Falling deeper (Bxb)

Chapter 7

Blake's
I was called by Kyle, saying he and his father are going to Canada, for good.
I asked why he decided that all of a sudden and he explained to me all the things happened with Heath.
I was speechless.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, hindi ko inaasahan na ganun ang gagawin ni Heath. I mean, I was expecting him to get mad and do something ridiculous but he didn't. He even told them to get away from here before the organization will find them. Sa tingin ko, hindi pa nawawala ang Heath na kilala ko.

At dahil nga sa sinabi ni Kyle, I decided to go with them. My Family has a business there anyway, so pinayagan ako agad ni dad basta after graduation ay ako ang magmamanage sa company doon.which I accepted.

Kyle needs me right now. Kailangan niya ako para mas madali siyang makapag adjust. New environment, new life.. While bearing the guilt he had for six years already.. He definitely needed support. And I know I had to provide that for him. Or he will break down.

Heath's
I really hate that Tristan. He acts like he knew me so much, like he understands me more than anyone. Okay. Fine, I won't deny it okay? He was right. I was watching the both of them the whole time, Kyle and his  father, and questions were rotating inside my head like it was trying to awaken my guilt. Questions like, if they really meant to make me suffer, why are they sitting there, like an obedient puppy, looking all miserable and  with overwhelming guilt on their faces? If they wanted what has happened to me, why are they willing to pay for it if I say so? If they are happy on what happened to me, why do they keep on asking why am I letting them live and unscathed?

I didn't want to feel guilty or bad for them on the least and I don't have the intention to. But that moment, I couldn't control my thoughts and emotions. I never wanted to be this weak where I couldn't even take revenge. I thought I was just being rational, but was I just really being rational? Or was I just a coward that I couldn't take the courage to kill those two, knowing that they were a victim too?
I hated myself for it, but was thankful at the same time. I was able to live a normal life because of it. I was able to legalizd my parents organization too because of it. The only thing I wasn't thankful for it was I kept on holding on this grudge and hatred that I couldn't bear any longer. But I don't have anyone to vent it on. I wanted to just show it and let it out of my chest, because I'm scared that it would keep growing to the point where it would take control of my whole being.

The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality. The reality that I was now alone in this world, together with my huge amount ot negativities in life. The reality that I was just a fucking coward, trying to act all cool and strong to be respected, to be feared, so that I could keep living. The reality that living is such a great job where it needs a lot of effort, patience, courage and strength to keep on doing it. That is why many people are retiring and resigning in this job called life, since the resignation is very easy.. Death. Dying is the easist thing to do, that is why it became the escape route of people who cannot deal with the problems and challenges that life has thrown them. It was easy, even I can do it anytime, so I was looking for a reason to live, and that is to take revenge but it seems like it was going nowhere. I think I needed a new motivation to keep on living, or I will die together with my hatred and grudge. Die like a fucking pititful coward that I am.

Naputol ang pag iisip ko nang biglang may kumatok sa opisina ko.
Ilang sandali pa ay pumasok si Clint na may hawak na sobre.
Lumapit siya at iniabot iyon.

Binuksan ko ang sobre at kinuha ang kulay pulang papel na nakatupi ng tatlong beses.

" Mr. Castillo,

I am inviting you for a dinner tonight at the Dealing Palace. It was concerning your rule of banning drugs and arms dealing within the underground society.
I will wait for you.