A Rebel Love Story (Jinxx Fan Fic)

Chapter 14

My heart was in the right place, but my mind was not.  I laid in Jinxx's bed with him, not being able to fall back asleep.  Erik had gotten to me really badly, and I kept waking up every hour so from thinking about it too much.

Jinxx was snoring softly, and it was really cute the way he did.  I knew I was lucky to have him, and in my heart I felt like he could be the one.  The other half of me said to ignore whatever my heart felt, because my judgement is usually wrong. 

I got up slowly and quietly, and left the warmth of Jinxx's arms to go down the stairs quietly.  I grabbed my coat and put it on, and put on my pair of TOMS.  I went out the door quietly, and closed the door behind me.  I walked into the cool night and thought about everything that was going on.

Was I crazy for thinking about Erik again?  I felt as if it would be unfair to Jinxx if he knew I was thinking about other men besides him, but I don't know if I would ever be able to let this go.  I have issues with trust, and all I know is that I feel like I'm going to be less open to Jinxx.  It wasn't his fault at all, don't get me wrong, I only have myself to blame for this whole thing.

Erik was terrible to me, so why should I even care?  I never loved him and he never loved me, it was as simple as that.  I thought I loved him though, but looking back on it, it wasn't real love.  It was a charade that he put on that tricked girls into thinking he loved them.  When you finally thought he loved you, he beat you up emotionally leaving you alone.

I finally realized where I was, and noticed that I had walked almost twenty blocks.  I shivered a little from the cold and decided it was best if I made my way back to Jinxx's house.  I stuffed my hands in my pockets and hung my head low as I walked back.  This whole situation was driving me mad.

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I eventually made my way back to Jinxx's house and I entered the house quietly.

"Where did you go?"

I heard Jinxx's voice come from behind me in the living room and I jumped.  I turned around and saw that he was sitting on the couch.

"I just went for a little walk.  I couldn't sleep." It wasn't a total lie.

"Well you should have woke me up, I would've went with you." Jinxx said.

"I didn't want to wake you up, you looked so peaceful."

Jinxx paused for a moment, "Is something bothering you?  You know you can talk to me about it, right?"

I cringed a little thinking of the thought of Erik, "Yeah, I'm fine.  Trust me." Total lie.

Jinxx nodded a little, and I didn't know if he bought it or not.  We were silent for a few moments and I took my coat off and placed it on a chair.

"You want to go to bed then?" I asked.

"Alright." Jinxx replied.  He came over by me and took my hand and led me up the stairs.  We climbed into his bed and laid down.  I cuddled into his chest.

"You do know you can tell me anything." Jinxx murmured softly into my ear.

I nodded and murmured back, "I know."

We both fell silent then, and I heard the faint sound of Jinxx's snoring.  After some time I fell into deep sleep, and drifted away into the darkness.  Sometimes I felt like sleep is the only way I can forget about everything.

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I woke up early the next morning, and sat up slowly.  Jinxx was still sleeping-figures.  I climbed put of his bed and pulled on one of his sweatshirts.  It smelt like him, and I smiled to myself.  I went downstairs to go get something to eat, and hopefully try and go back to bed.