As Lead Rains [FRERARD]

Five

When I get to music class I sit in my seat but find myself feeling disappointed when Gerard doesn't come to class. I try to work more on my song but I'm feeling so distracted, so hung up over his words. I didn't want to be hurt or left or used. I didn't want to get close to anyone. I didn't want friends. But maybe he was right. Maybe I needed it. I needed a friend, someone to talk to, to open up to, to laugh with, to be with. I needed it, didn't I?

Maybe I could try. Try to be normal. Try to not screw things up with the first person that has wanted to be my friend since my dad left. Maybe I have been the reason why everyone left, because I feel like I don't need anyone. I don't know. I don't like thinking about it. 

The bell rings and I head to the bus, not expecting him to be there I look at the backseat anyway, and am surprised to see his jet back hair and pale skin waiting for me. I sit next to him carefully. Like sitting on raw eggs, hoping not to crack them. His eyes are red and puffy. He must have been crying. Should I care? Should I say something?

I decide to stay silent and just listen to music instead. I let him out of the seat when we reach his big fancy house. Must be nice in there. Why is he sad? He rushes past me and runs inside and I can't help but feel guilty. Was he sad because of me? 

I get home and my mom is actually awake, she's watching a show on our old box tv while sitting on her favorite armchair. She turns to be and notices my guilty expression. 

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

I-It's t-this guy at...at school.

"Are they giving you trouble again?"

N-no. He...he wants to b-be my f-friend.

"Oh honey, that's great! Why do you look so sad about it?"

I-I was mean t-to him. I-I t-told him I didn't w-want f-friends.

"Do you really not want to be friends with him?"

I-I don't w-want him t-to be like dad and...and leave.

"Hon, not everyone is like your father. Some people are actually...good people. Not everyone wants to hurt you."

I-It's hard. I f-feel like I...I already m-messed it up. 

"If this guy is really a good person I know he will want to be your friend regardless."

O-okay. Thanks mom. 

"No problem kiddo."

I head to my room and think about what my mom had said. If Gerard was really a good person he would still want to be my friend and understand that I have issues with trusting people and getting close. I should text him. I pull out my phone and stare at his name on the screen while thinking of what I want to say. 

hey sorry about today you were right about everything I have issues and I do need a friend its just hard for me to open up to people and to think that some people are actually good I want to be your friend if you still will have me

I press send and wait for a response. While I wait I absentmindedly pluck at the strings of my guitar, playing a familiar tune of the song I'm writing. I feel my phone buzz. 

Of course I will still have you. 

My face breaks out into a grin. 

thank you now tell me how do you do friendships because I havent had one since I was like 12

That's a long time. Usually friends hang out. Talk about stuff they like. Watch movies. Eat lots of snacks. 

I like the snack part

I thought you would. 

Gerard and I talk about the movies we like, finding a similar interest in horror, though I have a preference towards gore and he has a preference towards the more psychological aspects. I mention that the Saw movies have both and he tells me we should watch them together sometime and I'm starting to think that's a great idea.

*****
Hey guys, sorry for the wait. My mental health hasn't been great. I'm going to start writing again soon. This chapter was already written but never posted so here you are! Thank you all.
Xoxo g