Everyday I thank god for my mom and dad. My dad has really stepped up and helped me with Jay. Luckily my mom and him get along really well and he comes over and will take Jay for a bit. He's a great papa. I've been swamped with Michaels work and it's so overwhelming. "Hey, I got a call back from the insurance. They're totaling Michaels car. You'll be getting a check in the mail," she said. "They took the car?" I asked. She nodded. "Okay," I sighed putting all the papers on the kitchen table into a folder. "What are those?" She asked. "Papers I need Michaels signature on." I replied. "What's the update?" She asked. "They think he's been struggling with how to be a good dad since.... well I mean you know how Joe is. They don't really go into detail. We get to see him in a week and they want us to have a therapy session together." I said stressed. "Hey," my mom said rubbing my back. "He's gonna be okay. Everything will be alright. He just needs a little extra help." She said. I nodded, "he's the best dad though, he's so good with Jay. When I say I couldn't ask for a better father for him I mean it. I don't know where this is coming from?" I said getting emotional. "This is how we felt when you had you alcohol problem. No one knew why, no one understood where it was stemming from. You were battling something internally and didn't let anyone see or know it. I think that's what Michael was doing. He's not at peace with something and it was eating away at him. Sadly you both have unhealthy coping skills." She signed. I nodded, "i just.... how did I miss this?" I said. "You're a new mom, life got crazy." She said. "I neglected my husband, I'm just failing." I said covering my face upset. "No, you're not failing." She said hugging me. "You're doing the best you can and Michael neglected to let you in on what he was struggling with." She said kissing my head.
The nights were the hardest. After a long day of doing paperwork and other things Will is throwing on me, then coming home to a 1 year old who sometimes doesn't want to sleep through the night, i couldn't sleep at night. No matter how tired I am, I stay awake at night just thinking and praying about Michael. I truly feel like a piece of me is missing. "Knock knock," my moms voice said. "What are you doing up?" I asked. "I should be asking you the same thing. It's 1am." She said sitting on my bed in my dark room. "I just.... I just can't handle all of this. I haven't slept in days, weeks." I said getting frustrated and crying. "I know I know." She said rubbing my back. "I think you need to talk to your therapist about getting you anxiety medication or sleeping pills. You've been short with Jay lately. You have to start sleeping." She said. I nodded agreeing. "I'm going to lay with you. Hopefully that'll get you some sleep." She said making me move over. "I'd like that," I said wiping my face.
Mom and I spent my day off getting ahold of my therapist to hopefully get me in to see him. My dad came over, and played with Jay for the day. "Alright, he said he can get you in at 2pm. Go get dressed so we're not late." My mom said. "Dad are you able to watch Jay while we're gone?" I asked nervous. "Of course Dre." He smiled as he sat on the ground with Jay. "Okay I just feel bad always asking someone to watch him." I said fiddling with my hands. "I love spending all this time with him." He said. I nodded.
I got ready and my mom drove me out there. "Have you talked to Angel lately?" My mom asked as she drove. "Yesterday, Michael had a really bad day the other day she said. He hadn't slept in 3-4 days and basically destroyed his room looking for me. He was Hallucinating." I said. She grabbed my hand, comforting me. "The first couple months are always the hardest. It's going to get easier." She said. "I know. I'm just trying to adjust." I said giving her a soft smile. "Just a couple more days and you can start seeing him. Just remember what Dr. Taylor said. He may not be quite all there yet." She said. "I know, it was just nice the day I dropped him off he was some what normal. He was so loving that day. I needed that." I said. "Yeah, you did." She said.
"Take one a night, till you can get yourself readjusted." He said giving me the prescription. "These aren't heavy ones are they? I need to be able to wake up if Jay is up in the middle of the night." I said. "If he wakes up, I'll get up with him Dre. You need to sleep." My mom said. "Mom I have to take care of my son. I can't keep putting this all on you and dad." I freaked out as i started crying. "Audrey. I think it is best to let your mom take over a little bit till we can get you more settled. Your struggling. I can see it. You're exhausted, tired and you're going to push yourself too hard. Let us help." My therapist said. "You're mental health isn't at a good place right now. You're crying everyday, you don't sleep and you're barely eating. We have to get you healthy." My mom said. I nodded agreeing.
My mom took me out to eat and we had a good time. She took me shopping and then she insisted we get massages and it was very needed. "Let's grab some dinner for the boys. Your father and Riley are starving." She giggled reading a text from Riley. "thank you for this mom." I said. "I love spending time with my girl." She smiled.
"So what did your therapist say?" My dad asked worried. "He gave me some sleeping pills." I shrugged. "Her therapist agrees with us. She's not mentally healthy and we didn't expect you to be, this is hard. So he gave her some heavy sleeping meds and I'm going to get up with Jay if he wakes up at night." My mom said. "If I need to take Jay for a night, Pauline loves having him. We can keep him any time." He said. Pauline is my dads new wife. "Okay. I'm sure mom would love that." I said. "We got dinner for you guys," my mom said getting the table set. "Riley are you staying here or at your dads?" My mom asked. "Here, Liam is at dads." He said with disgust. "Liam isn't that bad." I said. "He is always trying to compete with me! It's exhausting." He sighed. "He just looks up to you. He wants to be like you." I said. Liam is our step brother. He's a good kid. He's adjusting to not being an only child and I think he enjoys having Riley and I around.
Jay and I cuddled in bed, spending quality time before he needed to go to bed. "Say I love momma!" I smiled. He just gets excited and starts bouncing. "Dada!" He smiled. "You miss daddy?" I asked. He just sat there. I know he's confused and wants Michael. "I miss him too." "Dada! Dada!" He smiled big. "We'll see daddy in a couple days love." I said. "Momma!" He squealed. "There we go!" I smiled. "I!" He said. "Mom!" I hollered excited. "What?!" She hollered back running up the stairs, "watch watch!" I said. "Say I love momma," I said excited. "I!" He said again. "Say love," "wuv! Momma!" He smiled. "Good job Jay!" my mom cheered equally as excited. "Wuv momma!" He said again. "Momma loves you!" I said hugging him. "Say love dada!" I said "wuv dada!" He said excited then his face dropped to this frown. He poked his bottom lip out, as tears filled his eyes. "Dada!" He cried. "Awh don't cry baby, we'll see daddy in a couple days." I said holding him as he cried. "Jay, why are you crying," my mom said sitting next to us. Jay reaches for my mom, "Grammies boy." She smiled. "Don't cry little one." She told him. She held his head against her chest calming him. "Mama." He said reaching, grabbing my finger.
"You seem to be in a good mood," Ally said as I entered the building. "I finally slept." I smiled. "That's good!" She said as I walked to my office. I sat down and Will always has my work on my desk waiting for me. I start dividing the paper work and I actually feel rested today. "Finally got some sleep?" Will asking coming into my office. "Yeah, my therapist prescribed me some sleep meds, I'm glad he did. I needed that sleep." I giggled. "Yeah you did, once you finish that you can go home early. Spend some extra time with Jay. Most of the weeks work is done unless you want to stay to write." He said. "Thank you Will. You've been too kind to us during this time." I smiled. "I've seen a lot of people go through this. I'm going to help any way I'm able to. No one wants to go through this." He said. "But you're going to have to let Jada have some Jay time soon. She's dying to keep him for a day." He laughed. "Okay, I'll text her and talk to her." I laughed.
"Ahh!" Someone hollered opening my door, throwing something then closing it. "What the hell?" I laughed. The door opened back up, it's Ally. "What are you doing?" I laughed picking up a KitKat bar. "Thought you'd need that," she laughed sitting down. "Why?" I asked opening it to eat it. "Dre, we still have our period apps synced. You started two days ago." She laughed. I froze. "No. That's wrong." I said. "Dre you haven't gotten your period?!" She said hushed. "That's next week," I said frantically looking through my phone and getting on my menstrual app. "Not according to my app." She said. I got onto my app and she was right. I'm two days late.
