Chapter 68

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The sun had long since set and the fires of the fallen continued to burn. There was a morose silence amongst the werwolves who had survived.

The earth was wet from the rain and as we went about collecting bodies, weapons, fallen tents and  everything else scattered in the fields, the stench of death and blood was everywhere. It was on our skin and soaked into the earth. Splattered on the white tents and the castle walls. It was—a rather depressing site.

So many were injured and as exhausted as I was I couldn't go and just lie down even if it was only for a few moments. Xavier was dragged off somewhere and was probably helping with the bodies and taking record of the fallen. Shortly after our reunion, Chris went of to help collect the weapons and Ginger an I set of to help the injured. I don't know how but we got separated.

I had just finished disinfecting an elderly ladies arm when she patted my shoulder as I leaned down to finish up my work. I looked down at her worn out face as she sat on a make shift hospital bed, a small smile gracing her face.

"Thank you Queen Luna, I am honoured."

"Don't mention it Marie, it's my pleasure."

"Queen Luna, you look awfully pale please for my sake go and let the pack doctor have a look at you." She looked so concerned for me that I found it hard to brush it off and say I didn't have time to go and that I still had to go and help others.

Instead I smiled gently at her and reassure her that I would go. I don't know if she believed that I would go because as soon as I was about to leave she called out from behind me, "Doctor Harrison, Doctor!" I turned at the same time Doctor Harrison turned to look at her, "Yes, do you need assistance?"

"Oh no no no, I am fine thanks to our Queen Luna but she needs to be examined." At the mention of me, Doctor Harrison turned to look at me and when he set his sights on me he said," Of course! I apologise profusely Queen Luna for not seeking you out to examine you. Please come into my office."

I could feel so many sets of eyes on me as I humbly followed behind him as he lead the way into his office.

As soon as we arrived he instructed me to sit a top a bed and then he did the usual check up. He shone a light into my eyes, checked my heartbeat and then asked me if anything hurt.

I wanted to say that virtually everything hurt but instead decided to tell him where it hurt the most, "My abdomen has been quite sore, I think it was when Cadmer attacked me with his magic and I was thrown back into a tree. But I'm sure the pain will go away it did only happen only a while ago."

He furrowed his brow and said that it may go away but he had to take a few more tests and examine it more closely.

Doctor Harrison seemed to be in his early fifties but you could just tell he still had a passion for his job. He seemed to have a sort of innate care for his patients.

After he took a scan of my stomach and did a few more tests he told me to sit down opposite his desk. He said it so sullenly that I couldn't help but feel a little anxious.

He took his seat in front  of his desk and looked down suddenly at a file on his desk and then slowly back up at me.

"Queen Luna I-I think you should mind link His Highness to join us before I tell you."

I furrowed my eyebrows and my anxiety spiked at his words and his tone.

"He's very busy right now Doctor and he has enough to deal with, please just tell me what's wrong."

He sighed but nodded his head.

"I'm afraid it is bad news," he said gently. My heart began to beat a bit faster, "what is it?" I asked. I held my breath as he remained silent, almost as if it pained him to tell me. With each second that passed my anxiety grew and grew.

He swallowed, "I'm-it...you have had a miscarriage."

His words stopped my heart all together. I blinked and I don't know when or how but tears began to well in my eyes.

"A mis-miscarriage," I said in disbelief. I couldn't believe it. A pup was growing inside of me and I didn't even know and now-now it was taken from me  only a few moments after I knew of its existence.

"I'm so sorry Luna..." he bowed his head and I remained seated my heart hammering wildly inside of my chest. I-I was pregnant, with a child. Our first child, Xaviers and mine and-and I had lost it.

Guilt began to rush through my entire body and a fresh set of tears began to fall from my eyes.

"How, how many weeks?" I asked, not knowing if my heart could take the answer.

"Four weeks Luna, which means the sex would not have been determined yet."

For four weeks I had a life growing inside of me and I didn't even know. I went straight into battle unknowingly! What if I had died? Xavier would never had know, I would never had know.

I was reeling from the news when Doctor Harrison said softly, "Queen Luna I know this must be hard for you and it pains me to say it but that is not all."

His words shook me out of my momentarily paralysis, "What, how could there be anything worse than what you have just told me?"

He looked at me with nothing but sadness and then abruptly got up and walked around to where I was seated. He took my hands into his and then said," It seems as if the hit you took not only caused  the miscarriage but it also damaged a lot of your womb and-and there is a possibility that you-that you could not have children ever again."

His words echoed inside of my head over and over again. When his words fully registered I completely broke down and he hugged me as a father would as I sobbed and sobbed.

What would Xavier say, what would he think of me? The main purpose of a Luna was to produce an Heir, to help carry on the blood line. I wasn't just a Luna I was the Queen Luna. It made everything so much more worse and for me? There was a possibility  I could never be a mother again? Xavier could never be a father? I took that away from him.

The thought made me sick. I knew I would end up hurting him more than ever and this was it. This would be how I hurt him and he would probably never say it but I knew this news would destroy him.

We could adopt but the child would never be our own, they would not have Alpha blood and that didn't matter to me but to werwolves, carrying down ones bloodline was so so important. We could have someone else carry our child but our child would be of Alpha blood, royal Alpha blood, it would be dangerous for someone else to carry it and werwolves were possessive and traditional, it would be  almost impossible to get another werewolf strong  enough and willing enough to do so.

A child was a sacred blessing, an honour and we were the King and Queen, I will sever the royal bloodline.

My thoughts were running through every scenario rapidly and the more I thought of what it meant to not be able to have a child the more I felt like drowning. To add salt to injury images of what our children would look like flashed before my eyes and it broke my heart to know I could never have that.

I don't know how but I had left Doctor Harrison's office and found my self outside amongst the busyness of the rest of the werwolves. They continued on and I wanted to shout that the world needed to just stop.

I walked not taking anything into account. I didn't know where I was walking to or to what but when I suddenly stopped I broke from my haze and registered my surroundings and tried to determine where my feet and taken me.

I looked straight ahead and my eyes like bees seeking honey latched onto him. He was standing behind a makeshift desk, his upper body hunched as his bowed head read through papers. I was watching him quietly when he looked up and met my eyes.

He looked straight at me as his eyes pinned me to my spot. He didn't move for a few moments and then suddenly he moved around his desk and began walking towards me.

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Till next Wednesday x

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