Flash back
"I got him." Michael yawned getting up as Jay cried. "No Michael, you work in the morning. I got him, go back to sleep." I said getting up. "Babe you have to rest." He stressed. "I know but I'm still on maternity leave. I don't work." I said grabbing Jay out of his bassinet. "But you're stuck at home with him all day. That itself is a job." He said yawning, laying down as i breastfed Jay. "He's good for the most part." I smiled down at my baby as he ate. "You're doing really good." Michael said as he was falling back asleep. "Well I'm luckily enough to have someone as great as you to help me all the time. I couldn't do this without you Michael." I said truthfully. "Hm. We make a good team." He said falling asleep.
Present
Today is our second time seeing Michael and I'm hoping it's a little better this time. I couldn't wait to get in those doors to see him. "Let's go see daddy," I said excitedly to Jay as we walked through the parking lot to the center. "Hey!" Angel smiled. "Hey, how is he?" I asked. "The same, a little better but same." She shrugged. "Are we good to see him?"'i asked. She nodded. "You ready to see your dada Jay?" She asked jay and his face lit up! "You better get that boy to his daddy!" She laughed. "I am," I smiled.
We quickly walked down the hallway to his room, I was a little nervous due to the last visit. I took a deep breath then knocked on his room door then opening it. "Michael?" I said opening it. "Hey," he said as he stood up from his chair. "Dada!!!" Jay squealed. Michael happily took Jay, hugging him. "I missed you so much," he told Jay. Jay puckered his lips for a kiss from his daddy and gave him the biggest hug. "You know I'm always afraid he'll forget me." Michael said. "He'll never forget you. He's been all about you." I smiled. He smiled softly. Jay just held onto Michael, laying his head onto his shoulder. Michael pulled me into him. I hugged him tight. "I love you." I told him. "I love you more." He said then kissing me. "No mama!" Jay hollered at me surprising us both. "What?" I said surprised as i couldn't help but laugh. "My dada!" He said with a mean face. "Yeah." Michael joked.
"Are you sleeping okay?" He asked as Jay fell asleep on him. "Yeah, I wasn't at first but mom and my therapist are making me take sleeping pills. They've really helped. I finally feel rested." I admitted. "What about you?" I asked. "I'm getting better sleep but my body is still restless." He said. "Can we have a serious conversation?" I asked wanting to get something off my chest. "Yeah?" He said kind of stand offish. "I just..... I just want you to know you are a good dad. Michael you got up with me almost every night when Jay was hungry, you still do that. Not many husbands do that. You always help me no matter how long your work day is. You always make extra one on one time with him. We honestly couldn't ask for a better man for this family. I just don't know how you don't see it." I said holding his hand. He shrugged. "I think I over did it, and I exhausted myself and anytime I would slack I would feel guilty. I just don't know how to do this." He said frustrated. "I hear you. I think you over did it too. But you have to realize, you aren't always going to be the best dad. We're going to mess up sometimes." I said. He nodded. "I'm working on being okay with that. You didn't grow up with Joe." He said. "I know. That's not something I can understand. I can't related." I said. "It's just like everything just went to shit so fast and I lost control." He said. "You need to let me help you. You were battling something you couldn't handle on your own. That's apart of being married baby, we take these things on together. I cannot lose you. I don't want to be a widow. I want us to grow old and have grand babies and watch our kids live their lives." I said getting emotional. He held my hand tight. He just nodded. "I'm really trying." He said softly. "And that's all I want." I said kissing him. "I'm sorry." He said. "I forgive you. I'm not mad." I said holding his hand. "Promise?" He asked desperately trying to hold back tears. I nodded, "I promise. Through sickness and health." I said.
We sat there for an hour just spending time together. We didn't really talk. Just enjoyed being with each other. "I'm not leaving here but I just want to come home so bad." He spoke. "I know you do. We want you home too." I said. "You're parents probably hate me again." He said disappointed. "No, after seeing what I went through, they know this isn't something we ever mean to happen. They know who you are and this isn't you. We are not our addictions." I told him. "Okay," he said. "Hey, you guys ready? I'm ready for some Jay time." Angel smiled. I nodded. I grabbed Michaels hand as we stood up. Jay was waking up and i handed Angel his diaper bag. "He might be crabby but his lunch is in there and a drink." I instructed
