Doctor Who Oneshots

Hurts Like Hell (Twelfth Doctor)

This is a song-fic based on the song "Hurts Like Hell" by Fleurie. Trigger warning!: Pulling a big ol' Steven Moffat here and yes that means you need to watch out for the bad stuff :)

Enjoy loves! 😈

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The Doctor's POV :)

How can I say this without breaking?
How can I say this without taking over?
How can I put it down into words?
When it's almost too much for my soul alone.

I held onto one of (Y/N)'s shirts like it was my lifeline. In a way, it was. After what had happened only moments ago, it was all I had left of the woman I...

I tried hard not to cry at the thought. The woman I love. How could I have let her get hurt? How could I just let her put herself into danger the way she did? Why didn't I stop her? Why didn't I hold her close, lock her in the TARDIS... something? This whole thing could have been avoided. 

I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
I loved and I loved and I lost you
And it hurts like hell
Yeah it hurts like hell

I kept myself isolated in the TARDIS for days, weeks even. Months, possibly. Time is all relative when you're in a time machine. Who knows how long I've sat here in my lonely little TARDIS hoping to wake up from this horrible nightmare. (Y/N) is dead. How many times have I told myself it's my fault? 

The TARDIS makes a groaning sound, making me sigh.

"I know. I miss her too," I whisper. I walk down the halls to her room. I spend most of my time in here now. It stills smells just like her and has all of her home-y things. Pictures of family, her and her family dog, her and her friends, her and... me. The old me and the new me. Is that a picture of her with three mes? How did she manage to get grumpy old war Doctor to get in a group shot?

I don't want them to know the secrets
I don't want them to know the way I loved you
I don't think they'd understand it, no
I don't think they would accept me, no

I decided it was time to at least try to be social. More like the TARDIS forced me out, but at least she chose a good destination. Vastra, Jenny and Strax were more than happy to let me stay a bit until the TARDIS would listen to me again and let me in.

"Where's (y/n)?" Jenny asked me, making me tense up. I didn't want to tell anyone what happened to her. I didn't want them to know that I fucked up and got her killed. I tried to pretend I was busy just so I could ignore the question, but I knew it would come up again and this time I may have to answer.

Vastra was the next to ask. I knew she'd see right through me, so I told the truth. Once I started I couldn't stop. I couldn't hold in the tears when I spoke of the last few moments with my angel.

*FLASHBACK brought to you by: the offspring of Steven Moffat, as my friend called me for this :)*

Where is that wonderful Time Lord? I heard her thoughts clear as day. I set a psychic link with her once a long time ago to try to help with a mind parasite but ever since then, I've been able to hear her thoughts.

"D-Doctor?" She called out. Her voice was raspy but still crystal clear and as gorgeous as usual. I drop the books I'm holding and quickly run into (y/n)'s room, seeing her standing up. She turns towards me and gives me her dazzling smile that I could never get sick of. There's your boyfriend. Another thought of hers intruding my head, not that I minded. I loved being called her boyfriend and knowing that she loves me just as much as I love her.