Fourever Loving Yasu

In The End

The hazy cloud that covered Shiro’s eyes slowly cleared as he followed the gentle voice that kept calling his name.  He knew that voice. He could feel the voice deeply embed itself inside of his heart and soul. That voice was a source of comfort when times were tough.  That voice belonged to someone who he adored and cared for.  

“Shiro.”  Yasu said once more.  “Come back.”  

Slowly, Shiro turned his head around and looked at Yasu.  The loneliness around him intensified before slowly dissipating completely once Yasu was in his arms. 

Yasu’s firm body pressed up against his chest.  His masculine with a hint of medicinal scent overwhelmed Shiro’s senses.  The loud beating heart could be felt with his hand on Yasu’s chest.  The missing man who haunted his thoughts was alive and living in his arms.  

“Yasu.  Yasu. Yasu.”  Shiro whispered over and over.  As if he wanted to convince himself that the man he held so dear in his life, was the man in his arms. 

“Mmmm.”  Yasu hummed.  He didn’t want to break the moment.  Being in Shiro’s embrace brought him a different sense of comfort compared to Gin.  Shiro’s embrace made him remember the warmth of family.  

“Yasu.”  Shiro whispered as he brought his face closer to Yasu’s ear.  “Yasu.”  

“Hmmm?” 

Shiro softly whispered his wishes.  “Don’t leave me alone again.” 

“You’re not alone.”  Yasu said with confusion.  He didn’t understand Shiro’s intention behind his words.  “I’m right here. Ah--” 

 Yasu cried out suddenly.  His ear was captured in Shiro’s mouth.  Shiro couldn’t hold himself back any longer.  The man he wanted for so long is finally in his arms.  How could he hold back with his senses being overrun by Yasu’s intoxicating presence.  

“I’m never letting you go.”  Shiro said between kissing and sucking Yasu’s earlobe.  “Never again.”  

Yasu’s mind was in chaos.  His body responded to Shiro’s touch, kisses and words.  He felt his body heat up with desire and he could only cling on to Shiro as if he was a drowning man.  

“Shiro… wait… stop.”  Yasu cried out between moans.  “Wait.”  

Yasu forced himself to push Shiro away.  

“Wait.”  Yasu said once again.  He didn’t know if he was speaking to himself or to Shiro.  The feelings he felt inside were causing him to feel confused.  On one hand, he wanted to be loved, touched and cared for by Shiro.  On the other hand, he wanted to be loyal towards Gin.  

His past life he couldn’t decide between two people and because of it, he hurt them all.  He didn’t want to become the same kind of trash like person that he was in his past life.  

“Wait.”  Yasu repeated.  “What about Ren?”  

Without hesitation, Shiro smiled and held Yasu’s hand tightly.  

“Ren’s been waiting for you, just like me, for five years now.  We both want you to be in our lives. As our friend, as our lover, and as our husband.” Shiro said with sincerity. 

Yasu felt conflicted.  Hearing Shiro’s words made him feel so happy.  There was a part of him that wanted the same thing.  Wanted to be a part of their world. Wanting the same thing that they wanted from him.  But there was also Gin, standing beside him. Silently protecting him, loving him, and cherishing him.  

Yasu wanted to apologize to Shiro, he wanted to tell them that in this lifetime, he had promised himself to be with only one person.  He wanted to gently let them down, so they could all try to move on. But his words were forgotten as Shiro kissed him deeply.  

At first Yasu was surprised, but soon the confusing feelings he had within himself became more clear.  He too had longed for Shiro’s kisses. For his embrace. For his love.  

“Don’t make a decision yet.”  Shiro told him. “Don’t decide on your own and break our hearts.  I’m asking you to give us a chance to convince not only you, but your lover Gin as well.  And if in the end, the both of you can’t accept me and Ren. Then I promise you that nothing will happen between us and we will remain as friends.”  

Yasu opened his mouth, wanting to argue with Shiro, but this time it was covered with Shiro’s hand.  

“We’ve waited for you for five years.  Never once had we not thought about you and wished that you were alive and with us, by our side.  I’m asking you, no… I’m begging you to give us a chance to change your mind. Because I know, that deep down inside, you feel the same way about us.”  Shiro whispered desperately between them. His hand tightly holding Yasu’s hand as if Yasu would suddenly disappear in front of him. “Please, just one chance.” 

Hating his wavering heart, Yasu could neither deny or accept Shiro’s plea.  His confused feelings for Shiro, Ren and Gin went against his original thoughts and intentions of staying loyal to one person.  It was making him feel uncertain about his own feelings towards Gin.  

Yasu ran to his room and slammed the door behind him.  The back of his head banged against the door loudly, echoing throughout the dark room.  He had promised himself when his soul transmigrated into a new body that he would not make the same mistake he made in his last life.  He made a decision to be loyal to one person, to love one person, to marry one person.  

And yet, in his second chance at life, he was still the shitty and trashy man whose feelings wavered between people.  Tears slowly leaked down his face, the confusing feelings rushing inside of him were overwhelming his mind and his body.    

His emotions slowly overrode his convictions.  When he came into this world, the only people who he could rely on was his family.  When he met Shiro, he had thought that he would end up with Shiro. With Ren, he was immediately attracted to him, but because of his promise to himself, he didn’t think that anything would happen between them.  As for Gin, he knew without a shadow of doubt that he loves Gin.

But his trashy self also really wanted to be with Shiro.  And if he was being really truthful to himself, he also wanted to be with Ren.  Being with them reminded him of the love his parents had. He too wanted to experience the same kind of love.    

Yasu’s legs gave way as he slid down the door.  His eyes were glued to the floor as he thought about his conflicting emotions and thoughts.  He loves Gin so much that he doesn’t want Gin to compromise his love to conform to his selfish wishes and desires.  He also couldn’t stand looking at Shiro or Ren being hurt because of him.  

In the end, someone would end up being hurt because of him.  In the end, he is still the same scummy man he was in his last life.  In the end was he still that trashy guy that couldn’t be happy and loyal with just one person.