She was an enigma ,
She carried the night above her head like a distorted halo, all those who knew her did not know her at all, for who is she really?
The depth of her mind carried on beyond the knowledge of any living creature. She was one with the void that filled each hallow grave, graves that we buried our sins under trusting that they would rot with the rest of our desires, desire that lead us to believe in one another as if the outcome wouldn't be the same in the end, the result of pain never changes...
The gaze in her eyes stared further than anything could notice. They were full of nothing yet everything at once. She became a stranger to the sun which was once the only love she knew. Love that singed her skin day by day marking her as his own and making her believe that this was an act of devotion, devotion that we only give to those who cannot see us for who we are, are we not in love? Is this not love?! Because now she walks silently through the dark convinced that light will kill her for that is all she knows and that is all she has felt!!
The words on her lips speak louder than tides. Trapped behind teeth that have bitten the blade to silence screams that no one will ever hear, we hear but we do not listen because to listen is to care and everyone is so afraid to feel for a soul that is not their own, souls that do not belong to one another yet still have the audacity to act like they are one. Acting as if they would die for each other when they cannot even find the will to live for themselves.
The weight of her heart held her down so that she became a part of the ground beneath her. A heart that would not allow her to fall up instead of descending, for when she fell the first time her body collided with the stars only to leave traces of crimson stained paths in the sky which then turned into dust. We use these paths to follow and never to lead, leading one another into each others minds that no one asked to see for if they do ask then we blame one another for the terror that we witness. Terror that could never define us yet it is seen to, seen as a weakness but never a strength, strength that we are not willing to lend one another and so we fall once again...
What should she do? What should she feel? What should she believe? For who is she really? Who am I really? I am not another by passer in this chain of events, events that take place in a space that you cannot detect, detecting my sanity is not an option and most certainly not an invitation for you to try and 'fix me'. I don't need your sympathy towards a hell that you will never understand, understand that when you enter make sure you do so with caution, caution: keep your sentiment at bay at all times, times in which I felt more comfortable being alone than asking for your help, help that you spoke about but never gave out and I knew you were lying when you looked into my eyes, eyes that follow me like Im about to break due to the traits I happen to lack, lacking emotion is what works best for me I promise, promise you won't leave and never go away, go away I don't need you here if an empty promise is all you can give me.
See my mind is not on display for everyone to observe, observe the fact that you asked me to let you in, into something so sacred and solemn yet you chose to say "I'm sorry but this is too much for me to handle" as if YOU are the one who has to handle it every waking day, days that I sit and regret ever showing you that part of me...days that I regret ever letting you in. You see...you asked for this even when I told you not to but you kept on saying "I'll be different"...you were no different. Now I sit and think about the things I could have "changed" when I know for a fact that this how my mind is arranged, maybe I should have asked what you would have liked me to do...Would it make you feel better if I kept my mouth sealed? Would it make you feel better if I was someone you could have healed? Would it make you feel better if I put a 'Viewer's discretion is advised' sign stapled to my head? Would it make you feel better if my past wasn't a topic that you would dread? Or better yet maybe you'd prefer it if I was fucking dead!!
She was an enigma,
She carried the night above her head.
with her halo high above her,
As she lay on her deathbed.
