Falling deeper (Bxb)

Chapter 28

Tristan's

My heart is breaking. When I saw Heath holding Sebastian tightly on his lap while crying hard, I couldn't help but tear up.
I tried to call him, I tried to hold him and hug him but he shrugged me off and entered the Ambulance.

I am in pain knowing that Heath is hurting now more than he was when he found out the truth.
His eyes were dull and full of confusion and pain.
Knowing Heath, he must be questioning himself right now again. I couldn't take it anymore so I rushed to the hospital first and did not wait for Kent.

I run to the nurse infront and asked for Sebastian Claude.
She told me where he was so I rushed in and found Heath there. Sitting on the bench, not moving, staring at the floor with a blank look.
I looked up and blinked rapidly to stop my tears from falling.

I went to him and held him. He didn't push me away this time, he didn't resist and just limply leaned on my body, like he doesn't have the strength to hold on to me anymore.
I'm in pain, watching him like this because of what my father did. I know I should be somewhere else. Like on the morgue and wait for my father's body to arrive or something. I know I should be crying my heart out for losing him but I couldn't. I couldn't find it in my heart to cry for him. He was the reason my mom left us, he was the reason I grew up alone and not feel how to live a normal life. He was the reason I was beaten so hard and wasn't there when Heath found out the truth. He was the reason Sebastian was in there and Heath in so much pain again.

He was my father. A person connected to me by blood, but that was it. He didn't care for me, he didn't love me and he never considered me as his son but a tool to keep his control over the group and keep receiving money.
And now he's dead, and he couldn't take a single cent with him.
I shook my head in disbelief and disappointment. I expected something more from him, but he was just a dump, greedy person with obsession to money.

I pushed all my thoughts about him and focused on Heath. I hugged him tightly against me as I kiss his head.
A few hours passed until the doctor came out of the operating room.
He was keeping a straight face, When we saw him, Heath stood up immediately.

The doctor looked at him seriously and shook his head.
"I'm sorry. The bullet damaged one of the main artery of his heart, the other went straight through his right lung. We tried our best, but..." He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't have to actually. He bowed and looked at us apologetically before leaving.

Heath collapsed on the chair. He covered his face using his hands. He stood and walked around, he keeps walking until he suddenly punched the wall and broke down. I immediately went to him and hugged him close to my chest. He gripped my shirt tightly and cried.
He didn't try to keep his sobbing down, he just went on and cried his heart out. Sebastian might be the person who caused the pain and hatred on Heath's heart, but now we know why. He might be the person Heath hated with passion for so long, but he was his father and the person who saved him as well.

No matter what and how Sebastian was in the past, he has his reasons and he has the right to be understood as well. It's not like he did all what he did just because of useless reasons. He was hurt, he was in pain and was betrayed by the people he loved more than anyone and Heath understands it. He understood so he might have been trying to learn what forgiveness is, seeing that he was here, crying so hard for Sebastian.

Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath. That's just how it is and I am afraid that Heath ends up losing himself halfway through it. I need to be here for him, I know I couldn't do anything for him other than staying here, but I think it's better than not doing anything at all.

•••••••••~~~~~~~~°°°°°°°°°°°

A week later, Sebastian has been buried next to Heath's parents. It was a simple funeral, with all the remaining members of Panther and Licitus. I disbanded my father's organization already. I just don't want to do anything near the group lead by that person, they were loyal to him so I'm afraid I couldn't control their wildness.

The other members of Panther left and the others joined Heath's group. Having no Umbra and Panther around, Heath was able to change Underground society. He completely disbanded illegal tradings and made the members of the Underground society help in operations of the authorities.

Heath returned to his old self after a few weeks. Although there were times where he would just space out and remain unresponsive, or when he would cry a little bit but aside from that, everything is back to normal.
Our relationship is getting stronger and I am happy because of that.
Since I disbanded the group, Heath made me manage one of his companies.
It was a new routine for me, to wake up beside Heath and we'd both get ready for work.

Heath made me stay at his house or mansion to be exact. He said it would be happier,and more convenient, besides he was alone in that enormous house aside from the maids, guards and Clint.
I agreed and sold my father's mansion. I invested the money in the most successful business of Heath and it's doing just great.

Life seemed to be normal. In fact, it's as if nothing heartbreaking and painful happened. We all acted like that time never existed, like it was a nightmare that all of us never wanted to remember. Although the moments we go and visit the memorial park, we always see the evidence that that nightmare was a reality, we never said anything.

We have our own minds to think that it did happen. We didn't want to point it out loudly, especially to Heath who was the most affected from all of this. Heath was the strongest person I've ever known.
The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about. Heath was able to win against the depression and pain that was eating him up on his own. Although the pain will remain forever, at least he doesn't have to endure it everyday. He only had to when the pain was triggered by events or memories and then it will subside again.

Life has been painful but I am thankful I was able to know Heath. I am thankful that I was there when he needed me and that he chose to love me more than anyone else.
Heath is like a living life lesson. He went through things and survived alone, reminding us a lesson we will never forget.
We might not be able to avoid making mistakes and bad decisions in the future, we might judge people in the future but now atleast we know what forgiveness is, and how important it is.

Whatever you do, good or bad, people always have something to say about you, and that's life.
They will always try to find a reason to hate you. What we are only able to do was ignore them and prove them wrong. Sebastian Claude is a person who taught me something great.

That everyone has that moment. The moment of painful situations where all you can do was sit on the corner and cry it out. He taught me that It's easy to judge once you're outside the mess, once your life is bloody perfect and rosy. But what about when you have to eat the shit? All you could do was cower away and endure the overwhelming guilt for judging them without knowing the story behind their actions. You couldn't do anything after all, it might be too painful to admit, but Heath has been there. He suffered the guilt and pain for not knowing the truth behind Sebastian's actions, although it wasn't his fault since his parents hid it from him, he said it was too late.
It was too late to take back all the years he hated Sebastian. It was too late to say that he was thankful that Sebastian brought him to this painful world as well.
That it was too late to say even though it seems out of place..

that he do love him as his father too.