Falling deeper (Bxb)

The letter

Heath,

    Hey Heath, son. I know when you're going to read this letter, you already know about who you really are, about who your real father is. I hope when that time comes, you'll take it calmly and think rationally before thinking about negativities.

Sebastian, he's not a bad person. He was once the most caring, loving and selfless brother that I never had. He was the best buddy any gangster could ever ask for. He always put everyone's safety before his. You know, the scar on his face was because of saving me from a gang fight before. I owe him my life and I always will. He's the best and I never said it outloud but he was the most important brother in my life as well.

The only thing he ever did for himself, for his happiness, was leaving the group to be with his lover, Aireen Ford. She was beautiful and they really suit each other very much. They were so in love and happy so I never complained when he decided to leave. The only thing that was out of control was the big boss was not pleased on his decision. He instructed everyone of us to never have any connection to him. I have my duties on the group but I have my desire and responsibilities to help Sebastian as well. But the boss threatened me. If I help Sebastian, he will kill Aireen in exchange of Sebastian's survival.

I kept my cold face when I declined Sebastian's begging. I turned him down like it was no big deal but I was dying inside. When he cried and showed how betrayed and disappointed he was, my heart shattered to pieces.
Then a few months, he was arrested. Aireen was pregnant for a month now and she begged me to do something so I told her why I couldn't. She understood and asked me for a favor. To act as her lover and that we're going to get married.

She was blaming herself for everything. She said it was all because of her, it was because of her that Sebastian had to suffer alone, that he had to steal and sell illegal drugs for them to live, that he had to selflessly give everything he had just to be with her. She said she was the cause of Sebastian's suffering and she couldn't take the guilt anymore. She want Sebastian to give her up and try to live a better life after his imprisonment. She said if she keeps their relationship, Sebastian will just do the same things after he gets out for her again and she doesn't want that to happen.

I agreed. We told him that and he got mad. He didn't shout, he was too silent and was just staring at us. Crying silently with all the emotions swimming in his tears. The pain of betrayal, the hatred, the anger. I saw them all and he didn't bother hiding it from me either. That was the last time we saw him. Aireen went away after that, a year later, I saw her in a small house, with her beautiful baby boy named Heath.

I tried my best to help the people that Sebastian loved so much. I tried my best to give them a better life that Sebastian tried so hard to give. I married her after two years when Sebastian was about to get out. Don't get the wrong idea son, we do love each other.. But we both knew she wouldn't be able to love me more than she love Sebastian.

We were able to live peacefully and happily with you. I was satisfied and started trying to legalize my organization, Licitus, to stop Sebastian from going too far in the dark. Yeah, it's all for me to be able to stop Sebastian's illegal works before it's too late.

Please don't hate him too much, Heath. He was a victim of this shitful life, I betrayed him. No matter how much we say that I did it for him, I still betrayed him. I took everything he had and left him there on the ground, alone, with all the pain and betrayal that I caused.

I changed him into someone he shouldn't have been if only I tried something to help him before. If only I did my best to show him I cared. The Sebastian now was the result of my mistakes in the past, so I couldn't blame anyone but myself. It was all my fault.

He suffered so much. He was crushed and crumbled alone, with my back against him, and he tried to stand alone as well. He was in the dark while I was living peacefully with the woman he loved more than anyone else. And I know no matter how much I tried, it was a mistake that won't ever be forgiven. If I wasn't here, you should have lived with a family with him. A happy family with the greatest guy I've ever known, Sebastian. I know I might be asking for too much son, but.. If ever you have anger or hatred towards him because of how he was acting now, please let it go.

Please forgive him, it was my fault. He might hate us but if only he knew you were his son? Trust me.. He would have loved you and did everything he had in his power to keep you safe. I hope, there will be a time where he will be able to forgive me. Where we would all hang out and you can call us both your dad. I hope there will be a time you could call him dad. It would mean everything for him, I just know it.

Heath, no matter who you are, you will always be my son okay? And in different circumstances, I know Sebastian loves you more than I could give you. Learn it Son, forgiveness.

                                                                  - your dad.

P.S - I love you son, always