I stare at my reflection in the water a little too long,
Because I think to myself that maybe my reflection in the water is just as distorted as my thoughts.
I stare at my reflection in the water a little too long,
The scars that bury deep within the layers of my skin, skin that's 'too pale' for the society that I live in.
The society that makes me feel as if being myself is considered wrong or sinful, sins that I've never committed
But the assumption I have done so because of the DNA that runs through my veins, veins that cover my body as if they are roots that shame my existence.
I stare at my reflection in the water a little too long,
Because maybe the ripples in my thoughts could make more sense if they weren't corrupted by a disorder, as if it couldn't be any worse?
I stare at my reflection in the water a little too long,
Because I use the water to wash away each damned crimson stained wound, the wounds that sink deeper into my soul every time Im called a whore because of my biracial background, my background that is used as an excuse for people to push me into walls that are "just as white" as I am...because 'I should be proud of who I am' and because 'they're just jealous' or so it seems.
I stare at my reflection in the water a little too long,
maybe it will come in waves to wash away the rumors, waves of panic that settle over me and only crash down in public to suffocate me with regret and confusion in front of unaccepting eyes, eyes that twist and turn my stomach so that butterflies are mistaken for anxiety, anxiety that eats away at my mind like its been starving for salvation, starving for something other than the tears like fall upon my lips and taste like the ocean, oh god how I hate the ocean and the waves that consume me, lips that are scarred because of the habits I develop to cope with how I feel!...I feel...I feel...but I'm not supposed to feel, because not feeling a thing is how to fit in...I feel too much!
I stare at my reflection in the water a little too long,
because maybe if I stare long enough...just maybe it will mold my face into something they find beautiful, something that isn't ...me.
