Snowflakes & Fireweeds

21. The Call

Taehyung woke up the next morning because he felt cold. He extended his hand but was only met with an empty bed. Immediately he shot up and looked around, suddenly scared that Jungkook had left. Before he could fall into a panic though, the door to the room opened and Jimin came in.
He had a light smile on his face that immediately faded when he saw the look on Taehyung's face. He rushed to his friend's side and reached out for him.
"Tae, Tae, are you ok? What happened?"
Taehyung felt like a wall was pressing onto his lungs, squeezing out every last breath he had.
He tried to say Jungkook's name, but only a strange whimper came out.
Jimin seemed to have understood nonetheless as he hugged Taehyung and started speaking.
"Jungkook? He's packing your stuff into his car. He's outside with Tannie, Tae. He wanted to let you sleep in."
The pressure was gone within seconds and Taehyung closed his eyes to take a deep breath. Of course, he had just gotten up earlier. He wouldn't leave him.
Jimin hugged him a little tighter, patting his hair.
"It's okay, Tae. We're all here. It's okay."
Taehyung buried his face into the smaller man's chest and shook his head.
"It's not ok, Chim. How stupid am I to get a panic attack because he got up earlier?! This is so stupid!"
"No, it's not!" Jimin pulled back and looked at him, a caring but strict gaze in his eyes.
"Taehyung, you used to have panic attacks from the smallest things. You were doing good for so long. Of course it's not all better at once. But you'll get there!"
Taehyung closed his eyes and huffed out a breath. Why couldn't he be better already?
They heard steps outside the door and Jimin squeezed his shoulder once again, gave him a reassuring smile and got up from the bed, just before the door opened.
Jungkook's head popped in and he beamed when his eyes landed on Taehyung.
"Hey, Tae. Are you up yet? I thought we could leave in about an hour?"
Taehyung's body immediately filled with warmth and he smiled. How could he even think that Jungkook would leave him? The younger's eyes held so much love and appreciation, there was no way he would leave. The older smiled back at him, stretched out his arms and made grabby hands while speaking in a whiney voice.
"Only if I get some Kookie-cuddles first!"
Jungkook chuckled and stepped in, making his way over to the bed, followed by Yeontan. At the same time Jimin groaned and rolled his eyes, making his way out the room, picking up the dog on his way out.
"Were not needed here anymore, buddy."
But just before he closed the door, Taehyung saw his happy smile that was directed at the couple.

As Jungkook had wished, they left about an hour later in Jungkook's car, Jungkook and Taehyung in the front seats, while Yeontan little box was in the backseat. Jimin and Hoseok hugged them goodbye and waved as they drove off.
Taehyung looked out the window, the scenery passing by, a soft tune playing from the radio and his left hand in Jungkook's right.
He knew he should be completely happy, but something was nagging him in the back of his mind. He was still asking himself about the mysterious man Julia had mentioned. Who had he been? Why had he left? And why didn't Taehyung remember him? He could call his parents and ask. But he hadn't spoken to them in months. Occasional calls for the holidays and birthdays were the only times he would hear their voices. The guilt he had felt after causing the accident had made him distance himself from his parents. He didn't want them to be pressured to stay in contact with him, the cause of their daughter's passing. So he had kept his distance for a long time now, kept the contact to a minimum. And they had never shared anything personal since the accident. When he was younger, his parents had been his first choice for every question or worry he had. And they had never shown him anything other than love. When he came out as gay during his teenage years, he had been afraid that his parents would be disappointed. But although coming from a rather homophobic country, they had hugged him tight and thanked him for being honest with them. They told him that they loved him and they were proud of him for being honest. But this love and trust were also the reasons why he had felt so guilty after the accident. He had disappointed them in the worst way possible, not being worthy of their love anymore.
All these thoughts were running through his mind, his worries and guilt increasing the more he thought about it.
Suddenly he felt a squeeze on his hand and he turned his head towards Jungkook. The younger was looking at the road, but quickly glanced at Taehyung when he felt him looking at him.
"What's on your mind, Tae?"
Taehyung shook his head, he didn't want to bring the man up again, especially as they were on the way to Jungkook's family to resolve the mystery about his father. His own mystery could wait. It had to.
"Nothing, Kookie. Everything's alright."
Now it was Jungkook's turn to shake his head.
"I know something is worrying you. And I'm here to worry with you. So tell me, please."
Jungkook interlaced their fingers to underline his plea, showing Taehyung that he really meant his words.
The familiar warmth once again spread through his body, his lips tugging up at the corners automatically.
"That's really sweet, Kookie, but we're on our way to your home to solve your mystery. Mine can wait."
"We still have a two-hour drive ahead of us. Plenty of time to try to solve your mystery first, baby."
Taehyung involuntarily blushed at the nickname. He felt another squeeze of his hand, encouraging him to take the next step. He took a deep breath and nodded. Ok. He would try.
"I was just thinking about the man Julia mentioned. I can't stop asking myself if there really was someone and if so, why he disappeared."
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jungkook nod.
"You're right, it is a strange story. Do you want to call your parents and ask about it?"
Taehyung hesitated, remembering the thoughts he had just had some moments prior.
He felt Jungkook's thumb caress his hand. He smiled.
"Yes. Yes, I think I can try."
Jungkook nodded as Taehyung already took out his phone and started dialing his parents' number.
He put his phone on loud speaker and listened to the dial tone. It rang two times before there was a click on the line and his mother's voice said a soft "Hello?"
Taehyung gulped and didn't know what to say. He felt lost, his mother's voice bringing back the warm and safe feeling of home. Jungkook's hand was now on his knee and caressed him softly, showing him that he was there. A light tap by the younger made Taehyung realize that he hadn't said anything for half a minute.
"Ehm…", he started, his throat suddenly dry.
"Tae? Is that you?"
He opened his eyes wide. Of course, she was his mother. She just needed a single tone and she knew it was him. He cleared his throat.
"Ah, yes, hi mom. It's me. Ho-how are you?"
He exhaled a breath he didn't know he had been holding, his free hand searching Jungkook's and holding onto him tightly.
"Oh, Tae baby! I-I'm good. How are you?"
He didn't miss the small stutter and he knew that she was just as nervous as him.
Taehyung looked at Jungkook and smiled. He could answer that question easily.
"I'm fine. I'm doing better and I'm - I would say I'm really fine."
He saw Jungkook smile lovingly while still focusing on the road ahead. Taehyung also shifted his gaze to the front and paid attention to the phone call again.
"This is good to hear, my love."
Taehyung realized that not only he was awkward and unsure of how to act, but so was his mother.
It was sad how they never had fought or anything, but still both felt guilty for not speaking properly to each other in years.
"How is dad?"
He was genuinely curious how his parents were. Not if they still missed Jinah - because that was a given - and also not if they were mad at him because deep down he knew that they never had been. It had always been only himself feeling this guilt. He just wanted to know the present now, he had stayed stuck in the past long enough.
"He's fine as well. He's in the garden right now with Chicco."
Taehyung felt the corners of his lips go up. His mother's voice had gotten lighter at the mention of her husband and their dog. That just showed how much she loved them and Taehyung couldn't stop himself from wishing to have such a long lasting love as his parents. One that overcomes all obstacles and hurt and stayed strong through all the storms.
As if on cue, Jungkook's hand found his and they interlaced their fingers. Taehyung's body started to tingle all over.
"That's really good to hear, mom. I hope I can see the garden soon and also finally meet Chicco."
He heard his mother inhale a surprised breath and he was just as astonished by his suggestion as she was. But it had just felt right to say it and he knew he meant every single word. He wanted to finally see them again, see where and how they lived and meet the dog they had gotten two years ago. It was high time.
"We would love that." His mother's voice was quieter now, probably overwhelmed by the emotions. And then, even quieter, she continued.
"We miss you."
Taehyung felt tears prickle at the back of his eyes and he looked up, trying to hold them back. They were happy tears, though, and he smiled as he answered honestly.
"I miss you, too. I will come and see you, soon. I promise."
"Yes, Tae. Please do so."
"But, mom…"
"Yes?"
"Could I bring someone?"
He saw Jungkook's surprised face and pulled the younger's hand towards his lips, leaving a trail of soft kisses on the back of it.
"Yes. Of course. Who-?"
"My boyfriend."
The line went silent for some seconds before he heard her exhale through her nose and knew she was smiling.
"Yes, baby. Please bring your boyfriend. What's his name?"
"His name is Jungkook and he's sitting next to me right now, Mom."
"Well, hello Jungkook."
"Hello Mrs. Kim."
Being the polite boy he was, Jungkook bowed his head although she couldn't see him.
"I am really curious of you already. I hope my son doesn't give you a headache."
Her small joke made them all giggle and Taehyung's happiness was amplified as he saw Jungkook shaking his head fiercely.
"No, Mrs. Kim. He's beautiful and kind and just perfect for me."
The woman laughed now, a happy sound without any worries.
"This is good to hear. I really hope we meet each other soon!"
Jungkook nodded. "I hope so too, Mrs. Kim."
Taehyung beamed. He couldn't wait for it.
But then he remembered the actual reason for the call.
"Mom," he cleared his throat.
She immediately calmed down, probably sensing that something important was to happen.
"Yes, Tae?"
"Actually, I called because I have a question. Or more like questions that came up after I met Julia by chance some days ago."
"Julia as in Jinah's Julia?"
"Yes. I've met her at Jimin's dance school where her daughter is dancing. And she told me something I'm curious about."
"What is it?"
"It's.. About the accident."
"What about it?"
Although he couldn't see his mother, Taehyung felt the change of her demeanor immediately. As it was for him, it was also a harsh topic for her, of course, that's why her voice was small and quiet again. Pain just doesn't disappear that fast.
It was best to continue quickly and get it over with.
"She told me that I had spoken about a man when I was in the hospital. That I asked about him. Do you know something about this? Because I don't remember."
His mother was quiet for some seconds, probably remembering the days after the accident.
"I'm.. I'm not sure, Tae. I think you could've mentioned something--oh no. Wait. Yes, yes you spoke about a man. But it was more like sleep talking in the beginning. You mumbled things like 'Where are you going? Why don't you help them?'
Sometimes you woke up, screaming as if you were frustrated. And then you would sob and say 'Why did he leave? Why didn't he help them? Why just me?' - "
Her answer was interrupted by a sob.
Taehyung straightened in his seat, his own eyes already starting to brim over with tears.
"Mom-"
"No, no, baby, it's okay. It's just," a deep inhale, "it's just that I didn't talk about this in months. And I didn't remember you talking about a man immediately. How could I forget? We… Your father and I, we thought that it was just some kind of nightmare. But now that you mention it, it is strange that you were found outside the car."
Taehyung's eyes grew wide.
"What?"
"Yes, you… You were lying about 15 feet from the car, the driver's door wide open. The police thought you had made your way out somehow, you had gotten out to get help."
Taehyung shook his head. No. No way. The last thing he remembered was him falling unconscious in the car. Jinah's quiet presence next to him, him trying to reach out for her, all the pain and the smell of blood and gasoline. Suddenly the darkness was back, closing in on him. He heard a thud and someone calling his name. It sounded like his mother. And then it sounded like Jungkook. And then he curled in on himself.

Jungkook felt that something was wrong the moment Taehyung's mother mentioned the accident again. Taehyung's body became rigid and then everything just happened so fast, the older letting go of the phone and his hand, crossing his arms as if he was trying to protect himself, and then curling into a ball. He heard Mrs. Kim call her son's name as the phone fell.
Jungkook immediately pulled over and stopped the car. He opened his and Taehyung's seat belts and leaned over him, pulling him into a hug, while he picked up the phone from the ground.
"Hello, Mrs. Kim?"
"Yes, hello? Jungkook is that you?"
"Yes, M'am. Taehyung is having a panic attack."
"Oh God, my baby, I-"
He heard the guilt in her voice and tried to calm her down.
"No, it's okay, Mrs. Kim. I got him. I know how to handle this. I'm with him and he's safe. Please don't feel guilty."
"But-but I said-"
"Yes, you did. But he asked. He knew what he was doing. It's fine. I'm with him and I'll stay with him. But I need to end the call now to take care of him. We will call you later, I promise."
He heard her sobbing and felt bad for her.
"I'm sorry, I-"
"No, Mrs. Kim, it was his decision and that's what he needed to know. He will get out of it. I'm here for him. We will call you later. I promise. I just need to hang up now."
"OK… Yes, Yes, ok. I'm sorry."
He heard another voice in the background and knew Tae's father must have appeared.
"It's okay, M'am. We'll talk later. Bye."
"Bye."
He ended the call and put the phone away, pulling Taehyung in closer. He felt the older already relax in his arms and knew that this attack would be soon over.

Taehyung felt a tingling sensation as someone's fingertips danced along his back. His head was resting against something firm, his cheek flush against a soft fabric. He opened his eyes and was met with the dashboard of a car, the front window showing just darkness that was occasionally broken by the lights of cars that were passing by. He stirred and immediately the tight embrace, he had been in, loosened. As he sat up, two large and dark eyes full of concern were looking at him.
Jungkook. His Jungkook.
The younger reached out and caressed his cheek.
"Are you back, Tae?"
Taehyung nodded, his boyfriend's voice already driving the lingering anxiety away. He leaned into the touch and huffed out a breath, his body exhausted from the cramp, induced by the panic attack.
Jungkook smiled softly, leaning forward and pecking his lips, before kissing all over his face. The feeling was heavenly and Taehyung couldn't help but to close his eyes and enjoy the feeling.
Then he remembered the call and leaned back a little.
"My mom-"
Jungkook nodded.
"I spoke to her, don't worry. I explained everything to her and let her know that I was with you. She was worried of course, but it's okay, baby. You took a big step and I'm sure your mother knows and understands. She was worried, but your father appeared and calmed her down as well, I think. So no need to worry too much!"
Taehyung nodded although he didn't feel too happy. His mother must have been shocked.
"Hey, Tae. It's okay. Just call her and let her know you're better."
Taehyung nodded and smiled at the younger. He leaned in and gave him a soft kiss.
"OK, I will, Kookie. Thank you so much. Now let's continue the drive. We don't want to keep your mom waiting any longer. And I will call my mom and make sure that she's OK."
Jungkook nodded, pecked his nose and then sat back to put on his seat belt and start the engine again.
Taehyung buckled up as well and picked up his phone.
This time it took only one ring and someone answered the phone. It was a male voice. His father.
"Hey, dad."
"Tae!!!! How are you boy? Are you better?"
Taehyung was overwhelmed by the concern in his father's voice. He had never paid much attention to his parents' pain, always being occupied with his own sorrows.
"Yes, I am. Jungkook helped me."
"Ah, your mom told me about this boy. Tell him I say hi."
His voice sounded cheerful now.
"I will, dad! How is mom?"
"She's better, son. She told me what you asked about. I don't want to trigger another attack. Just know that we thought your talking about a man was some medicine-induced hallucinations. We're sorry."
"It's okay, dad. It could be just that. But I somehow feel there might be more. I guess I have to talk to the police. Try to find out something."
He saw Jungkook reaching out for his hand and he met him halfway, the touch of the younger's skin giving him the feeling of safety.
"Are you sure? Don't you think this might better stay in the past now that you're getting better?"
Taehyung shook his head, but then he remembered his father couldn't see the gesture.
"No. I'm sure I have to find out who he was and why he left, if he ever was there. I think I need that for closure."
Now it was his father's turn to stay quiet, probably nodding.
"OK. Just know that we're here for you. And we're happy that you called. You can't imagine how happy this makes us."
Taehyung smiled.
"Me, too, dad. I promise I will call again soon! And also come visit you. I -"
He gulped.
"I miss you."
"We miss you, too son. We miss you, too."
They said their goodbyes shortly afterwards. And although Taehyung hadn't gotten the answers he wanted, he was now sure that he needed his parents again. And that he would go to see them as soon as possible.