I need you girl ||KTH||

One

It was my turn. I went up there and sat down.

"Hello!" He smiled brightly at me

I tried my maximum to smile as cheerfully as he did and gently answered him back.

"What's your name?" He took my left hand started caressing it.

I smiled weakly and looked at him "Eva, Park Eva..."

"Woah I have never seen my fan having such a beautiful name and being beautiful herself!" He winked

I chuckled lightly

"Hmm. Taehyungssi... I hope u will be good, achieve more dreams, and firstly love yourself. Don't t give up please" I smiled while tear dropped from my eye.

He quickly wiped it. I saw Jimin who was sitting next to him give me a look of worry but I ignored it.

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?" His brows furrowed.

"Because it is a goodbye. I would never forgive myself leaving this world without seeing my idols who at some point gave me reason to stay and continue living..." I sighed.

"Eva... I'm so confused" he looked at me with that concerned eyes of his.

"I'm saying goodbye because I am leaving this world. There's no point in anything anymore Tae... is there any value to this thing we call living?"

I saw tears sparkled in his eyes.

"Since I can't do anything let me just write something on your palm..." he smiled sadly. I just nodded

He took my palm and wrote something on it. When he finished writing it I looked at it and it was "I love you" and a small heart near it.

"Do u know how important palm is for me.." I chuckled "if u kiss it, it means - I love you " I shook my head while sighed.

"I know." He nodded while smiling a little. Tears still noticeable. I smiled at him and bid goodbye.

He was the only BTS member I opened up to about leaving world l... I didn't really see any value to continue living. Every day was same. There was no feelings felt in me, I was confused and lost, too tired to find the way out from the pain.

"Joon, oh sorry can I call you that?" He smiled showing me that dimple of his and nodded brightly.

"I don't wanna ruin your mood but I came here with some motivational but sad words." He encouraged me to continue "your music... it just helps us... I mean fandom so much. We feel down or depressed and after listening to those songs everything seems to have spark of hope. Even your videos. When I wanted to cry I watched them and laughed."I shrugged. "Keep working hard because there are still some teenagers seeking for soothing words. Maybe those don't affect me anymore and I am at the edge already but work even harder. But while teaching others self love don't forget how to love yourself. Just take care okay?" Fuck today I surely am in mood of crying. I gave him my best smile and moved to JK.

"Kookie.." I chuckled for myself. His eyes which where always sparkling looked at me.

"Hmm noona?" He looked at me with cutest smile alive on the world.

"Aish I'm just older with some months. Also. Your song... euphoria... is so beautiful. I will make sure to listen to it until my last breath" I laughed.

He gave me weird but cute looking confused face and laughed about it, not really knowing what I mean.

"Noona... it sounds like you are dying today" he laughed and looked at me , reading no emotion at all, realizing his words might actually be true. "Don't leave us, noona.... no..." his eyes sparkled as light fell in them and I saw galaxies. Million starts dancing in his eyes and exposing nothing but pure heart.

"Kookie... living here is harder than just some scratches on the hand. I dont feel pain anymore. I'm numb. I wanna end it all" I smiled sadly.

He took my hands in "hope you won't do that " he looked at me with those sparkly eyes slowly dying and getting darker as sadness overtook them

"Kook you are going to forget me anyways. Why are you concerned. I just had to see you guys today" I let out the awkward laugh.

"Noona loves you okay? You and your hyungs. Thank you for everything" I bowed and stood up. "Goodbye kook" I smiled and left

I went home. Just looking around everything.
Taking everything in. Remember the place I've lived quite some time

I went to the bathroom and filled bathtub with cold water.

I sat in there with my own clothes.

My cold body freezes more in this icy water.

I took a knife and looked at it.

I brought it to my wrist and cut it.

Everything turned red, my tears started rolling but I couldn't feel anything, I was numb.

And when I was closing my eyes I heard door break open and someone shouting.

But I couldn't do anything. Even if I Tried to I was numb and I couldn't simply force my body to do anything. Everything went pitch black. Everything was dark, like my soul, like my life, like my room.