Hello. How are you?. I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to you by the day. My melancholy is rendered unworthy of any ear. I feel like i shall utter the same phrase over and over again but still non of them can explain my desolation. My incompetence and my self esteem hide the true me inside. Will they ever know that when I say I'm beautiful what I actually mean is that i don't feel pretty look at me I'm lonely inside. Will they ever know that when I say I'm above this what i truly mean is that I'm afraid this thing will defeat me. Will they feel the same way when i say I'm an over glorified deity. I'll be saying that to compensate and give the illusion that I need no one when in real life i just need everyone. I am sad, dying inside because of you despair. I am not relevant in the eyes of myself. I am only relevant in others eyes. I feel like it's like a duty for me instead of doing it willingly i do it out of sheer will to try and feel something. They see a greatness in me and they mistake it for goodness but deep down there's only you there. Actually it's not deep down it's hidden behind a wall of plastic smiles. I've mastered the art of plastic behavior lately. I am seemingly becoming a professional person when it comes to not showing emotions. Should I unleash all hell on someone who did something that can be easily forgiven. It's only fair if I'm able to forgive right so that i can be forgiven as well. Equivalent exchange is the ultimate goal isn't it. I'm rooted in a pit of unfair sadness and profound pain that no one else can comprehend. The one's who feel the same way can't even explain to themselves how they feel. If they read this they would know there's so much more left because words alone aren't enough to describe how dangerously alone I feel. Help me feel something. Is all i can ever say. Will anyone ever see us? Are we invisible emotionally wise. Why can't anyone easily tell that I'm broken and I just wanna stop all this feeling. I want rest. Despair can you be my friend. I'm a good friend to most but non of them feel up this space. They say they are there for me but the moment i say something cruel by mistake they show their true colors. Someone is just there for you when they wanna be. They're not like me cause I feel i am obligated to being there for them all. I'm gonna save them all. I don't believe in being saved by someone i believe in saving myself. So why am I falling. Why am I failing in it all. What am I supposed to do. And what must I stop. You don't even see me when i look at you so please leave me alone. Don't cloud my room expecting to see a silver lining. I'm blind when it comes to opening my eyes to accept the truth. It's scary how terrible I am at being emotional when yet. I help and control my emotions better than most.
Don't let me down.
My tears are not worthless
YOU ARE READING
Letters and Emotions.
PoezieEach emotion and action are addressed as though they are living entities. it's a one sided conversation of what certain scenarios/emotions made me feel, act or behave in a certain way.
