I always wondered why I was put here why I chose to do what I do say what I say and live how I live.
I have such a dark soul I did sumthin yesterday that I never thought I'd do. I was so angry I was in a super dark place i couldn't handle it.
"Handle what??"
The pain, the hurt, my anguished heart, this agony that I've never endured before. Why was I alive to feel my heart tear piece by piece till nothin was there?
Ik I prolly sound mad but really how could someone inflict so much pain onto another human being.
Mother to father
Sister to brother
Mother to daughter
I thought about ending my life yesterday. I was so fucked up in the head like I stg I don't even kno how sumthin could push me to that point. Because i always thought people who say they wanted to kill themselves were a joke and my apologies if offend anyone but i did but ik now thats not the case.
When u have so much bottled up emotion n stuff keeps adding on and adding on u wonder why u are here in the first place u wonder why is it happening to u.
I put 6 pills in my hand thinking it would stop my tears from falling. But then its like God spoke to me "It may stop your tears, but what about theirs?"
And in an instant i had flash back of every happy moment in my life n i fell on my knees and prayed to God to save me.
I asked him to take away the torment and hate that was over flowing my heart and replace it with forgiveness and love. I begged him to take away my tears and my pain. I wanted him to make my anger disappear. I screamed and cried so much this morning I slept the rest of the day. I put 3 holes in the wall in my room I broke a bat on a tree.
I was drained physically and emotionally. I had nothing left but bitterness. I felt no happiness no sadness no emotion. I felt broken as if there was no reason for anything.
How could anyone make another living breathing person feel this way. I asked "What did I do? Can I fix this?" And no response.
I felt like Americas Most Hated, I felt like a dead carcass getting eaten to death my crows. I felt like i was burning alive living in a Earth version of hell.
While my mother laid in a hospital bed motionless I made a promise to never let anyone make me feel that low again.
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Thoughts? Comments? I need ideas im running low
