Time And I

Forty-Two

There was no time to talk to Devon throughout the first half of my day. The time before each class period wasn't long enough for us to really talk about what I was feeling, and I needed to not be pressured by any time commitment. Lunch was forty minutes long, so I planned to take advantage of that. If we needed more time to talk after, I was willing to skip part of, or even all of, next period. I wouldn't want to do that to Devon, but he thankfully had his free period right after lunch. We could talk for an extra forty minutes if needed.

How was I supposed to start the conversation, anyway? Should I figure out what he thought of the night? Should I just jump right into the issue? My bigger concern wasn't how I was going to start it, rather how he was going to react. I didn't want Devon to beat himself up over it or anything, since I didn't blame him for any of it. It was literally just something that happened that we both wanted. It was consensual. It was fun. I'd do it again, but I wasn't ready to do it again. I needed to get to know Devon better, to feel more comfortable with that. I needed to feel better about myself and get myself into a sexual mindset in order to want to do it again. I wasn't there yet, but once I was, I'd love to.

Rather than sitting at the lunch table with our friends, I stood up and waited for Devon to enter. Buddy sat down and quirked an eyebrow. I nodded, and he nodded back before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Hey, Mel, would you like to join us?" Terry teased.

"No, Devon and I won't be staying long."

"Going off campus?" Brandi asked.

"No."

"Are you going to-"

"No," both Buddy and I stated.

"Whatever you planned to say, just don't," he demanded.

Devon walked up to our table and cocked an eyebrow at me. "Waiting for me to get lunch with you?"

Rather than say anything at all, I took his hand and led him out of the lunchroom. The music hallway was near the cafeteria. There were practice rooms for people to practice for choir, band, or orchestra. In the way back was the room that everyone in the music department knew as the 'hookup room.' Hookups in there became such a problem that they had to install a camera outside the room to shine in through the door's window. But it was still easy to hook up in there and be out of the camera's way. You just had to fuck on the floor.

When I turned to face Devon after shutting the door, I could tell he heard about the room. He was nervous and excited, as well as confused and disturbed, but I ignored it all. "We need to talk."

He nodded, still not saying anything.

Sliding down the door to the floor, I crossed my legs and said, "It's about what happened Saturday."

"Are... are you wanting to do it again?" He glanced around him. "In here?"

"No. Sit down, please."

"Is everything alright?" he asked as he did.

I shrugged. "I liked what happened. I did. It was fun, and it felt great."

"I'm glad you feel that way," he said with an awkward chuckle. "So why are we in here, then?"

"Because once it finally dawned on me what we did... I've felt nothing but shame."

Devon's face fell. His eyes glossed over and his mouth straightened into a firm line. Blinking, he glanced away from me. "Oh." Scratching his ear, he said, "Can I ask why?"

"I..." I really should have written this all down. "I guess it's kind of enjoy going to an all you can eat buffet. You get plate after plate until you're stuffed, but you still get dessert anyway, and then you regret it when you're shitting on the toilet an hour later."