Hate

eighteen

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Possible trigger warning
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Exhaustion. It's all I felt. I slowly open my eyes, glancing around lazily. The first thing I see is a sleeping Jack in a nearby chair. His head was rested back at an uncomfortable position, his arms loosely crossed in front of him.

I glance around some more before reality hits me. I failed. I'm still here. Jack is going to hate me for what I did, and I'm stuck here to still endure the pain. Jack shifts before grimacing, slowly waking up as he rubs his neck. He glances at me before doing a double take, scrambling up. He quickly grabs my hand as his other moves the hair from my face.

"Hey baby. How're you feeling?" I blink lazily before my lip began to tremble.

"Hey hey it's okay, you're okay." I close my eyes, still incredibly upset.

"I-I'm sorry." I sob weakly.

"What? No baby you have nothing to be sorry for." He says softly, wiping my eyes.

"Shh, sweetie you're okay. I'm here, Jacky's here." I felt him squeeze my hand gently, his thumb rubbing my cheek. I slowly start to calm down, slowly falling back into a light slumber.

"Zach?" When I don't respond, he sighs.

"Please please get better. I need you bubba." He says softly. I could hear the door open, someone walking in.

"I'm just here to check on Mr. Herron." A nurse says, her soft tone filled with pity.

"He um, he woke up. He started crying but I managed to get him to sleep again. Is he getting better?" Jack asks.

"Yes. Waking up is a huge sign of him doing better. We'll keep him for a few more days before he can go home." She says.

"Thank you."

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Those few days had past, and it was time for me to go home. Jack had gone to get me clothes and to shower, seeing as he spent every day here with me. When he walked through the doors I was sitting on my bed, my gown over my small frame.

"Hey baby, you ready to go?" He asks. I nod shyly, not meeting his gaze. I was still scared of how he really felt. I didn't want him to hate me.

He helps me get dressed, helping me to the doorway. We head out to the desk where Jack signs my release papers. I shyly glance at the nurses, wrapping my arms around myself. I was torn. I was ashamed of what I did but I was also mad it didn't work. I didn't want to be alive. Everyone hates me.

I follow him out of the hospital, making my way into the car. It was silent the whole drive, until Jack pulled into the driveway, looking at me.

"Zach talk to me." I glance at him, leaving the car instead. I quickly head up to my room, ignoring everyone. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get away.

"Zach talk to me. Why are you suddenly closing up?" Jack says as he shuts the bedroom door. I glance at him, frowning.

"I'm fine."

"No- no you don't get to pull that shit with me. You just tried to end your life Zach! You are not fine!" I wipe the tears falling from my eyes before glancing at him.

"Jack just drop it." I turn away from him, going to sit on my bed.

"I won't drop this Zach! Why would I drop this? I love you and I care about you!" I couldn't take it anymore. I turn to him, now upset.

"Why? Why do you love me? I can't even love myself! How can you love a person who's only regret is that he didn't succeed?" I say, my lip wavering. His face falls at my confession, tears building in his eyes.

"Y-you still want to die?" I look away from him, that being enough to answer his question.

"I won't stop loving you. I won't stop fighting to help you see how amazing and beautiful you are. I won't stop until you realize just how much your life is worth. I won't stop fighting. I won't stop Zach." He was trying so hard not to cry, his emotions slurring his words slightly.

"Why?! Why can't you let me go?" I ask. He straightens his posture before looking me dead in the eye.

"If you go so do I."

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I totally cried writing this ngl. Hope y'all like it, I'll try to update again soon 👀