ᴜɴsᴛᴏᴘᴘᴀʙʟᴇ [•JENO•]

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"You fine" I felt Jeno shaking my shoulders

"Yeah I'm good," I said, turning to him "you have more questions" he seemed to think for a while, but he shook his head. I nodded, sitting up and crossing my legs ready to ask him.

"How can you always look so cold"
I asked him, that was the question I wanted to ask badly, how can he stay cold. When people are being loud, annoying, funny or scary he is just cold

"I was young when all of this started, my parents died when I was 6, so they started their 'lessons' when I was still a child."

"What lessons"

"They wanted to make a killing machine out of me, someone who pulls the trigger out of nature, someone who is crazy and is ready to kill, they said I was the perfect kid for that. Smart, good memory and making a killing machine would be something new, something no one ever did, they said I would be UNSTOPPABLE"

I gulped, he was a trained killer...

"You need to imagine him as a machine with a human body"

"They beat me up, made me kill animals, it started off with cats, I killed a kitten. It was my favorite animal, even if I'm allergic to them, it started with a cat, then a dog, then a child. He was my age, they wanted me to stab him. If I refused they would play with my biggest fears, drowning. I hated the water back then, they used that to torture me. After I got over my fear of water, they would punch me, starve me and close me in a room. My eyesight got worse because of it, I was closed in a dark room for months, starving and then they made me sit in a room. Where they played the videos they made while I killed all those innocent animals, and that kid I didn't want to kill. He got killed by them, right after"

My mouth was wide open, my hands trembled.

"But...how did you stay normal"

"Well...I'm far from normal. But I didn't become that what they wanted me to be, I'm still a human and I remember every face I killed, what means that I'm not a killer from nature, I fought against it. I closed up, I didn't allow myself to feel, that was the only way of me escaping from there. I wasn't allowed to show it, I was feeling It on the inside but on the outside, I looked like a robot. The method worked, I'm not a killer or a psychopath, but they affected me. They affected my personality, life, and future. I'm a human, a human who doesn't know how to show feelings. A human afraid of his own mind"

"He cut because he couldn't feel it, he didn't felt alive"

"Over the years, I learned that my own mind, my own feelings are my biggest enemy," I thought about his words, and however I put it he was right.....he was more than just right

"Why did you cut," I asked him, I looked at his face but he didn't show any sadness or regret

"I didn't know how to feel things, I didn't know why I couldn't feel happiness, sadness, or excitement. I didn't felt alive, I only felt the physical pain, not the mental. People need to feel, to continue living. We all need to feel, but I didn't. So I cut, I cut to feel alive and like I'm a human"
I know that Jae already told me that, but to hear it from him, to see him say that made me mad, mad at those sick people. And I felt like I want revenge.....even if Jeno is the only a......friend.

A friend, I laughed at myself mentally because I knew he was more than just a friend to me.

"I never thought of suicide, or having depression hell I don't even know how to feel depressed. But after Taeyong found me, I tried. I tried to change, to smile, to show him how grateful I am"

"He knows it, he really does. He loves you a lot. You won't believe it"
I said, taking his hand in mine. Playing with his fingers

"I'm happy that he knows"

"Yeah"

"Mina, there is something I wanted to say"
I hummed, he took that as a signal to continue

"Do you remember when I kissed you" I felt my cheeks turn red, but I nodded my head. Wanting to know what he has to say

"That was the first time I felt something, I don't know what or why, but I felt alive"
I just looked into his eyes, thinking

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have kissed you back then i-" he started to ramble

But I interrupted him, by leaning forward and pressing my lips against his, making him shut up.

I felt that he took a sharp breath, making me smile into the kiss. He was holding my hand while kissing me back, and his other pushed me backward.

So he was hovering over me, I let go of his hand. Hugging him closer to my body, craving for his touch, his hands roamed around my body, stopping at my hips. Where my skin was a bit exposed, because the shirt was pulled up, he placed his hand on the exposed skin, sending a shiver down my spine.

He pulled away from the kiss, breathing heavily

"And, did you felt it again" I teased him, he let out an annoyed breath, burying his face in my neck. I laughed, not believing that the ice-cube is showing feelings

"Shut up," he said, his breath was tickling my neck. Making me chuckle

"Make me"
I said, running my finger across his sharp jawline

"You asked for it"
He said in a deep voice, before kissing my neck. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling, enjoying to have his body so close to mine

And his warm hands were on my waist, under my shirt, his thumb running circles on my skin.

While his lips left marks on my skin
(Mark me in your heart)

A/N

Okayyyyyy😂😂