Straight-ish (Hwang Hyunjin Fanfic)

23

"There it is, don't hide it, baby. I want to hear it," Seungmin murmured into Hyunjin's neck then continued. Seungmin drew back to look into Hyunjin's eyes and said, "If I do anything you don't like or don't want, tell me. Just talk to me, okay?" Hyunjin nodded quickly, his eyes already dilating from the flood of hormones. He hadn't been touched like this, ever. He'd been intimate, but it wasn't like this. He had to force himself to do anything. He was having to force himself to not maul Seungmin.

---

Seungmin smiled and kissed him deeply, driving his tongue between Hyunjin's lips, exploring every aspect of his mouth. It was warm and wet and tasted like Heaven. Seungmin released Hyunjin's hands and trailed his own down the other man's arms, teasing with his fingertips as he traced down the sides of his body, slipping his hands under the edge of Hyunjin's shirt. He paused and looked up to Hyunjin. Hyunjin looked back to him and nodded, then closed his eyes to focus on the touch. Seungmin raised the fabric, exposing Hyunjin's abs. He pressed his lips to the flesh of Hyunjin's stomach, trailing kisses up to his chest. He scooped his arms around Hyunjin, pulling him up from the bed to help remove the shirt. Hyunjin helped him by gripping the fabric as Seungmin lifted it and pulling it over his arms. He felt exposed, but also safer than he had ever felt before. Seungmin returned to Hyunjin's mouth for another heated kiss while his hands slipped down to his lover's hips. He broke the kiss and whispered, "I'm going to take them off, okay?"

Hyunjin shivered and nodded while whispering, "Okay." He felt Seungmin's fingertips in the waistband of his shorts. Seungmin began to work the fabric down and Hyunjin lifted his hips to allow him to remove them. Seungmin was going slowly, tormenting, but also being cautious with Hyunjin. After dropping his shorts to the floor, Seungmin drew his fingers up the outside of Hyunjin's legs, pressing his hands flat against his thighs and gripping Hyunjin's hips firmly. He slid his body between Hyunjin's parted legs, now feeling the pulsing excitement still hidden by a pair of boxer briefs.

"Are you ready?" Seungmin asked him, "Can I take them off?"

Hyunjin was breathing erratically already and bit his lip. Seungmin knew the look and that it meant he was getting anxious. Seungmin laid beside him and whispered, "Hey, it's okay. We don't have to go any further." Seungmin watched him carefully, slightly worried he would hyperventilate if he kept it up. Stroking his fingers through Hyunjin's hair, he softly spoke, "Breathe, angel. Slow. Slow down for me." His lover looked to him with glossy eyes, the confusion as evident as the need.

"I'm scared," Hyunjin said in the tiniest voice that Seungmin had ever heard come from his perfect lips.

Seungmin kissed his forehead and whispered, "Then we stop. It might feel good, but it's not something I want you to be afraid of. We don't need to rush anything." Seungmin smiled and kissed his lips softly.

Hyunjin squeaked out the question that rose from the back of his mind. "What if you stop loving me?"

Seungmin laughed in spite of the serious expression and immediately cupped Hyunjin's cheek, apologizing, "I'm sorry, baby. It's just... I've loved you for a long time without being able to touch you. That's not going to change now." Hyunjin smiled and sighed as relief washed over him.

Seungmin reached over to pull him close and began his normal ritual of smoothing his hand over Hyunjin's back and playing with his hair. He felt Hyunjin's breathing become less chaotic and felt his heart slowing. This routine was relaxing for both of them, and they soon fell asleep, curled into one another.

---

Hyunjin sat up, crying and panicky. He curled his knees to his chest and hid his face. Seungmin was startled by the sudden movement and sat up with him, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin and squeezing tightly. The firmer pressure always seemed to help. He moved so that Hyunjin was between his legs and pulled him close. Hyunjin could feel the pressure of Seungmin's chest against his back and his arms wrapped around the rest of him. He began to calm but his tears wouldn't stop. "Fuck, I hate this," he mumbled.

"I know you do, Jinnie. I know," Seungmin whispered. "Do you want to tell me?"

Hyunjin shook his head. He didn't want to tell Seungmin that he had dreamed of Seungmin fucking Leo right in front of him, while laughing in his face. He didn't want to tell him how badly it scared him that if he couldn't do that for him, he'd lose Seungmin. He didn't want to tell him the things that nightmare Seungmin had said to him. Instead, he laid his head against his curled-up knees and just rocked.

Seungmin turned him so that he was across Seungmin's lap. He lifted Hyunjin up enough to cross his legs beneath him and held him tightly. He decided it was time to talk about finding some help for his best friend because he couldn't stand seeing him in such pain and fear. They'd talked about it before, but Hyunjin always blew it off. The nightmares were almost nightly at this point, and the panic attacks were up to two or three a week. He couldn't sleep a whole night, and his emotional and mental health on the whole were just fragile. Seungmin knew he'd have to play the boyfriend card, but he decided he'd do whatever he needed to, including bringing the other guys in, if necessary. As he caressed Hyunjin's back and ruffled his fingers through his hair, Seungmin decided that he wanted to clear away any doubts Hyunjin might have. "Jinnie? Can you look at me for a second?" Hyunjin raised his head, eyes still brimming with tears and his face streaked with those that already fell. The sight caused a pang in Seungmin's heart and he gently wiped the fallen tears away. "Hyunjin, you are my best friend in the world, and I want to be able to tell everyone that I belong to you. Will you be my boyfriend?"

Hyunjin's face lit up and though his tears were still flowing, Seungmin believed, rightly so, that they had become happy tears. "Yes, Seungminnie," he whispered.

Seungmin kissed him gently and asked, "Are you okay? Ready to lie down?"

Hyunjin nodded, slipping off of Seungmin's lap and laying down on the bed, facing away from Seungmin. Seungmin slipped one arm beneath Hyunjin's pillow and the other he wrapped around his small frame protectively. He puled Hyunjin back against him, wanting to keep him safe.