of the couch. He put Taehyung's cup down in front of him and pondered over where to sit - close to the other or at the other side.
Taehyung was looking down, his body a little hunched. Jungkook decided this defensive position left him with only one choice, and he sat down at the other end of the couch. And then he waited.

Taehyung was going through the story in his head. It was hard to push down the panic that was about to spread each time he saw the images in his head. But he had to tell Jungkook. He had to let him know what kind of monster he was.
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath.
"Jungkook, I'm a murderer."
Jungkook, who was just about to take a sip from his cup, halted his movements. His eyes got big like saucers.
Silence.
And then.
"What?"
"I'm a murderer, Kook. I killed people."
"What- how? What??"
Jungkook clearly couldn't comprehend, so Taehyung continued.
"I'm the reason two people are dead. I killed them. It was my fault."
Taehyung felt the panic rise inside of him. He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. He couldn't have a panic attack now. He had to tell Jungkook so he could stay away from him. His lungs tightened and he had trouble to breathe. He felt the darkness slowly pulling him in. It grabbed at his heart, clenching around his lungs. The pain was rising like an iceberg freezing him to death.
Suddenly there was a warm feeling around his hands. He opened his eyes slowly and saw Jungkook's hands clasped around his. The younger had shuffled closer to him and was holding his hands now.
"Tae, I don't understand. But I'm here and I need you to calm down and tell me what this is about."
Jungkook was so calm and warm, and that made Taehyung relax immediately. He slowly pulled his hands from Jungkook's grasp. He needed to do this alone. However, he felt safe because he knew that Jungkook was close.
He took a deep breath.
"Six... Six years ago I killed my sister and my best friend."
Jungkook was silent. He had so many questions whirling around in his head, but he decided that it was best to let Taehyung speak at his own pace. Step by step.
"We went to a party, up in the mountain at the resort," Taehyung continued.
"It was Jimin's birthday party. It was October. My sister Jinah, Mark, and I went there together. Mark was my best friend. And I loved him dearly. He was head over heels in love with Jinah, but she didn't know. He wanted to confess to her on Christmas eve. Mark was... He was supposed to drive, but about one hour into the party he decided he wanted a drink. Jinah was flirting with some guys, and he didn't like that. I told him to not drown himself in alcohol and thank God, he didn't. Still, he had a few drinks, and we decided that I would drive back. I didn't have anything alcoholic, but I just had my license for two weeks or something. I didn't like to drive, and I never needed to because Mark was always driving."
Taehyung took a sip from his cup. He didn't know how he would get to the actual story when he already had problems telling this part. His heart was tightening every few seconds, breathing already started to become difficult.
He felt Jungkook squeezing his hand, and then quickly retreating. Taehyung was overwhelmed. How could he be so sweet to him? He quickly had to tell his story, so Jungkook could see who he really was.
"At about 1 in the morning we decided to head back. Jinah was a little drunk, so Mark helped her into the car. She sat on the the passenger seat and Mark went to the back. I didn't know that he didn't put on his belt until..." Taehyung took a deep breath. "Until later."
He bit his lips. Now he had to pull himself together. Jungkook needed to know.
"We got into the car and I started driving. We had some music playing, I think it was some dance song. Jinah was still in the mood for partying, so I let her choose the station. Mark was sitting in the back, in the middle of the seat. He was leaning to the front, singing  together with Jinah. I tried to pay attention to the road. And I did... in the beginning. But then I let myself be distracted. I mean there's nothing but just this one road, right... At this time no one was driving up there, so I let myself go... I joined them in singing along. We were laughing, shouting the chorus... And then... Then.. "
Taehyung closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Now was the time. He needed to confess his crime. He felt the coldness once again creeping up on him. The darkness was pulling him in, weighing him down and holding him in its tight grasp.
But then there was warmth again. Jungkook. He had once again wrapped his hands around Taehyung's, that were clenched into fists. Taehyung squeezed his eyes, his face distorting into one of pain and anger.
"Tae, I'm here," he heard the younger whisper. "I'm here and I'm listening." He squeezed Taehyung's hands lightly to emphasize his words.
Taehyung took his time and calmed down his breathing. He could do that. He had to do it. He had to tell Jungkook the truth so the photographer could distance himself from him.
"We... We came to the crossroad. You know, the one where your car broke down."