Snowflakes & Fireweeds

23. The Calm After The Storm

Silence.
That's what followed after Namjoon had put down the book.
Jungkook was still engulfed by his boyfriend's arms and he was really grateful for that, as his inside was a storm of emotions.
First there was anger.
Anger about his father betraying his mother and also his whole family. Anger for lying and destroying the relationships he had. When he looked at his mother, who was a crying mess right now, this anger amplified.
But then he also felt relief for finally knowing what had happened. He had wanted to know for so long, and now he finally had the chance to close this chapter.
Then there was sorrow. Not for himself, but for Tae. Sorrow, that his father had failed to save Jinah and Mark. And although Tae had assured him that he wasn't mad or anything, Jungkook knew that it wasn't so easy to forgive. He didn't know if he could forgive his father, how could Tae be so sure?
And finally, and especially as he looked at his boyfriend, there was hope. Hope that they would overcome this and finally be able to leave the past behind. Because the love and the spark in the older's eyes that he had recovered so many weeks ago, was still there. Not as strong in this moment, rather a little light dot, but it was there. This notebook was closure for him and for Tae, and he would do everything he could to start a new chapter with him. He wouldn't let go, no matter how much his father's guilt would nag at him, he wouldn't let go of this boy. And he prayed that Tae was on the same page as him.
All these thoughts and emotions ran through Jungkook as he sat on the couch and stared at the coffee table, his arms tightly clasped around Taehyung, who was cuddled up to him.
The older buried his nose into Jungkook's neck and made him smile.
Jungkook looked up and met his mother's eyes that where looking at him from across the table. Her eyes were red from crying. Tears were still spilling out and wetting her face. But although they were showing the pain she was in after learning all that had happened, they also held love and care. He felt Taehyung stir in his arms and let go a little, just to watch his boyfriend stand up and step next to the couch. He looked at Taehyung in confusion.

Taehyung was engulfed in Jungkook's warm embrace. And he loved it. He loved this place in between his boyfriend's arms. He loved his intoxicating smell that always calmed his nerves. Or the way his chest moved when he breathed. Or the way he pressed his lips against each other when he was deep in thoughts, like he was now.
The older closed his eyes and inhaled his boyfriend's smell as he pressed his nose into his neck. He didn't want to lose him. He didn't want to let go and he was afraid he had to. He knew Jungkook and his family had reassured him that it hadn't been his fault their father and husband had died. But still, Taehyung couldn't get rid of the guilt. And he knew the feeling wouldn't vanish so soon and he would have to pray for forgiveness many times. But he wanted to stay. He wanted to be part of Jungkook's life, and that also meant that he would have to make it right with his family. He had decided to do anything possible to make them forgive him. And he would start now, right this moment. He squeezed Jungkook once more and then stood up, stepping next to the couch. Everyone's eyes were on him and he inhaled deeply. He knew Jungkook was looking at him in surprise, not knowing what was coming.
Taehyung inhaled once more and got down on his knees. He heard a surprised gasp, but continued nonetheless. He bowed down, made himself small and timid and then started to speak.
"I am so sorry. Minah, Jin, Namjoon, and Jungkook. I am deeply sorry for what has happened. I apologize for being the reason for your father's death. I am so sorry that you have lost your husband and your father. I am so sorry. I will do anything to soothe your pain. Please…. Please allow me to stay in Jungkook's life. Please let me make it right to you."
Silence followed after his speech. Then shuffling, as if someone was moving. Some moments later he felt hands on his shoulders, he didn't move though, he wanted to show them that he meant what he had said.
The hands on his shoulders gave him a soft squeeze, indicating that he should look up. He slowly lifted his head and was met with Minah, who was kneeling in front of him.
She smiled at him, her face still wet from the tears she had spilled during the reading.
She moved one hand from his shoulders and pushed his chin up.
"Oh, Taehyung," she started, "you're such a sweet boy."
He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head.
"There is no need for you to apologize. We already told you that you don't have to be sorry for anything. I can only imagine what you have been through, and I can only imagine how you must feel. But let me assure you that no one thinks that it's your fault my husband died. Please get that out of your head. You're a part of our family now, if you want to be. And if anything, you have been sent to us to make up for my husband's departure. Fate can be a tricky and nasty thing just as much as it can bring you your happiness. I believe that everything that happens is fate, and we have to accept it. We're all hurt, but that doesn't mean we don't want you in our lives."
Her eyes wandered to Jungkook and she smiled.
"I haven't seen my son this happy and content in years. His father's change had hurt him so much. But the young man that arrived at our house today looked almost like my old son again. And I believe that you're part of the reason why he's becoming himself again. So I don't allow you to stay by his side, Taehyung, I urge you to stay. Please stay and make my son happy. And make yourself happy too!"
Somewhere along the way Taehyung had started crying, which he only realized now as Minah wiped his tears.
He didn't know what to say, overwhelmed by the trust and love this woman was showing him.
"Will you stay with my Kookie, Taehyung?"
He nodded frantically. Yes, yes, a million times yes. He would stay with Jungkook as long as the younger would have him.
"Thank you," he finally whispered.
She shook her head.
"No. Thank YOU for staying with him."
He just nodded, speechless again. Soon he was pulled into a hug and he hugged her back.
How did he deserve all this love?