hollywood whore | c. baker

four - the break up

june 3rd, 2019.
one-thirty am.
the baker residence.

"so you really wanna end it? you want to let her win? this is exactly what she wanted, to split us up."
colson said breaking amanda's long stare into the empty air. her eyes blinked away the dryness as she focused her gaze back onto the bleach blonde man in front of her. taking a moment, she stared at him in silence trying to come up with the words she wants to say.

she kept replaying their previous break ups in her head. thinking of the moments like this where by instinct she'd end things completely. blocking him instantly. but she couldn't do that anymore. they were in too deep this time. she lived with him now. she couldn't run from their fight like she wished she could. she had to face him, and she had to say the words she'd rather leave unsaid.

"colson. you betrayed me for the third fucking time. you cheated on me. you fucked another girl again." she said through gritted teeth, holding back the urge to cry for what seemed like the tenth time tonight. "i regret it all amanda. i've apologized. i'm genuine. you know i love you." colson replied, hoping his words would convince her of his true remorse.

amanda looked at him with a darkness looming in her eyes. she couldn't fathom how he'd expect her to believe a word he was saying. after all this isn't the first time he's cheated on her. she knew that she had to say something that would truly make him understand how she was feeling. there was only one thing that came to her mind, and she knew that he would hate to hear it.

"if i slept with rook again. how would that make you feel colson? like shit. that's how i fucking feel." his eyes went dark when he heard her words. she watched his face curl as he pictured the two of them together in his head. he looked up at her with an almost irritated expression, like he was mad at her for bringing that up.

"i know. i know that i fucked up. i want to work through this. we're supposed to be together forever. bonnie and clyde type shit. i wanna be with you." colson told her truthfully, with a sigh following his words. "i want to be with you colson, but not the you that you've become. you're not the same. you act like what you did isn't a big deal when it is! can't you fucking see that?" amanda choked out fighting back the tears welling in her eyes.

she didn't even want to be having this conversation still. if it were up to her, she wouldn't have even given a second thought. she would've left and never looked back. but this isn't a game, it's real life and she had to face this situation like an adult. she just couldn't believe that this was happening again. she truly thought he'd changed, that they'd worked through all their problems. but she was wrong.

"i know it is! i'm fucking sorry amanda! i've never been so upset with myself over anything like this! but you're my soulmate and i can't lose you!" colson insisted, shouting at the top of his lungs. "you lost me the second you thought about her in anyway other than friendship." amanda replied shaking her head.

"can we please just take a break. clear our heads. it worked before, it can work again." colson begged with hopefully eyes, but he knew she wouldn't agree. "you remember that saying. if you love them, let them go. you should do that colson. because being in this relationship isn't healthy for me." amanda said, tears streaming down her face. though her brain knew it was true, her heart wished it wasn't.

"i don't want to let you go! baby please! fuck!"
shouting, colson stood up from his seat and began pacing the floor. "we're done. that's it. now let me go to bed. i'm tired and exhausted and i just want to cry in peace." amanda pleaded, looking at him with tired eyes. "amanda! come on! i don't want this to be what ended us!" he said again, not wanting to end the conversation unless they were still a couple.