Time And I

Thirteen

I didn't know if I wanted to tell Buddy or not. I knew I wanted to still be his friend. I knew I didn't want things to change, but something had to. I couldn't keep things up the way they were. We couldn't cuddle anymore, but we could still hug. We couldn't keep kissing each other on the cheek like it was no big deal (even though it was, in fact, no big deal). And part of me wondered if we could keep telling each other 'I love you.' No matter what, it was platonic. At least to me. If he was going to say it the way he did Friday night, I couldn't let him say it again until we were back to being platonic buddies.

I wanted to get it out of the way. Tell him I didn't have any romantic feelings for him because he'd always been my best friend, and that was all he was ever going to be to me. I couldn't that Monday. We were supposed to go out to the batting cage with Devon and his cousins, and since Buddy was supposed to come with us, I didn't want to say anything that would ruin everyone's time. No matter what, Buddy was going to come with, rejected or not, and if he was upset, it would bring everyone down. I couldn't let that happen. Not while I was still trying to get to know Devon.

All day, I was excited to see him. I missed him over the weekend. I thought about texting him, but I decided against it. What was I supposed to tell him, anyway? "Hey, thinking of you. Whatcha up to?" Yeah, right.

Today, I planned to have my friends bond. He'd meet Darcy in his own time, but Devon and Buddy were going to get along today. Even if I had to force it. I needed Devon to meet someone who he could feel comfortable with when he went back to school. I wouldn't be with him every moment of the day, but Darcy and Buddy apparently filled the voids for all his other classes. I needed everyone to get along.

"Is your stomach feeling any better?" Buddy asked. I was in my head a lot during the day, hardly talking to him. At lunch, I went straight to the band room and practiced my drumming since the school's band was out on the field to practice for Homecoming next month. And Darcy covered for me by telling him she heard my stomach issues and said it was caused by my period, which was coming, so it worked out.

"Much," I told him. I could fake it. Fake knowing that I knew he liked me. I could continue to be as friendly as ever and keep the façade up. I had to. At least for today.

"Good," he exhaled, relieved. "I thought we were going to have to cancel today."

"You're looking forward to it?"

He smiled. "Of course. You know how all those girls came up to me and asked if Devon said anything weird to me when you two left? I don't want them to have those sorts of ideas either." He shuddered. "Despite that scary look in his eyes."

"That's because he was nervous to meet you. He has social anxiety, and it comes out in an intense glare. It wasn't personal."

"That's a relief," he chuckled. "I thought he hated me."

"He thought the same thing about you. At least you'll be able to clear that up tonight."

He sighed. "Yeah."

I clapped his back as we stepped up to his new car in the parking lot. I would have driven with him in the morning, but I told him I had my own ride for the day. Really, I just walked. I wasn't ready in the morning, but talking with him like we normally did made things feel a lot simpler. Maybe I didn't need to bring it up.

"You've met his cousins. Are they nice?"

I chortled. "Is that what you're worried about? All of them are super nice. You'll love them."

"I hope so."

I smiled. "You got me by your side. You don't have to worry about anything."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and nodded. "Damn right I don't." This felt normal. There were no extra feelings there, and I couldn't feel them radiate off him. We were more physical people. Touching was just something we did. It never actually meant anything. But if the truth came out, would things still feel as normal as they did?