Time And I

Forty-Six

It was officially winter break. Finals went by smoothly, and that was mostly thanks to Devon. He had Darcy, Buddy, and I come over for a study group, and he helped us with the parts we found the most difficult. I was sure I passed.

Christmas passed, and Jeanie was coming back tonight from another LA gaming conference with her new team. I was proud of her and kept her live steam playing in the house as I got ready for last night's concert. After tonight, we had one more concert for New Year, and then we'd be on our mini vacation.

As much as I hated the idea of taking time off from performing, I was looking forward to it. I'd have more time to spend with Devon, and I even made plans to hang out with Buddy like the old days. This time, I was prepared to kick his ass in Mario Maker 2.

Most importantly, I'd been exhausted. I never realized how much I was relying on those energy drinks. Throughout the show, I could feel myself slipping, like I was about to fall asleep. I did my best to keep my eyes open and focus, but I was on autopilot. I knew I was playing everything correctly, because no one had stopped to boo, and no one from the band had come over to check on me and scold me for messing up. But I'd snap myself back into reality and needing to refocus. It wasn't good. I was going to need to find some ice to slide down my back during our break.

Nate was in the middle of his solo, and James and Lucy stepped off stage. He motioned for me to follow him, and I quickly followed behind.

"Is everything okay?"

They both looked at each other. "You tell us," he said. "I can hear you're not in it."

"Are you feeling alright?" Lucy questioned. She leaned down to feel my forehead and frowned. "You're really warm."

"Oh, I'll be fine," I promised.

James shook his head. "I'm getting the manager. We're cutting the show short tonight."

"What? James, don't do that."

"You. Are. Sick!" he snapped. "Stop lying to me, and admit it. You are not feeling good. You need to take a break. You need to rest and take some time off. I am going to explain that you are not feeling good, and then I am taking you home."

"You can't do that," I protested. "Think of the band-"

"I am."

"We don't care, Mel," Lucy sighed. "We just want you to be okay, and you're not."

"Who gives a shit about me?" I snapped. They were both taken aback. "We are in a band. We had fans come all the way out here to see us tonight, and we're going to cut the show short just because I'm a little tired? I've been playing fine all night, right?"

"You're not fully here."

"We have, what, half an hour left? I'll be fine until then. Just get me some ice to shove down my back," I demanded.

Nate's solo ended, and he walked off stage. He quirked an eyebrow when he noticed all of us huddled together. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," I stated. Turning back to James, I said, "I'm going to the bathroom. Don't even think about cancelling the rest of the show."

Storming away from him, I pushed my way into the bathroom. Sitting in one of the stalls, what I did sunk in. I'd never snapped at any of my bandmates before, and I didn't think I would feel the need to. But the idea of cancelling the second half of the show just because I was tired didn't seem like big enough of a reason to cancel. There was an hour left. I could make it through the rest of the night.

I knew I would need to apologize once I made it back, but there was no way I was going to be the reason the show got cancelled. I cared about my health, but I refused to let the show end just because of a little tiredness. I was still the new guy. I was still trying to prove myself to this band that I was worth being in the band and staying in the band. I didn't need them trying to find a replacement behind my back. If I was going to leave, it would not be because I couldn't handle a lot on my plate.