𝐒𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 || 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇

19.2 | MY ALMOST GIRLFRIEND

【 NINETEEN 】
➤ MY ALMOST GIRLFRIEND

❝or do i love
not being lonely? ❞

oOo

YOU REMEMBERED IT AS THOUGH IT WERE YESTERDAY.

Which, regrettably, it wasn't. It had been months since you and [c/n] snuck out to stargaze, but the picture was fresher in your mind than yesterday's breakfast.

The nocturne had been a brilliant moonlit canvas, a deep violet, peppered with uncountable little stars that twinkled like diamonds.

You were on the roof of her house, arms looped together, talking about anything and everything under the rainbow.

"So what happens after this?" you'd asked at one point, watching [c/n]'s features soften in the milky moonlight.

"I don't know," she'd admitted. "What d'you want to happen?"

"I want you," you said blandly, because it was true. You wanted [c/n], nothing less, maybe something more.

"You have me," she said with an impish grin, pulling you closer. "Until every last star in the galaxy dies, you have me."

If you weren't already putty in her hands, you certainly were after that.

It had been like that for a while; silent, where the both of you let go of the labels that kept you apart. For once, you were [y/n] and [c/n], and not [b/n]'s sister and [b/n]'s girlfriend.

"Are you going to break up with my brother?" you asked finally, shattering the quietude like glass.

"I don't know," said [c/n] in a soft voice.

It felt wrong. It was wrong. Even all things set aside, [b/n] was your brother, your own flesh and blood.

"Can't we just stay here?" she'd continued, "forever?"

"Forever doesn't mean till the end of time," I pointed our. "Forever means the absence of an end."

"Let there be no end to our love, then," she smiled. "Let it be as infinite as the universe we are looking down into right now."

"The Universe does have an end, [c/n]," you sighed. "All beautiful things do."

"This is just the beginning, my love," said [c/n].

And then she kissed you, under the light of a thousand stars, your lips fitting together like the last pieces of a puzzle.

She kissed you senseless, kissed you stupid, so much that if she'd have come away and asked you what 2 + 2 was, you'd have moaned her name in response.

"This is only the beginning for us," [c/n] whispered into your lips.

And right then, it had been. For one night, it had been only the beginning.

But then, suddenly, it was the end.

She gave you a love story, but then she fled with your heart.

"We get what we fight for," your mother had once told you, "not what we ask for."

And you were ready to fight for [c/n]. You loved so deep you often drowned, but you were ready to drown for [c/n].

"I know that as long as I'm with [b/n], we can never be anything," she had told you. "But I have always been yours, [y/n]. Not his. Yours."

You believed her, you really did.

But the memories of stolen kisses could only last so long. You needed [c/n], you needed every inch of her.

"We need to talk."

It had been five months. Five damned months since she kissed you on that rooftop, five excruciating months since you talked to each other.

A coffee shop wasn't quite as romantic as a midnight rendezvous, but all things considered, [c/n] was still your brother's girlfriend.

So you met up with her at the same quiet Starbucks where you first fell in love with her, knowing you would not leave without your answer.

Did she love you?

Did she want you?

"Hey," you mumbled as she took a seat before you.

"[y/n]," she smiled, although it was strained. "Long time, yeah?"

"You never answered my texts," you said bitterly. "Nor picked up my calls, nor even look at me when [b/n] called you over."

Guilt filled her face. "[y/n], I know, I'm so—"

"Don't," you sighed. "Don't tell me you're sorry."

She stopped, her fingers intertwining over her coffee cup.

"Did you mean it?" you asked, your voice wavering. "When you told me our love could be infinite, did you mean it?"

Yes, you pleaded silently. Say yes. Please.

"[y/n], I—" [c/n] let out a large breath of air.

"You said I have you, [c/n]," you were growing hysterical, "until—until every last star in the galaxy dies—you said I have you."

"I never said that," [c/n] said quietly.

Clunk! You'd dropped your cup, but you were sure that was the sound of your heart breaking.

"W-what?"

"Look, [y/n], I'm sorry if you misunderstood my intentions," she said, her eyes glassy. "But I'm with [b/n]. I'm your brother's girlfriend."

"You were almost my girlfriend," you breathed out; why was it suddenly so difficult to breathe?

"Well then," she said, smiling unrecognizably. "We finally have a label to put on us. Almost girlfriends."

"[c/n]—what?" you leaped to your feet, and she did too. "What happened? You—we were so—I thought you loved me."

"I can't," whispered [c/n], a single tear running down her face. "I can't love you."

"You said you were mine—"

"I can't be yours," a sob slipped past her lips. "Not when I'm [b/n]'s. I'm sorry, [y/n], it just wasn't meant to be."

"It wasn't meant to be perfect," you cried out. "It was meant to be whole."

"It could only ever be almost whole," said [c/n], now smiling softly. "We only ever almost were."

"But—"

"I'm sorry," she said. "I really am. Know that I loved you, [y/n]. Almost. I almost loved you."

"But I love you," I said painfully. "Infinitely."

"You can't," her eyes hardened.

"I'm just your brother's girlfriend."

oOo

━━𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊
haha pls don't attack me.

anyway, been reading a lot of namjin fanfiction, and i'm thinking about writing a (very fluffy) domestic setting next. yay or nay?