Influences of Stars

Chapter 14

Once the town had led the newlyweds to their new home, it took a moment for them to fully disperse. Whilst anyone remained, their voices a low murmur through the door, Tibby stood by it as if she could see through, pretending she was not trapped inside. Her breath caught against the small space. When a silence came, her imagination dwindled but she couldn't bring herself to move from that spot, for there she was safe.

Behind her, Gideon stood in the middle of the room. What should he say to her? She appeared like a ghost, lingering in a threshold without moving. He feared jolting her into a world she did not belong if he should just call her name, the one which now had half of his in it.

"Elizabeth?" he asked. Lord, she was strange. He tried to adopt a kind tone but she seemed so faraway that he didn't know whether she noticed.

Was she frightened? His father had told him she was bound to be. Gideon searched her face for fear, but found something else instead. There was a paleness, yet, but she burned against this and she grew out of her ghostly frame and became animated by the deepness of her emotions, whirling in uncertainty and anger and a strange anticipation she didn't recognise.

Silence met him for a while. Eventually she spoke, saying only, "Yes?" She did not turn around until he beckoned her to look at him.

As they stood in this terrible silence, miles apart as they always were and almost slumped in on themselves, it struck Tibby that neither of them knew what was to follow. Where should they go and how should they proceed? They were clouded in a naivety that suffocated them.

After a painful stretch of time in this unknowing quiet, Tibby grew restless with the stillness. It was the same waiting as she had been doing for the past few weeks and she couldn't stand it any longer. "Are we to lie together?" she asked, not quite able to maintain a glance with him. "My mam's told me what I must do," she told him.

He was suspended between a silent incredulity and wanting to say something. Perhaps he shouldn't be so surprised. His father had spoken to him about it, after all. However, it was the fact that she had mentioned this conversation that caused Gideon to squirm. It seemed far too familiar, even if they were now married.

As Tibby watched him, she thought he must hate being married to her as much as she did him. If she were better, she would apologise for bringing him into this situation. It was his pleas on her behalf, after all, which led him to Yeardley's trap. And had he not married her, freeing her from a far worse fate?

Married. She was married now. Lord, how disgusting! There was no beauty in anything around her, not even the icy rain which ran like beads along the window pane. She couldn't open the window and jump out into the world as she used to. Wedlock prohibited it, tying her down to the floor she was condemned to walk along instead of the mossy trail in the woods she couldn't stop imagining in her head. She thought about it to make anything else disappear.

"Forgive me for asking," Gideon said, "Do you fear it?" He struggled to discuss it because he hadn't yet recognised that they were united by God. It still felt like a dream. Everything had happened so quickly. Weren't they children a moment ago, him seeing her from afar running about in the wild for a moment, before he passed on by and thought of matters far more important? For so long they had meant nothing to each other and now they were married. Something about that felt so odd.

"Yes," she said without hesitation. He kept away from her. When he said nothing, she felt moved to speak. Everyone had told her to be docile under her husband, if not for God's commands then for her own safety. However, nobody else was in that house with them. They stood witnessed by no one, and she hoped that offered a blankness she could write on. "I know this isn't what either of us intended but I should like very much for us to be friends, if we can."