"I'm going to drop him off then I'll be over." I told my mom quietly over the phone. "You good?" Wesley asked. I nodded. "I'll be at my moms. I'll text you when to drop Jay off." I said. He nodded hugging me tight.
"I'm so hungry baby," Michael said as we sat in the car driving home. "There's food at the house." I replied. He kept trying to hold my hand but I kept pulling away. "What's wrong?" He asked. I didn't reply. "Dre," he sat. I kept my eyes on the road. I pulled up to the house. My hands shook as i was too nervous. I had to do this. I helped grab his stuff and brought it into the house.
He was already in the house, I walked in the door. I stopped as he was just talking away. "Baby I'll make you a sandwich I'm sure you're hungry. Wes is dropping Jay off tonight right?" He asked finally looking At me. I dropped his bags, "no." I said. "No? When is he dropping Jay off?" He asked confused. "He's not. Jay and I are staying at my moms. Till you come to your senses and get help, we will be at my moms." I stated. I went upstairs and packed some clothes.
"You're not leaving" he said adamant coming into our bedroom. "If you get help I won't." I said. "I don't need help." He said frustrated. I shook my head and kept packing. "You were always going to fucking leave! You never loved me!" He shouted. I ignored his outburst and zipped my bag. I had tears " I love you so much but i have to do what's best for Jay. You are not okay and I cannot keep our son here while you continue to be this way." I said as tears flooded my face. He shook his head, "I'm a good dad! You just want to leave and take my kid away you've always been a bitch! A cold hearted bitch!" He shouted. "Michael is a good dad, but you're not Michael. You're not my husband or the father to our son. This is drugged up, withdrawn Michael." I cried then walking down the stairs. "Fucking leave bitch! I hate you! I wish I would've never married you!" He yelled as I walked out the door.
I threw my bags in the car, and rushing to get to my moms. I couldn't hold it together much longer. I can only take so much. I drove to my moms as safely as possible, once I got there I took a deep breath. I got out the car trying to hold it together the best i could. I grabbed my bags and finally made my way in there. I closed the door behind me and my mom was rushing to help me with my bags. "Are you okay babygirl?" She asked worried holding my face. I shook my head as the tears poured, "no." I sobbed breaking down to my knees. Heartbroken over the fact Michael has gone back down this road and how hard this is for us all. The things he said, I know he doesn't mean them but they still hurt like hell. "I want my husband back." I cried. My mom held me as I cried. "Come on babygirl. Get up, let's get you to bed. Get some rest." She said wiping her own tears. She helped me up then to my room. I laid down and she sat next to me brushing my hair back. "He was so mean to me when I left. He kept calling me a bitch, that he never loved me and he wished he never married me." I cried. "Shhh he doesn't mean it. You gotta let him figure this out. All you can do is what's best for you and Jay at this moment." She said rubbing my back. I nodded. "Sleep babygirl. You need rest." She said getting up and leaving.
I slept. I finally slept. I woke up around 11am the next day, I could here Jay giggling. I guess my mom got him from Wesley. I've been such a bad mom lately. I was so worked up about Michael, I exhausted myself and forgot to wait for Wesley to drop Jay off. I made my way downstairs to see a smiling Jay. "Mama!" He squealed crawling time me. I picked him up giving him the biggest hug. "I missed my snuggle bug." I said. "He's in a very good mood. Probably because he had a sleep over with grammie," she smiled tickling his tummy. "I'm so sorry mom. I completely forgot. I wasn't being a good mom." I said sad. "Dre. It's fine. You are going through a lot right now. We're here to help. You're a great mom." She said smiling and patting my back. "Have you check the camera so see how he's doing?" She asked. I shook my head. I grabbed my phone looking at our camera in our house. We Installed those before Jay was born for safety reasons. I watched the camera seeing Michael sleeping in our bed. "He's asleep. That's probably all he'll do for the next couple days." I sighed. "Maybe you should go check on him," my mom said. "Yeah probably." I said.
I got ready, gave Jay a kiss then went to the house. I was nervous to go home. Michael is very unpredictable and I don't know how much more I can take. I parked in the driveway than reluctantly went into the house. I walked upstairs as he was still asleep. I miss him so much. I couldn't help myself, I crawled into bed with him laying my head on his chest. He sleepily wrapped his arms around me. "Baby." He mumbled. "I'm here." I said. He squeezed me tight. He kissed my forehead, I raised up and kissed his lips. He kissed me back passionately. We made out till he pushed me back getting on top of me. He was quick to take my panties off and to remove his boxers. He leaned back over and kissed me, "Michael." I moaned. "I missed you." He told me right before entering me.
We laid there naked, he kept kissing my neck. "Michael." I said softly. "Hmm." He said. "We need to talk." I said. He sighed pulling away. "Why can't we just enjoy our morning?" He groaned. I got up, getting dressed as did he. "Where's Jay?" He asked. "At my moms." I said. "Why?" He asked. "Michael. I told you yesterday. Until you get help we're not coming home." I said softly. He rolled his eyes. "You just need to get over it. I'm not going to rehab." He said irritated. "Get over it?! Are you kidding me Michael! You almost died right in front of me and you don't even care! I had to dig vomit out of your mouth because you were choking on it! You're heart stopped twice! I was almost a widow." I freaked out. He rolled his eyes. "Almost. Keyword. Almost. I am fine. I just messed up and I'm okay now." He said. I shook my head, " no you're not. Because my Michael would do whatever possible to keep his family. This drugged up version of you doesn't care about anyone but himself. You don't care about me or your son." I said. "Don't ever say that! I love my son more than anything!" He snapped. "Then get help. You're not seeing him till you go to rehab." I said. "You're not keeping my son from me." He stated. "I'm not. You are. You made these decisions. You've pushed it to this point." I said grabbing my purse. I walked down the stairs and were at this again. Him screaming hateful things at me. Like that I'm a hateful bitch, I'm a horrible mother, and he wants a divorce. I'm done.
"What are you doing here?" Ally asked as I sat in my office. "I need to get away. I have a lot of feelings right now and there's no Better place to put those than songs." I said. "That is very true." She said. "You want to talk?" She asked leaning on my desk. I shrugged. "He'll come to his senses. It's just hard. He's so hateful. He's just not him and I have to remember that." I sighed. "Right." She said. "I just feel like I've failed in everything. I failed my husband, I'm failing my son, I'm failing at work." I said getting emotional. "Hey, you didn't fail any of those. Michael has always been very good at hiding it. Always. It's just a hard time and you have all of us. And if you feel like you're getting weak and needing a drink tell us. You have us." She said. A drink. That'd be so nice right now. "I know. And I do want a drink. I can't even lie about that. Just to take the edge off. That's all I want but i won't. I can't fail anymore than I have." I admitted. Ally hugged me, "I know. But you're so strong and Michael will come around just give him time." She said. I nodded with tears.
I sat In the living room holding a sleeping Jay. I needed my babies cuddles. "Mama loves you so much and so does daddy." I whispered to him. "How'd it go today?" My mom asked sitting next to me. I shrugged, "same. So I went to work and wrote some songs. I need an escape. This all is pushing me. I have to find ways to express my emotions. I can't go back there." I said with teary eyes as I referred to my alcohol addiction. She nodded, "I'm worried about you." She admitted. "I know. A lot of people are. But I'm not going back to that. I always force myself to remember everything to remind myself why I got help." I said. "Good." She said. "He was being so silly today, he kept making the cutest faces and dancing." She smiled. "I know you're situation isn't good but i love having you guys here. Riley is never home anymore." She said rolling her eyes. "He's a teenager mom. Let him be." I giggled. "Your guys teenage years will be the death of me." She said getting up. "I Have some dessert for you. Put little man to bed then we can put in a movie and pig out." She smiled. She always knows how to make me feel better.
We had a fun night watching cry baby movies and eating chocolate and I couldn't ask for a better Mom. We finished the movies and we sat there, just talking. "Do you hate Michael?" I asked her. "No..... I saw what you went through. You didn't want help and you didn't mean for that all to happen. I can't hate Michael, I hate the Michael we're seeing but I love the Michael you married. He's a good husband and dad. He just slipped up." She said. I nodded. "I just miss him a lot." I said. "I know you do. He probably misses himself too." She said. I nodded. "I can't keep going over there and listening to the things he says. I can't handle it mom." I said. "Then don't." She said kissing my head then going to her room.
The next couple days, I check on Michael through the camera and he kept leaving and I knew he was going to Dylan's. I watched the tracker on his phone. I just kept checking on him to make sure he doesn't OD again.
