Greek myths

The Theogony

     So, I haven't been on wattpad for a while because of procrastination and not wanting to do anything while trapped in my house but, to make up for the lost time I'll give you a decently long chapter.

     The Theogony was written by Hesiod in the 8th century BCE. It was shared by oral tradition for a while before it got written down. But as you can tell those two sentences were kind of boring so I'll just give you a summary of this story.

     Alright, so, a long time ago there was this deity named Chaos. He somehow made night, day, and Gaia. Gaia, the earth, then made herself a partner named Ouranos who represented the sky. Chaos then had more kids Eros, Tartarus, Erebus, and Nyx. Then Nyx has other things come from her? Well, I guess they are just split from Nyx? I honestly don't know. So these things named Doom, Dreams, Discord, Blame, and Sleep come from Nyx. Then Nyx gave birth to the Destines and the merciless Fates. This part is very boring and as you can tell almost all of this is just naming deities so your gonna hear most of the family tree.

     Anyways, now if you remember Gaia and Ouranos are partners and they had children, first the twelve titans, then the cyclops, and finally the three Hecatoncheires. Ouranos hates his kids that look like monsters so he puts them deep down into the earth which is just the underworld. Pretty jerk move though to imprison your kids. But luckily Gaia is fairly pissed at Ouranos though because she loves her kids and now they're stuck in hell, so she makes a sickle and gives it to the bravest titan to kill their father. All of the titans are weary to kill their father except for Kronos. He killed his father and the blood of Oranous created the Furies and Giants, but the umm, how do I word this, well Ouranos's genitals? Balls? They both sound bad but those uhh.... fall into the ocean and from that Aphrodite was born from a white sea foam. 

     Then Kronos marries his sister Rhea and they had kids. But Kronos was warned that his kids would overthrow him so to avoid being overthrown he swallowed each one of his kids when they were born. Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Hades, and Poseidon were all swallowed. I could think of an easier plan like not having kids if they were gonna kill me but sure, you do you Kronos. Rhea didn't want to lose baby Zeus though so she hid Zeus and replaced him with a rock and gave him to Gaia so then he could grow up. Then one day Zeus decided that it was time to kill his father so he either became Kronos's cup-bearer and poised his wine or he got help from the titan Metis to poison Kronos. Either way, Kronos vomits up the gods and then a ten-year war started.

     So, Kronos and the other titans fought with Zeus and the rest of the gods. But Zeus decided to free the cyclopes who then made Zeus his thunderbolts, Poseidon's trident, and Hades helm of darkness. They continued fighting and either Gaia or someone else suggested that Zeus should free the Hecatonchries to help the gods in the war and this works apparently because of the sheer strength of their ability to throw rocks. Zeus then throws most of the Titans into Tartarus.
     Now that the fighting is over the gods have to deal with everything else. So, Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon draw sticks to decide what they would rule over. I wouldn't suggest doing this to choose what you would rule over. But Zeus gets the sky, Poseiden gets the ocean, and Hades got the underworld. 

     Then everything else in the mythology happens but I need to make this chapter long so I'll give you a brief look at them.

     After everything happened Zeus married Metis and got her pregnant as expected. But Zeus was told that Metis would bear children that would overthrow him, first a girl and then a boy. Zeus didn't want that to happen so he consumed Metis. After that things were fine until one day he got a horrible headache and got rid of it by splitting his head open and then Athena popped out of his forehead. Oh yeah, I think maybe before or after he married his sister Hera and then had some kids with her than a whole lot more kids with other goddesses and humans because as we all know, Zeus can almost count as the god of one-night stands. 

     And then Prometheus got in trouble for giving us fire. So, Prometheus was in charge of making mankind, emphasis on MAN because he only made men. After men were created Prometheus thought it was unfair that they had to burn the good parts of meat to the gods as a sacrifice so he went up to Zeus with two plates. One had a bone that was wrapped with meat that looked good but in reality, was just fat. While the other had a gross stomach that was full of good meats. Prometheus asked what Zeus would want to have sacrificed to him and Zeus chose the bone because he looked better. Then Prometheus revealed the twist and now humans only need to burn bones and fat to the gods. Zeus didn't take it very well so he took fire away from mankind. Then Prometheus went back up to Mt. Olympus to steal back the fire and then Zeus found out and punished Prometheus by chaining him to a rock and had an eagle come down every day to rip out his liver. Prometheus grew back his liver every day though because he's immortal.

     Alright, one more myth to end off this chapter. 

     So for some egotistical or immoral reason, Zeus decided to get even more revenge on Prometheus even though he is currently chained down to a rock with an eagle disemboweling him every day. Umm. Anyway, he just basically made a woman to seduce Prometheus' brother, Epimetheus. First Zeus makes Hephaestus mold a body out of earth and water, or in short clay. He makes the body look like a maiden with the face of a goddess. Then Athena dresses her up all fancy with a silver gown and teaches her how to weave and stitch. Aphrodite teaches her what you expect from a love goddess, elegance (how to seduce men). Then a whole bunch of other gods gift her things and then Hermes teaches her how to lie. After all of that, they name her Pandora. The whole point of making Pandora was to punish mankind as well because she's a woman that has the ability to lie and seduce men. How terrible. And then they gave her a jar full of plagues and diseases and told her to not open it. Then they gave her hand in marriage to Epimetheus because the other point of making Pandora was to punish Prometheus, again. Epimetheus accepted Pandora even though Prometheus warned him not to accept any gift from the gods because you know WOMAN. They got married and lived good lives until Pandora decided to open the jar because she was curious. Everything bad like the flu and [inseret other bad things] were released and the only thing that was stuck in the jar was hope.  Me being a girl and writing this paragraph made me think of what most men view woman as because Hesiod had some interesting opinions on them.

A.N

So, while writing this I worked on it in chunks so when I started writing this I had 600 people that had read this book. The second time it was at 672, and now 709. These numbers really surprised me because this book was more homework for me rather than something I did for fun but as I continued writing I began enjoying summarizing myths in a sarcastic way. I really am grateful for everyone that is reading this. Also, if anyone wants these myths in full instead of in a short paragraph or if you want me to summarize other greek myths you heard of please tell me. I don't have much to do while inside my house and want to give you guys something to read while inside trying to avoid the pandemic that is killing people outside.

And with that, I bid you good day and good night.