Influences of Stars

Chapter 28

It is midnight when the lovers meet in the depths of the forest, chilled by the night air but warmed by the contact they soon find with one another. They light the darkness which surrounds them.

Charis doesn't know this man at all. She cannot even picture his face properly; they agreed to only meet in the night a while ago and now she sees him only as a shadow in the shape of a man. She can hear him, feel him, but not know him. There is a thrill in this. He can be anyone she wants him to be. Does he think of Constance when he holds her?

They do not speak to one another and Charis cannot see how he is reacting to it all afterwards. She can tell his enjoyment during it by his desperate hands, his sighs, his inexhaustible movements. However, afterwards there is always a blankness between them as they part. Does he feel used? Does he know why she needs him?

This is all so horrific, Charis thinks one night as she shifts beneath him. However, the shadows embolden her. Only the moon is there to witness their sin and God knows what is in her heart; he can see why she must do this.

"Mrs Yeardley," Leon says that night just as they are about to part, "I cannot in good conscience continue this. I feel we must beg God for forgiveness and never speak of it again." She has not heard his voice in so long. It is strangely loud despite the whisper he speaks with.

Charis could perhaps sustain herself on the memory of their intimacy for the rest of her life. The loveless years she has before her could be softened by this time and it would not matter that it ended because her mind has become strong. However, she is not yet sure if she is with child or not and that is truly what she needs to stay alive. How can she let Leon go if he is her only hope?

In her heart, she knows she should let him cleanse himself. How pure and godly he once was! Yet if it is between respecting his conscious or letting herself to live, she must choose the latter. She will fulfil her role as a woman by any means. Is there a cruelty in that?

Ignoring any inhibitions, she rekindles the intimate act with such fervent passion that his body melts into a desire he does not have the strength to ignore. He could walk away at any moment. He knows she will not force him if he leaves, but he makes no such attempt. After his declaration of goodness, he returns to the forest floor and writhes amongst the dirt and the fallen leaves.

As he buries his body into hers, the sound of the woods coming alive sinks into their languor. Leon stops moving, trapped over her, and looks into her eyes. The moonlight offers him a cast to see. They are both frozen, listening without a breath to the world around them.

"I must go," Leon says. The sounds seem to have ceased but the seeds of terror burrow into his mind tenuously. He cannot pull them out. This time, Charis offers no resistance to his attempts to leave as a whirl of fear begins to grasp her as well. The darkness is no longer a shield; it is a trap, allowing anything to circle them, edging closer, creeping, close to the floor and staring at them with wide eyes they cannot decipher.

Without a word, they part ways. Charis' footsteps become hurried. Is something following her? Lord, she can barely walk! Her legs drift into a nothingness as she begins to lose the following in her skin. She can hear every sound. There is something behind her, rustling its body against the leaves! Too terrified to turn around, she breaks into a run and that is when the true panic escalates throughout her entire being for any pretence is shattered.

The world breaks into a chorus of sound. Someone chases her, calls out her name, and brushes against her back. She pushes herself harder, the fabric of her dress curdling at this brief contact. Swerving in between the trees and tripping over every step, her movements become sloppy. Choked with tears, she loses breath and her body slows down, unable to respond to the blinding lights in her mind begging her to keep going.