Doctor Who Oneshots

Tell Your Heart (Twelfth Doctor)

Oh fucking boy :) Another song fic that is tied to the last one.

This one is based on the song "Tell Your Heart to Beat Again" by Danny Gokey. It's a song that got me through the death of my best friend who's birthday is today (or the day I really started writing this. jeez I've been on and off since April Fourth). 

Also for some quick clarification: that last paragraph in the last fic where the Doctor had a necklace with (y/n)'s ashes didn't happen for this one. The Doctor doesn't know anything about what your family did (cremation, burial, etc.). 

Anyways, enjoy!

The Doctor's POV

You're shattered
Like you've never been before
The life you knew
In a thousand pieces on the floor
And words fall short in times like these
When this world drives you to your knees
You think you're never gonna get back
To the you that used to be

It's been a while since I last saw (y/n). It was the first day that my life turned for the worse. I tried so hard to get back to who I was before (y/n) but it seemed absolutely impossible. So I sort of retired. I'm also in charge of watching Missy in a vault while trying to blend in as a professor. Normal, right? A cyborg I met - Nardole - was here with me as well. He knew my story, both with River and with (y/n). River and (y/n) actually were very close friends and would sneak off when they thought I wasn't paying attention to do Gods know what.

Working in this university put things into perspective for me. The dangerous life I lived isn't healthy for anyone. Of course I knew that, but I always ignored it. Maybe losing (y/n) also had something to do with the realization.

What happened to her? Did her parents bury her? Is she cremated? Does she have her own grave? Of course she does. That's a stupid question. Maybe I should try to find where she's buried. 

I pull out my guitar and strum the opening to Beethoven's fifth until I hear some coughing in my office, making me stop. I look out and see the woman who has been sitting in my lectures despite not being a student so I put my guitar up before meeting her by my desk.

"Is this your girlfriend?" The woman asks, holding a picture of me and (y/n). I sigh and give her a small, sad smile before changing the subject quickly. It still hurts to think about her and I don't want to seem weak in front of someone I don't know - or anyone for that matter.

Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
And step into the light of grace
Yesterday's a closing door
You don't live there anymore
Say goodbye to where you've been
And tell your heart to beat again

I've been travelling again. I've been fighting the bad guys with Bill and Nardole by my side. It's different this time around. I don't have her with me to make silly little puns. I don't have her to make quick snide remarks. I don't have her to laugh with at the silly adventures we had. I'm glad to have Bill and Nardole with me, I really am, I just miss (y/n) dearly. I try to cover it up though with sarcasm and snide remarks similar to what (y/n) used to say. Used to. Every time I use a statement in past tense while talking about her, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach.

I've been talking to Missy more as well. She seems to really be wanting to change. She seems to want to be good. Maybe... Maybe I should let her go on an adventure. See how she does on her own - with Bill and Nardole as companions of course.

Bill is hesitant, which I don't blame her. She knows Missy as someone who has completely lost her mind. I need her to do this though, so she reluctantly agrees after Nardole somewhat does as well.