Organised chaos..

Chapter 17 - Emotions

Riya went home and lay in bed. She felt drained but happy knowing that things were finally sorted with the paternity test. She rubbed her stomach and spoke to her baby.
"Your papa didn't think you were his! I can't blame him. But it still hurt in a way not to be believed. I guess mama has to work harder to prove that she is trustworthy." She sighed and closed her eyes. The morning sickness was intense and she could barely keep a single morsel of food in. To make matters worse her father was barely home and he didn't speak to her on the odd occasions they did meet. He wasn't happy with her decision to keep the baby out of wedlock and she understood the shame this would bring on his good name. But on the other hand she couldn't just terminate her pregnancy like that - this wasn't the baby's fault.

Rahul finally knew that he was going to be a father. He had to break the news to his parents. He wondered if he should invite Riya to come a lone. He also wondered if Riya's father wanted to meet him too. He needed to spend more time with Riya and find out what was on her mind. They had been a bit distant the past weeks. He had to remedy that now and take responsibility even though he was partially freaking out about all of this. He knew he had to get a grip now and accept reality. A part of him was excited to meet his baby.

"Riya, I want to tell my parents and was wondering if you wanted to accompany me?" He called her later that day.

"Sure if that's what you want" she said feeling anxious. She was sort of embarrassed to meet his parents. They will probably judge her but it didn't matter. Everyone judged her and no one got to know her properly.

"We also need to chat about what will happen going forward." Rahul insisted.

"Sure thing." She said not in the mood to talk. She was exhausted. This first trimester was taking its toll on her and having no one around to look after her was hard, she admitted to herself. She was independent but at this moment she just wanted to collapse into a pile of tears and get comforted by someone who cared.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning?" He offered. It was a Saturday and maybe her father would be around too. He could introduce himself. He wanted to do everything properly now that this was official.

"Uhm okay I'll be ready." She said and hung up. She didn't want to do anything. She had taken sick time off work for the past couple of days because she just couldn't handle the nausea. She now had to mentally prepare to meet his parents. What would he even tell them? Who was she of his? Just his baby mama. She shook her head smiling - God what was this situation she had gotten herself into?

The next morning Rahul arrived at 9am sharp. Riya's father had gone into work early that day. He was never home so she didn't worry about Rahul meeting him. At some point they would have to, but not yet.

"Where's your dad?" He asked as she walked out and approached his car. He had felt that she lived a luxurious life and he was right. Her home was basically a mansion. Only the privileged could live as frivolously as she was, he thought to himself.

"He's at work" she said as she got into the front seat.

"I thought I could meet him today."

"Good luck with that! He's never home." She said bitterly. He sensed her tone and didn't ask anymore. He wondered where her mother was but didn't want to bring it up now. She seemed tense.

"Don't worry Riya my parents are really nice and they will love to meet you." He tried to reassure her.

"Have you told them anything yet?"

"I just told them I had some news and that I would be bringing a long someone special."

Someone special? She wondered what he meant - baby mama ran through her head again. He started driving and she closed her eyes feeling a little sick.

"Are you okay?" He asked noticing her discomfort.

"Morning sickness has been really bad." She confessed. "I'm hungry but nothing I eat is staying down and I feel exhausted all the time. I feel extra emotional, like I could cry at any moment and I'm honestly overwhelmed" she blurted everything out and felt like crying suddenly.

"Hey hey..." Rahul pulled over quickly and leaned toward her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but I'll be here to take care of you now." He said feeling bad seeing her this way. However this had happened she was carrying his baby now.

"Now that you know the baby is yours right?" She snapped but immediately regretted it. That wasn't fair on him. But she didn't feel rational. She felt erratic and hormonal.

"Riya, please understand....I couldn't be sure..." he said unsure of how to explain himself without sounding rude.

"You think I'm some slut. That I would dishonestly come and tell you that this is your kid when it wasn't." She knew what she was saying wasn't fair to him. He didn't know her. But she knew what he had thought.

"No! Please Riya that's not it!" He said feeling panicked.

"Don't lie Rahul. Why else would you think this was someone else's baby? You think I just sleep around with someone new everyday." She said tearing running down her cheeks. Of course that's what he thought - and he wasn't wrong. She had used a lot of men, before they could use her. She wasn't proud of her past but she also was not ashamed of herself. She had no idea why she felt so emotional.

"I'm sorry Riya. I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings. We had just met. And you threw yourself at me. What else was I supposed to think?" He confessed.

"Excuse me! I know what you wanted!!! If I hadn't used you first, you would have used me and thrown me away like all men do." She said feeling angry.

"What are you saying?" He was shocked. Was this what she honestly thought of men?

"You know it's true. All men are the same. They only want one thing!" She spat out and looked away. Her sadness had now turned into pure rage. This emotional roller coaster was scary.

"That's not true Riya..." he said barely audible. He wouldn't ever have used her.

"But look how easily you gave in to my advances. You wanted one thing." She argued. Her father was a top barrister in their area and everyone had told her she should become a barrister too. She had the verbal sparring talent for it. But it was never her dream.

"I gave in, yes...but that's not what I wanted when we met. I had made dinner, I just wanted to get to know you." He said feeling tired. He wasn't used to arguing - nor was he any good at it.

"Right." She said and closed her eyes. He started the car again and drove in silence the rest of the way. She felt nauseous again.

"Rahul pull over please." She said but before he could she erupted all over herself, his dashboard and chair. She couldn't stop and felt so bad for doing this in front of him. Rahul grabbed something tissues from the back seat and handed them to her. He felt helpless watching her, he couldn't do anything. She finally stopped and started crying - too many emotions and too much vomit everywhere.

"Are you okay?" He had no idea what to do. She didn't reply but kept crying.

"I'm sorry" she said barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry too. I'll be around for you I promise." He said.

"But the vomit." She said and started crying again. She was like a small child and he felt a intense feeling of protectiveness toward her.

"Don't worry about it. Mum and dads place is close, 5 mins. Once you get out I'll clean it up."

"No! That's gross I'll do it." She felt ashamed letting him clean it. She felt bad just having him sit next to her in this mess.

"Look, it's the least I can do. Plus you will have to go inside, have a wash and change." He said looking at her clothes and smiling. She smiled back feeling so silly.

"Thank you." She said thankful that he was there to help her.