Straight-ish (Hwang Hyunjin Fanfic)

31

Seungmin awoke early and reached over to turn off his alarm before it went off. The night hadn't been terrible. Hyunjin had a nightmare, but it never woke him fully. Seungmin had been able to calm him just by holding him tightly and whispering to him that he was safe. He wasn't going to waste any time now that Hyunjin had agreed to look for some help with all of this. Seungmin wanted to try individual therapy for Hyunjin, but he also wanted to be able to sit in with him, to possibly learn more about why it happens and how he could help when it does. He knew Hyunjin wasn't crazy about the idea of medication, so if they could avoid it, he wanted to help do that. Seungmin slipped out of Hyunjin's embrace, having to untangle their legs carefully. He giggled softly as he looked back at the sleeping beauty. He spent a moment just looking at Hyunjin, laying on his stomach, face against the pillow, his hair a complete mess, and he was still beautiful. Seungmin simply smiled and wandered into the kitchen to start some coffee, then he sat down with his laptop to start the search.

---

Hyunjin opened his eyes and quickly snapped them back shut. The sunlight bit into his brain like a dagger. It took a moment of adjusting to the brightness with closed eyes before he could handle opening them. The light sensitivity was intense and something he had never experienced before. They had warned him that it could happen, but he didn't really know what it meant. "More sensitive to light" just wasn't a preparatory statement to prepare him for the stabbing pain of looking out an eastern window at 8 in the morning. He rose from the bed, shielding his eyes. He found he even had to rise up slowly because the room began to spin. He decided immediately that concussions were evil and that he would avoid them at all costs. His thoughts were chaotic, bouncing from one idea to the next until he settled on Seungmin. Hyunjin grabbed a blanket from the end of the bed and wrapped it around himself, covering his head and shielding his eyes. He shuffled into the living room and sat down beside Seungmin, invading his space without warning. Hyunjin leaned over against him, reached out and took one arm and draped it over his own shoulders. Seungmin chucked, "Well then, good morning."

"Mrnin," Hyunjin mumbled. "Why's it so bright outside?" he grumbled, snuggling into his boyfriend. Seungmin sarcastically launched into an explanation of nuclear fusion only to be shushed by Hyunjin. "Small words," he grumbled.

"Because it's morning?" Seungmin tried again. Hyunjin nodded slightly.

"That's better," the older muttered. "When can I take my pain meds, Minnie?" he asked.

Seungmin leaned over to kiss his forehead and whispered, "Right now. Hold tight and I'll get it. Want some tea or hot chocolate?"

"Mhm. Tea, please," Hyunjin smiled, settling back on the sofa as Seungmin stood to go to the kitchen. He glanced over at Seungmin's notepad and saw some names and phone numbers. "What's this, baby?" he asked.

Seungmin rested over the back of the sofa and wrapped his arms around Hyunjin. "I went through to find some names for us to contact. I know you're not in any state to make any decisions about this yet, but I'll have to go back to work tomorrow, so I wanted to do some research today," he explained. "Jinnie, would you mind if I sit in with you on a few sessions, so I can learn a little more about what's going on when you have an attack, and how to help you better?" he asked.

Hyunjin sighed in relief as he looked up to him, "I was hoping you'd sit in on a lot of them. You know what happens better than I do a lot of times. Once I get lost, I don't remember anything," he said softly.

"That's twice you've said that. I don't remember hearing you use that before... getting lost... is that what it feels like?" Seungmin asked, his brows furrowed in concern.

Hyunjin nodded slowly. "Do you remember what it felt like if you were somewhere with your parents and you got separated? That sudden fear that something or someone was going to get you, and nobody could help you, and nobody was going to come looking for you?" Seungmin nodded. Having been lost a couple times as a child, he was very familiar with that feeling. "That's what it's like. I'm good until I start breathing too fast or too deep, then things get weird. I like... don't remember where I am. The shadows kind of move and everything gets distorted. It gets so dark that I can't find my way out."

"And that's why it's so scary..." Seungmin whispered. Hyunjin nodded. Just then, the kettle started to whistle. Seungmin squeezed Hyunjin tightly then jogged back to the kitchen to make his tea. He soon came back with a cup of tea, a small glass of water and the pain relievers.

"You know what's really weird, though?" Hyunjin asked after taking his pills.

"What's that?" Seungmin replied, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin and pulling him close.

"I've had a few people try to help me with them, but nobody could ever calm me down, except you. It was a given, that if I had one, I was going to pass out from hyperventilating. My roommate used to go nuts because he couldn't help me, which meant he didn't sleep either." Hyunjin laughed softly, "I'm pretty sure he hated me by the end of first semester!"

Seungmin smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "I've been around a while, you know. I can remember a time when this wasn't your normal," he whispered.

"I wish I could," Hyunjin whispered back.

"We'll find it," Seungmin promised. "Are you ready for breakfast?" Hyunjin nodded and smiled.