Oneshot Album

DEPRESSION

"Kaya mo yan!" I cheer up my bestfriend. She's having a family problem and I know she needs me..

"Thank you, Gail! You always there to comfort and gave advice.." She said then hug me.

I love my bestfriends. Kahit hindi ko iyon nasasabi alam kong alam nila iyon dahil pinaparamdam ko naman na mahalaga sila.

"Mahal ko eh..." Umiiyak si Janella sa harap naming tatlo.

Kitang-kita ko na sobra talaga syang nasasaktan and I know she needs advice.

"Kahit mahal mo pag ayaw na nya wala ka ng magagawa. Di ka sundalo. Love sacrifice kung saan s'ya masaya then support her." Bixesual si janella. May nagugustuhang lalaki pero madalas babae. "May pagmamahal na ipinaglalaban at may pagmamahal na sinusukuan. Masakit pero that's part of loving."

We always happy.

Little did they know.

I am not.

After class? Im going home.

"Uuwi, kakain at magce-cellphone." My mother muttered.

Di ko na yun pinagtuunan ng pansin. Masuwerte parin ako na kumpleto ang pamilya ko.

When the night came and all the people are sleeping.

Here I am.

Crying and thinking that what's the fucking wrong with me? Minsan nakakatulugan ko nalang ang pag-luha't pag-iisip.

Gigising papasok sa school. Lahat na pwede kong makalimutan wag lang ang maskarang di nakikita ng iba.

I'm wearing smiling mask and no one can remove it. They all know I was strong, happy and independent. But all of it that I show was just a mask.

I'm happy I'm with them but nothing was permanent.

Going home again.

Minsan I tried commiting suicide but it always ended nothing. Yung tipong gusto mo ng mawala sa mundo kasi pagod na pagod ka na? Pero di mo magawa kasi you're thinking about your family and friends. Tanging pag-iyak nalang ang magagawa mo.
One day, I was finished cooking rice and do household things. When my mother back home.

Binasag nya yung mga plato and kick me. I don't know what the reason but it hurts. Then lahat ng projects and assignment ko, Binasa nya ng tubig. Pinapulot nya ang mga bubog sakin. What I did? I'm just cried.

"BATUGAN!" sigaw nya. "MALANDI! BOBO!" I'm just crying and silently praying. "WALANG KWENTANG ANAK!"

"MA! SA TINGIN MO BA GUSTO KONG MABUHAY?! PAGOD NA PAGOD NA AKO!!" I shouted but I only get a slap. I was mentally and emotionally tired. Andami ko ng sugat. May pasa, may maga sa kamay at may hiwa na sa noo ko. Pero ni isa hindi ko yun ininda. I attemp na magsumbong sa nakakataas pero di ko magawa. Mahal na mahal ko yung mga magulang ko. Mahal ko si mama. Gusto kong may yumakap sakin.

Pero..

Im just left alone. I left empty. Andami kong napayuhan pero why I couldn't apply it on my own problem? I'm tired of being happy kasi babawiin din naman. I'm tired being compared. Gusto kong sabihin na 'Sorry kung ito lang ako ah?'.

Pero luha lang ang lumalabas. I'm so tired of my life. But, I tried to be strong.

Kahit...

Kahit gusto ko ng sumuko...

AUTHOR'S NOTE
I may be not the good advicer but remember that I always here. Don't give up because that pain will be your strength someday. Remember we have god and you have me.