Dream Wandering • Yunsang

I'm sorry

After Yunho had told Yeosang to grow up, and Yeosang had fled, Yunho had tried to go after him, but within a couple of steps Yunho had been tossed into blackness, like someone had switched of all the lights rendering him blind, and then just like that Yunho was back in his bedroom, frustrated and feeling regretful.

Yunho didn't see Yeosang when he went back to sleep that same night, nor the next night. There was no Yeosang, no garden. Just a regular dream, and a lot of tossing and turning, and Yunho's mind refusing to shut off for any longer than half an hour at a time.

During the day it was hard to focus on studying, and during the actual exams he had, although he tried to shut Yeosang out of his mind, he just couldn't.

Yunho felt bad, he felt lonely, he felt shut out. He shouldn't have yelled, particularly when he knew full well himself that the smaller's knowledge on all things that is life in the real world were severely lacking.

Everything he said was factual and true, he was sure of it, but he felt bad that he had tried to press his beliefs and wants onto Yeosang.

And now he wasn't even able to see him, to apologise.

In all the time since the moment he met Yeosang, in his whole life really, he had never felt so lonely.

Yunho missed the sunshine that Yeosang brought to him, the warmth, the smiles, the laughter, Yeosang's ability to look both intrigued and absolutely befuddled at the same time.

He missed the way that Yeosang would take his hand dragging him through the garden, he missed his soft hair and even the perplexing little marking beside his eye which could be seen when the smaller push his hair out of his face, and although they had only done it a couple of times and for very quick lapses of time, Yunho missed the smallers hugs.

Yeosang gave the best hugs.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and for once in his life Yunho understood the full weight of those words.

It was five bothersome days and four longing nights of regular dreaming before Yunho finally found himself in the garden.

He'd never felt more happier and appreciative in his life to be able to exist in this space, except the dream space was a lot different to what he was used to.

When Yunho touched down, Yeosang was nowhere in sight.

The grass beneath his feet was almost icy and cold, and not warm like it usually was. In fact, Yunho observed, there was a severe lack of sunshine.

The sky was gray and devoid of colour, as were the plants around him. Shrubs that usually had flowers blooming from them were empty and lifeless, the flowers that made them special gone. Everything was dead and lifeless. The dreamscape reminded him of winter. Yunho only hoped that it wouldn't rain here too.

Yunho felt a shiver go down his spine as a breeze nipped through his thin shirt.

He hugged his arms around his waist longing to be warm, looking about, longing for the very thing, or rather person that could truly warm his soul.

He'd never seen this world look so bare, he didn't think it was possible.

Yunho decided not to call for Yeosang, for fear that if he did call he might scare the smaller away, so he set out, seeking out the beautiful pink knit that complemented Yeosang's completion so well, in silence. The only sounds came from the painful crunch of stones and leaves beneath his feet. The quartz that was once a pretty addition to the tranquil landscape, now a painful hindrance beneath his bare feet.